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Listening to Heal
I’ve told you before that I’m a teacher IRL. And this year, it’s pushing me in ways it never has before, not only because of the work load and the shift in delivery methods, but also because we have been mandated to provide social/emotional support through an advisory class. I forge good relationships with my students in normal times, but trying to develop connections online and support them in times of trauma and stress is pushing me to be more vulnerable myself and engage in ways that I normally would not. It’s not always comfortable. I’m not a touchy-feely, nurturing type. But I am perceptive, and I do care deeply.…
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The Four Foundations of Mindfulness
Practicing mindfulness is a way to become more present in every area of our lives, including our romantic and sexual relationships. According to Buddhist teachings, the Four Foundations of mindfulness are: Mindfulness of body Mindfulness of feelings Mindfulness of thought/consciousness Mindfulness of how your mind works Mindfulness of Body In relationships, mindfulness of our bodies can help us to become more aware of our base physical reactions (i.e. tension, relaxation, tingling, temperature). Any change in our physical condition in relation to an interaction or thought of our partner can yield important information which can be used to improve our relationship. Situations when our bodies may react might be during conversations…
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Defining “Mindful Marriage”
I spent a little time today researching “mindful marriage,” just trying to get a handle on what the internet thinks it is, in all its variations. I liked this definition of mindfulness from marriage.com: In its simplest form, mindfulness is about being in the present moment, slowing down to become attuned with ourselves and others, and acknowledging the experiences of ourselves and others with a spirit of curiosity and compassion. It means not letting our awareness wander when we are supposed to be focused on something specific. It means being HERE…NOW…IN THIS PLACE…WITH THIS PERSON…COMPLETELY. I can honestly say, I don’t do that often enough. My brain is so fractured…
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Being Mindful of Negative Traits that Hinder Submission
We all have negative and positive personality traits, but some of our negative traits can directly, and seriously, impact our ability to be successful submissives. It’s not so much having the traits that is the problem (any of us can work to lessen the ill affects of our personality flaws), rather it is the unwillingness to put forth the effort to change, or worse still, identify or admit them. For me, my worst submissive-halting qualities are selfishness and a need to control things. I also have a tendency to hyper-focus…on things that don’t matter nearly as much as my relationships. You know…the things I can control. Like housework and work.…
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A note about mindfulness and goals (and submission)
For many of us, setting goals and making plans is the foundation of hope. And hope is the thing with feathers, yes? Hope is made up of our dreams…and a dream deferred is…well…sometimes necessary (given our current circumstances) and sometimes a way of subconsciously sabotaging our hope. Expect Slip-ups As we begin this new year, full of intentions and plans and goals (or not, as it suits), we know there will be times when we stray or fail to meet our own demands. This is why resolutions so often end up being left behind by the end of January. One slip-up, and we struggle to accept that we can do…
