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Solstice
#SubmissiveAdvent I have not had much to say in response to the prompts for the past few days. I’ve basically been a lump of laziness. Covid has taken a giant rude shit on our holiday plans (we’re all perfectly healthy even though the young one has tested positive with a breakthrough infection). So now we are doing solstice, my birthday, Christmas Eve, Christmas, and New Year’s at home on our own. Good thing we like each other and are, for the most part, happy introverts. 😊 I don’t have to quarantine, because I’m vaccinated, but I still won’t risk exposing anyone by attending any festivities. A run or two…
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Thank You
Today’s #SubmissiveAdvent topic is gratitude…specifically saying thank you to someone who has helped me on my journey. So I’ve decided to give some shout outs to those from whom I have learned the most. Many of these people, I continue to learn from, through their writing/experiences. Conquer Me – Kacie Cunningham (the first book I read on submission…and one I go back to, time and time again) submissiveguide.com submissy.com LovingBDSM’s 30 Days of D/s Writerly readers who have stuck with me and supported me through presence and absence, creative highs and lows, and everything in between: Marie Rebel (seriously the first one who notices when I’m gone and when I…
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Prayer
I’m not an especially religious sort, but I do pray from time to time. I guess it’s more of a sending out of intentions or energy, or a request for strength or guidance in times of confusion or frustration or despair, rather than a conversation with a God. Though I suppose I’ve had plenty of those, too, over the years. Prayer to me is contemplation, so in many ways, what I do here is prayer. I throw my thoughts out to the universe, and sometimes the universe talks back. Prayer was the topic for today’s #SubmissiveAdvent. The entry for today provides this: Allow me the strength to answer questions I…
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Light and Dark
In each of us there is darkness and light. We are multidimensional, with “good” and not-so-good qualities. We have “quirks” and cracks, all based on what society deems acceptable. Alone, we just are. But when put with others, we are mirrors. And we are easily given to comparison, continually measuring normality, fighting or living up to expectation, and dealing with the emotional price of doing so. Not all of us question so much or spend as long in introspection, but those of us who do…we over-thinkers…can spend more time in our heads than in the world. The irony is, the world is in my head, determining my thoughts too much…
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Fear
Today’s topic for The Submissive Advent Calendar is fear…specifically in relation to submission. But let me expand it to my sex life. The longer we go without, the more afraid I become. Not so much that he will leave or find someone else (he has promised that he isn’t going anywhere and that he will remain faithful)…but that I will lose him, anyway. That we will simply slip into existence. That intimacy will disappear. That our connection will dry up and leave us with no way back. That I won’t be able to find him again. I’m afraid that my libido will finally dip so low it will recede into…
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Keeping the candle lit
I didn’t post yesterday because I didn’t feel well. I woke too early, my eyes were puffy in response to something I’d eaten, I’m guessing. Or maybe I cried in my sleep. And I simply had no energy or motivation. I was low, too. So I spent the day sleeping and hidden in my book, where I could stop thinking and just be. In our conversation Saturday morning, he made many valid points, but there was no solution. I was basically left with: I suck, and there’s nothing that can be done. He feels sex is a bad idea, in this climate, and noted regret for the last time, when,…
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Smile
#SubmissiveAdvent I do a lot of smiling every day, especially at work. It’s always been an easy way to connect with others and set the tone. Wearing a mask has severely gotten in the way. Working with young people, who often rely on body language and facial expressions to make sense of the world around them and determine their level of trust and safety, can be difficult with masks. And I think it is starting to wear on us all. I’m not arguing the health and safety protocol. What I’m saying is that masks have exacerbated the social separation. Nearly two years apart, and now we must keep social distance…
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Joy in Accomplishment
#SubmissiveAdvent I’m the type of person who feeds off the rush I get from being productive. I’m good at planning and setting goals and, at least in my professional life, I’m good at accomplishing what I set out to do. I am constantly learning and improving. Last year and this year, I’ve been working on a degree to move into an administrative role. I’m in the internship phase now, with only 2 more classes to go. I’m a 3rd of the way through my portfolio. And then…well: opportunities. I wish I was as good at this process in my personal life. The benefit of this is a sense of competency,…
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Compliments
#SubmissiveAdvent I’ve gotten much better at taking compliments over the years…mainly because I’ve become more confident and aware of my strengths and more accepting of my weaknesses. No one is perfect, but we are all good at something. Out job is to find what that is and capitalize on it. I may not be thin. My body may be giving in to gravity. But it is strong enough and healthy enough to get me around. And the important people find me attractive. I’m intelligent and good at my job. It doesn’t mean I don’t always have more to learn…in fact, that is one of my strengths: the capacity to accept…
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Be kind to yourself
#SubmissiveAdvent I’m taking the night off, so you are getting a short post. It was a long day at work, I had homework, and now I’m just getting into bed. I have to be kind to myself…because “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” I need to lose myself in a chapter or two of my latest read (In Another Light by A.J. Banner). And then I need a good 7 hours of sleep to tackle another day. #loveletter None tonight. But I assure you that your needs have not been forgotten. I owe you an orgasm. #UnwrapMe I forgot to take a picture in my work clothes. But…
