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Silenced
I’m tired. I spent too many minutes on social media today…something I’m just not supposed to do (according to me) because all that negativity brings me down. More than anything, I have trouble with the fact that it makes me feel silenced. I can’t share my opinion without bringing a shit storm of insanity back on myself, so instead, I hide what I think and feel because my sometimes unpopular opinion is not welcome in this narrative. It’s not that I can’t say what I want. It’s that I can’t say it without encountering anger in response. And really…it doesn’t matter what I say – there will be people who…
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The truth is…
We’ve been sort of a mess. And I’m not sure what triggered it, really. I’d like to blame the lockdown, and honestly, that is probably a big part of it. Like the first domino, it’s the likely the catalyst that set the rest of the things falling. March 13 – The world around these parts stopped turning. March 16 – I had to completely shift my career from one that happens mainly in person to one that could only occur online. It meant hours of planning and prepping and creating. And that caused the stress. And the mania…and the inevitable crash. Which probably sent my already fragile libido into hibernation.…
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Telling My Inner Critic to Fuck Off
It is useful and necessary to have an inner voice. We need to be able to consider and argue our way into doing what we must. It’s how we mull over difficult decisions and build ourselves up when things get tough. If there were nothing but static or silence in our heads, we wouldn’t probably be very fabulous human beings. Empty. Thoughtless. Introspection, meta-cognition, reflection…these things make us human. Without the ability (or if we deny the ability), I will say flat out that I believe it makes us shallow. I have no problem with people (in fact I sort of envy them) who have the talent for shutting their…
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Luck Is Not Chance
“Luck is not chance– It’s Toil– Fortune’s expensive smile Is earned–“ Emily Dickinson I am very much wrapped up in the considerations of several memes this afternoon, my head full of the words of others, as I have spent the majority of my morning reading blog posts that have got me thinking deeply about my own life and marriage and desires. This year, I have made “mindfulness” my word…my aim in all things. But, I am finding it, already, overwhelming…and myself a disappointment. We are 19 days into a new year, and due to illness (first Him, then me, then Him), Mr. D and I haven’t had sex once. For…
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How I Plan My Goals & Schedule in 6 Steps
I never like to presume that I know how to do something better than someone else. What works for me isn’t always what will work for you. But, I’ve had a few twitter DMs and emails that have me thinking that this post might be necessary and valuable for some. My Resources: First, you need to know the resources I have accessed over the years to gain the background knowledge that I use for my process. I’ve read a lot of books on this topic, and these are the ones that I have consistently relied upon. I prefer audiobooks for this because…well…I don’t have a lot of time, and Iike…
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A note about mindfulness and goals (and submission)
For many of us, setting goals and making plans is the foundation of hope. And hope is the thing with feathers, yes? Hope is made up of our dreams…and a dream deferred is…well…sometimes necessary (given our current circumstances) and sometimes a way of subconsciously sabotaging our hope. Expect Slip-ups As we begin this new year, full of intentions and plans and goals (or not, as it suits), we know there will be times when we stray or fail to meet our own demands. This is why resolutions so often end up being left behind by the end of January. One slip-up, and we struggle to accept that we can do…
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Mental Health’s Impact on Sex Drive (revisited)
When I was young, I was moody. Anxious…on my way to an ulcer before I graduated high school. I was internally driven and often ran myself into the ground during periods of great productivity and creativity (I still do this, much to my Husband’s chagrin). I also found myself doing rather rash and stupid things sexually…usually while using alcohol and drugs. After these bouts of both good and bad behavior, I would shut down, hibernating in my room for days. My parents chalked it up to me being a teenage girl. But the behavior continued into college, becoming more pronounced and occurring more often. For me, as an English major,…
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The “Crazy” Cycle
This week’s Erotic Journal Challenge Prompt is “Hormones,” but as I find, for me, that this is also very tied to next week’s topic “Mental Health,” I’m going to go ahead and connect the two. I’ve already posted on both of these topics quite a few times, but I want to focus in on their direct relation to my current sense of sexuality, erotic well-being, and sexual relationship. I guess all of us have issues with hormones as some point in our life. And I know that quite a few of us struggle with various mental health issues (or combinations of several). When you put hormones and mental health issues…
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This is Not “Sub Frenzy”
This post is #27 in my 30 Days of D/s series. If you’d like to read more, please visit my 30 Days of D/s page for the complete inventory of posts. As someone who deals with bi-polar disorder and completely understands the implications of manic behavior, I guess I’d have to admit that I can become frenetic about anything new: a project, a goal, a plan, and yes…a lifestyle. Though I wouldn’t say it’s a bad thing, necessarily, to be excited about the prospects of “new” endeavors, the “new” does tend to wear off pretty quickly for me. And I fear that. Because when it wears off, it often brings guilt and shame…
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Consent: The Difference Between Abuse and BDSM
This post is #11 in my 30 Days of D/s series. If you’d like to read more, please visit my 30 Days of D/s page for the complete inventory of posts. Consent is the basis of any relationship, especially a D/s relationship. Without it, you don’t have D/s…you potentially have abuse. When a submissive gives permission for her mind and body to be controlled (in whatever ways have been agreed upon) by a Dominant, she is handing over this control because she trusts that He will have her best interests in mind, pushing her mentally, emotionally, spiritually, sexually, or in whatever other way she (and He) feel she needs to…
