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The Dominant/submissive Scale
D/s can be role play. Don’t get me wrong. Playing out a scene where someone is the Dominant party (like the professor) who ties up or spanks the submissive party (like the naughty student) can be perfectly satisfying. And there is nothing wrong with D/s being an occasional part of your sexual repertoire. But D/s can be more than role play. It can be a way of life. Dominance and submission are really just personality types. And there’s a sliding scale. I would wager that the vast majority of us are more or less one or the other (though it can be situational and can change in particular environments or with certain…
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My perfect submissive
There are many ways of being submissive, and the only thing that makes one more right or true than another is that it works for you and the person(s) with whom you share it. That being said, I often struggle with my own submission. It doesn’t always come easily. I can be contrary and moody, even downright disrespectful at times. But I’ve come to accept that this is not because I am a “bad submissive,” per se. It’s because I’m human. And we all fall short of our goals and expectations sometimes. There are certain qualities that I strive for. So let me describe the type of submissive I want to be, as a character…
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When are you most aware of your own submission?
I fell behind a bit when The Submissive Advent Calendar, but I’ve written down a few I skipped so that I could come back to them at a later time. This one in particular keeps niggling my brain: When are you most aware of being owned/submissive? At first, I wasn’t really sure, but these past few weeks, Mr. D has slowly been stepping back into his Dominant role, and both of us have wordlessly been reaching out to one another through little D/s actions. This is how I realized there are definitely a few things that immediately put me in a submissive headspace. All of them are simple, and yet…
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My Submissive Identity
It’s always good to reassess your goals, and this is usually the time of year a fair lot of us begin this process…in preparation for the new year. This has been, for the most part, a fairly unlikable year, and, as stated in earlier posts, it has led our marriage right into a dark pothole…one we seem to keep running into. We’re fine. Don’t worry. Sometimes hitting a pothole on a crappy road reminds you to either drive more carefully, find a new road, or get out a fix the damn potholes. Our method du jour is sex therapy, which is going well. And as such, it has reminded us,…
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Active Submission
There are many types of submission, and while I have a fairly good idea of what type/brand works best for me, there are also two styles: active and passive. Active submission entails acting/serving before one is asked to do anything. The submissive “actively” seeks out ways to serve their Dominant. Passive submission entails waiting for instruction and only doing/serving when and how one is told. Neither style is better than the other, and there are probably times and places where each is more appropriate. The relationship often determines the style that is expected. Related Post: What’s in a Name? (How D/s Labels Can Help Us Find Ourselves For me, passive…
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Submission is its own reward
We’re finding our way back. Slowly and by feel. It’s somewhat like wandering around a giant house at night looking for light switches. We’ve lived here a long time, and we know where all the obstacles are, though occasionally we stub our toes on things that have been added or left out of place. And even when we find the lights, sometimes the power is out and it does us no good. The light, too, has a particular quality. It can be glaring and flourescent…or soft and glowy. Sometimes it’s so dim it mimics dusk, shadows creeping in from every side. But we know, without seeing, how to find it.…
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It’s time to clean my dirty laundry
I’m terrible about receiving compliments about my body, most often because I don’t believe them. When someone says I look good or that I’m sexy, I have to stop, take that information and sort of choke it down before I offer up some sort of weak thank you amidst blushing and a downward glance. Unless I already believe what the person says to be true (like “your hair looks great today”), I bat off the compliment…or it actually serves to remind me of my perception of inadequacy and makes me feel bad about myself. How’s that for some twisted psychology? Over the past decade, I’ve gotten better at accepting my body, which…
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Just Be
Yesterday, in The Submissive Advent Calendar, I was to find or create a token to remind myself of my submission. A simple thing, really. And yet, I struggled with it…reconsidering it throughout the day. A bracelet? No. Because I am on the computer most of the day, and jewelry on my wrists is bothersome (though maybe that is a good reason to chose it?). A necklace? Too easy to forget? Something for my pocket like a coin? Some small thing of value? Something of his? A pin? A background on my phone? I finally settled on a collection of things, so that I am reminded in small ways through out…
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Anticipate
The Advent is a time of anticipation and preparation for the winter season. Submission, too, can be an intricate dance in which a submissive has the opportunity to anticipate, prepare, and meet the needs of his or her Dominant. This year, I am following Luna K’s Submissive Advent Calendar, and the first day hit me right in the gut. Not because it is especially surprising or deep, but because it points out exactly where I struggle as a submissive. While my nature may be dual, both submissive and dominant, depending on the situation (at work, I’m in control of a lot of things and maintain a leadership position), I prefer…
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Fairweather submissive
I’m sorry to confess it, but honestly, I’m a fairweather submissive. I’m up for it when it’s easy, when I have the energy for it, the time for it…when it doesn’t ask too much of me. I have been such for a long time, and I’ve tried (sort of) time and again to be better. Often enough that some might say I should just give up, that it isn’t for me, that I’m not really a submissive. And yet, I am. Or at least I’m some semblance of one…on my way to becoming one. No matter how poorly I demonstrate it or live up to my own expectations (or His).…
