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Step One
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are the 5 stages of loss, and I can say that I have definitely gone through all of these (I’m currently in stage 5) during #stayathome2020. In early March, I was very much in denial. I watched the news and was pretty sure it would all blow over. Our administration asked for superficial ways to deal with the possibility of remote learning, but the requests were half-hearted. And our janitorial crew jokingly gave us “professional development” on how best to clean our classrooms – spray the counters with disinfectant, wait one minute, and wipe down. We actually had to sign a paper saying we’d been through this training. Things got…
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Sorry, Not Sorry
I’m a cyclical creature. A creature of habit. A creature of of comfort. And when life overwhelms, I have a tendency to go inward to rest and rejuvenate. Sometimes it takes a weekend. Sometimes several months. I’ve talked about my “cycles” before. They drive my Husband mad, because these cycles directly impact my writing, and…more importantly to Him, my sex drive. In fact, these cycles impact everything in my life. And while I truly apologize for the impact that they have, I’m not sure I’m sorry that I have them. I mean, quite honestly, I think they are a natural part of the ebb and flow of my emotional output.…
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Mental Health’s Impact on Sex Drive (revisited)
When I was young, I was moody. Anxious…on my way to an ulcer before I graduated high school. I was internally driven and often ran myself into the ground during periods of great productivity and creativity (I still do this, much to my Husband’s chagrin). I also found myself doing rather rash and stupid things sexually…usually while using alcohol and drugs. After these bouts of both good and bad behavior, I would shut down, hibernating in my room for days. My parents chalked it up to me being a teenage girl. But the behavior continued into college, becoming more pronounced and occurring more often. For me, as an English major,…
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The “Crazy” Cycle
This week’s Erotic Journal Challenge Prompt is “Hormones,” but as I find, for me, that this is also very tied to next week’s topic “Mental Health,” I’m going to go ahead and connect the two. I’ve already posted on both of these topics quite a few times, but I want to focus in on their direct relation to my current sense of sexuality, erotic well-being, and sexual relationship. I guess all of us have issues with hormones as some point in our life. And I know that quite a few of us struggle with various mental health issues (or combinations of several). When you put hormones and mental health issues…
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Changes
I’m not a person who handles stress well. Even good changes can send me right over the edge if they impact my sense of stability, control, or make me feel as if I can’t possibly meet the situation with competance. A few days ago, Mr. D and I found house (and yes, we’ve been lazily considering moving to a bigger place for years). We have so outgrown our current accomodations, but the whole “moving thing” is so fucking unappealing that it’s really easy just to dream and talk about it than actually begin all of the prep work that says, hey, we’re fucking serious. But then, we found the house. And…
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Sometimes…
I’m not always in the mood to write. Usually, it’s a product of being too tired to think deeply, or at least make sense of my thoughts on paper (or screen). Sometimes, I just truly can’t think of anything to write about. Sometimes I’d rather sit on the couch and watch movies with my family. Sometimes I’m moody and my mind is blank, giving me space to brood or just heal mentally. And I’ve always taken Fridays off during work weeks, as those are reserved for time with my Husband, since the kiddo is with the grandparents. It’s why I always go into a writing challenge like “Every Damn Day…
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D/s Doesn’t Mean Leaving Vanilla Behind
This post is #12 in my 30 Days of D/s series. If you’d like to read more, please visit my 30 Days of D/s page for the complete inventory of posts. Discussing my journey from “just vanilla” to D/s isn’t something new for this site. I’ve written many posts on this topic, several of which were compiled in this post. This post is the first I ever wrote about myself possibly being submissive. But, since the question is being asked for 30 Days of D/s, I guess I’ll go back and look at it from a fresh perspective. I’m a fan of vanilla. It’s my go-to latte flavor, and while…
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Sexiness is a State of Mind
It’s easy to explain away (in superficial terms) what does or does not make me feel physically sexy: when I look and feel good in what I’m wearing; when my hair does the right thing; when my make-up just works. But, since sexiness is really a state of mind, a way of thinking, it has less to do with those actual physical things than the way I feel about myself at any given time. And my self-image is usually indicative of my current state of mental health. For example, I could wear the same dress on two different days. One of those days, I might see myself as sexy in…
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I want it when I’ve had it
So, I’m going to take you down a bit of a rabbit hole today. This morning, I read a January 30th post from Marie Rebel titled “Less Sex, Less Drive” that began by referencing a January 3rd post from Girl on the Net titled “What If I Never Have Sex Again?” This is the quote that Marie opens with: Secondly, I think my sex drive would probably just start to erode. My lust is pretty self-sustaining, in that the more recently I have had sex, the more likely I am to want more sex. As the time passes between shags, whichever part of my brain (or my cunt) is responsible for telling…
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When things are good…
For someone with bi-polar disorder, when things are good, there’s a constant underlying fear. It’s not a matter of if things will stop being good…it’s when. And sure, it’s really easy to say…just stop worrying about it. But for someone who’s been experiencing severe mood changes for more than half their life, that’s just not possible. I’ve even read such advice as: if you’d just stop worrying about the drops, you’d stop having them…it’s the constant focus on mood that causes the drops in the first place. Every day, I track my mood. I try to figure out triggers and avoid them. I try to determine the impacts of weather, the moon,…
