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What I want as a submissive
I know submission is supposed to be about giving and serving, but I think it is important to reflect on what you, as the submissive, get from it, both in the beginning, and periodically, just to update and ensure that it is still fulfilling for you. Because that IS important. I’d say, the first step to becoming a submissive is the decision to become one (even if you are naturally submissive, this decision is important, because it is a role you must fulfill, not just a personality trait you have). But the second, in my opinion, is determining what you want from this role (or hope to get from it).…
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Seeking Perfection vs. Creating a Vision
I’m not a natural submissive. While I am more submissive than I am dominant, and I do like the power dynamic of Him being in charge and me following, I can honestly say it does not come naturally to me. I have to work at it. I used to feel guilty about that…like I was somehow defective in this regard. I also assumed at several points, that I probably would never really be able to enjoy a D/s relationship because of it. The thing is, though, we can create the life we want, and we can become the people we want to be. Sure it might take a bit more…
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Hormone Therapy: The Adventure Begins
I’ve done it before…and it didn’t have much of an impact, but I’m trying it again, years later, and I’m hoping for a different outcome (is this the definition of insanity? doing the same thing over and over again hoping for different results?). Yesterday, I went to the gynecologist suggested by our sex therapist, who seems to think getting my hormones under control and getting me off Prozac is going to bring my libido back. The problem is, I only just started taking Prozac (a super low dose) in September. Which really means, that’s not the problem. And the gynecologist didn’t seem to think that was having any impact at all,…
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Submission is new every day
Side note: I time block using Google Calendar to plan my days and weeks out in advance, making sure I’ve made room for all the things I have to do and as many of the things I want to do as possible. Something new I am trying this year is to delete activities/events on my digital calendar as I complete them. It leaves me with a blank calendar at the end of the day, and the past is the past. It seriously makes me a little anxious, as I have never done this. I usually catalogue and sort and keep evidence of everything I do. And yet, there is really…
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I’m going on an adventure!
Find a notebook, any notebook, and open to the first page. Or, open up a new blank document on your computer. That, my friends, is the door to an adventure. In fact, any new beginning is the start to a potential adventure. I love the meme I’ve used for my feature image in this post, because I feel a deep connection to Hobbits. If I were a character in Tolkien’s world, I would definitely be a Hobbit, tucked away in my cozy little home, reading and eating and staying safe. Leaving my comfort zone and heading out into the wild, blue yonder doesn’t always fill me with a sense of…
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The Dominant/submissive Scale
D/s can be role play. Don’t get me wrong. Playing out a scene where someone is the Dominant party (like the professor) who ties up or spanks the submissive party (like the naughty student) can be perfectly satisfying. And there is nothing wrong with D/s being an occasional part of your sexual repertoire. But D/s can be more than role play. It can be a way of life. Dominance and submission are really just personality types. And there’s a sliding scale. I would wager that the vast majority of us are more or less one or the other (though it can be situational and can change in particular environments or with certain…
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Finding my way back to good
So I’ve been trying to improve my active submission this week. I’ve been lighting a candle when I get home in an effort to transition my brain from work day to home life (and, in effect, my role as sub). I’ll continue to hone this transitional ritual. After reflecting on my submissive identity, I also asked Mr. D if I could return to removing His boots when He gets home from work, which He seemed quite pleased with. It’s been a long time since I did this, and simply asking if I could do it was a step, since I’m terrible at asking for things that I want. I’m not…
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My perfect submissive
There are many ways of being submissive, and the only thing that makes one more right or true than another is that it works for you and the person(s) with whom you share it. That being said, I often struggle with my own submission. It doesn’t always come easily. I can be contrary and moody, even downright disrespectful at times. But I’ve come to accept that this is not because I am a “bad submissive,” per se. It’s because I’m human. And we all fall short of our goals and expectations sometimes. There are certain qualities that I strive for. So let me describe the type of submissive I want to be, as a character…
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Submissives have needs, too
“The paradox is that the needs of the master are not, in fact, superior to the needs of the submissive. Rather, they share equal importance.” – Kacie Cunningham All humans have basic needs: sustenance, rest, shelter, love and belonging. And most of us have needs for things like entertainment, purposeful work, and community. But each of us has specific needs. And within us, each of our parts has needs. For example, I have needs as a wife, as a mother, and as a friend. All of these needs are different…and some even contradict the needs of others parts. As a submissive, my needs are as follows: 1. I need to…
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When are you most aware of your own submission?
I fell behind a bit when The Submissive Advent Calendar, but I’ve written down a few I skipped so that I could come back to them at a later time. This one in particular keeps niggling my brain: When are you most aware of being owned/submissive? At first, I wasn’t really sure, but these past few weeks, Mr. D has slowly been stepping back into his Dominant role, and both of us have wordlessly been reaching out to one another through little D/s actions. This is how I realized there are definitely a few things that immediately put me in a submissive headspace. All of them are simple, and yet…
