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A Holy Yes
“Our task it to say a holy yes to the real things of our life.” Natalie Goldberg We stayed up late talking. About us. And our relationship. And sex. It’s never a good idea, but the truth-serum, courage-inducing, emotion-heightening fog of alcohol and fatigue break down barriers and make us weak. Yes, we know, we’ve got a problem. But there is some good that comes of it sometimes. As long as we’ve held our tongues and said nothing outwardly combative, sometimes we uncover truths that have lain in darkness. In the couch, before bed, He said I don’t make my desires clear…that He wants to know what I want…
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The precipice…
Big deep breath in… This post may go everywhere, and I’m going to let it. *** Awhile back, I considered writing a post called, “What my cats have taught me about polyamory.” The idea was that, I have two cats, whom I love dearly…but they hate each other. I am constantly telling them (yes, I talk to them) that I love them both equally, and I can’t understand why they won’t see that. But, their jealousy remains, green between us. The funny thing is, one will burrow under a blanket and snuggle up next to me, while the other sits on my lap. They both know the other is there,…
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TGIF
Happy Friday! And, of course, Happy #boobday! Like many people, I see Fridays as a special day , something to look forward to and celebrate each week. It’s a small celebration…making it through another week to the weekend. It isn’t because I don’t like my work; I do, very much most days. But it takes a lot out of me, so the prospect of a few days to sleep in and relax more than usual is a blessing. My mind, body, and soul crave the weekend. Fridays are also good because it’s the day I socialize with friends. In normal times, it’s drinks at a local pub after work. Now,…
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Getting past the blank page
I have to admit, sometimes looking at this blank screen is terrifying. Especially after a respite. But, I’m going to type some words, and then follow those with a few more words and hope for the best. As you have always done, I know you will understand and welcome me back with open arms no matter how meandering and stream-of-consciousness my thoughts become. My work for the year came to an end last week, and I think my body basically just threw up its hands and said you’re gonna rest, bitch…even if I have to make you. So, naturally, I got sick the weekend before my final two days of work…
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Facing Fears to Invite Possibility
This week’s Food for Thought Friday prompt is: This week’s Prompt ~ Room 101 When we realised it was week 101 we knew this would be our only opportunity to use Room 101 as the source for our questions. Room 101 first appeared in the book 1984 by George Orwell. It’s an extremely insightful novel. The room was said to contain a person’s greatest fear. The popular TV show of the same name asked people to consign their pet hates to Room 101. With this in mind what we want to know is… What are your main hates and/or fears – sex wise or other – that you would like banished from your…
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Processing Emotions about Polyamory
I’m having a lot of feels today. And rather than stuffing them down as I normally do when it comes to this, because I’m afraid of causing problems or being seen as too emotional or reactionary, I’m going to process it (quickly – which is not my normal manner)…to avoid causing bigger problems later. Yesterday, Mr. D was down. Very down. He hung out in bed for some time, but I didn’t want to force Him to have a conversation He wasn’t ready to have. Besides, if it was depression rearing it’s unwanted little head, I knew He might be telling me the truth when I He told me He…
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Monogamy
So I had a bad weekend. My mood dropped dramatically, and I found myself fighting to stay afloat in my head. I’ll be okay…don’t worry. I have times like this. Depression never fully goes away, and I often feel like I’m just a few steps ahead of the demon. Both Mr. D and I deal with it, so we take care of each other when the monsters come to call. That’s one of the things I love most about my marriage. How we take care of each other. But that’s not what I want to write about today. What I want to write about is monogamy. Excuse the stream of…
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True Colors
We are all made of so many colors. There are days when I feel black…dark…a void of too many or not enough color. Other days, I feel neon or pastel or vibrantly primary. Mostly, I feel like a rainbow, a bit of every color joined to create a swirling mix of complexity. My marriage is similar. Some days it seems like a watercolor with too much water, washed out and tired, soaking the paper to soggy bits. Other days, it seems like fire, licking reds and oranges. Most often, it is a soft shade of gray or blue, comfortable and inviting. _________ Night before last, my husband and…
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My letters to A (annotated version)
I posted this a few days back, but as I could see where the comments were headed, I felt I needed to “re-work” this and clarify a few things. I think it’s easy to just say I’m a crazy bitch here, and leave it at that. And it’s also easy to say Mr. LL is a weak Dom, as well. But, honestly, neither of those things are true. We ARE new to this. And I CAN see how that could be a criticism – that maybe we’re too new at it ourselves to be adding a third person to the mix…a person with different dominance needs, say, than I have.…
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Would you say no to a threesome?
First of all…I’m exhausted. Can’t really divulge any of the “work” details, as that would give my occupation away – but suffice it to say – the past few weeks have been nothing but performance evaluations, and I’ve had it up to here with unmotivated inferiors pissing and moaning about having to do their share. That said…tonight’s post may fall flat because of it. But, here goes – So the Wicked Wednesday prompt this week is: I’ve thought long and hard about this prompt. It’s so wide open it could go so many ways…and I’ve had a really hard time trying to narrow it down. But, as I’m currently sorting…
