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Prozac Nation (FPF 6)
I read Prozac Nation at a time in my life when I was just beginning to come to terms with my mental health “issues,” for want of a better description. This book and others helped me to name the experiences I was having and to eventually begin a dialogue with medical professionals and begin working my way out of the dark. I haven’t read anything by Wurtzel since More, Now, Again. So I wasn’t aware, until my search for links for this post, that Wurtzel died of metastatic breast cancer in 2020 . Here’s the NY Times article: Elizabeth Wurtzel, ‘Prozac Nation’ Author, is Dead at 52 Here is a link…
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Not measuring up…
I’ll warn you now, this is really just a boring self-accountability post. Nothing sexy here. Just thinking on the page. It won’t hurt my feelings if you duck out now. In fact, I won’t even notice. Last week’s review/preview was titled “The inevitable slowdown,” and this week, I find myself feeling like I’m simply not measuring up. So, I spent a few hours reflecting on what is working and what isn’t working in my life right now. “To understand is to perceive patterns.” Isaiah Berlin In the course of my reflection, I realized that breaks set me up for unrealistic expectations. For example, over my winter holiday, I…
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Developments
It had been nearly three weeks since we’d had hungry, mindless, middle-of-the-night sex. Sex that he woke up regretting because he felt it sent the message that things were fine…or better. We’ve been here before. Nothing new, and most of my readers are already familiar with the tale. But for those who are not, here’s a synopsis: The school year begins and my stress level increases. My focus turns to work, and my libido takes a hike. Sometime around November, things calm down, and my libido returns, along with my creative focus. Given my work, this cycle isn’t likely to change until I retire. There are just times of year…
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Fear
Today’s topic for The Submissive Advent Calendar is fear…specifically in relation to submission. But let me expand it to my sex life. The longer we go without, the more afraid I become. Not so much that he will leave or find someone else (he has promised that he isn’t going anywhere and that he will remain faithful)…but that I will lose him, anyway. That we will simply slip into existence. That intimacy will disappear. That our connection will dry up and leave us with no way back. That I won’t be able to find him again. I’m afraid that my libido will finally dip so low it will recede into…
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Keeping the candle lit
I didn’t post yesterday because I didn’t feel well. I woke too early, my eyes were puffy in response to something I’d eaten, I’m guessing. Or maybe I cried in my sleep. And I simply had no energy or motivation. I was low, too. So I spent the day sleeping and hidden in my book, where I could stop thinking and just be. In our conversation Saturday morning, he made many valid points, but there was no solution. I was basically left with: I suck, and there’s nothing that can be done. He feels sex is a bad idea, in this climate, and noted regret for the last time, when,…
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Meow
I got THE cutest set from adoreme.com this month. And I had planned to work in a photo session before Halloween, because…hello! This is soooo in season, thematically. BUT, things have just not been quite ON recently. Mr. D started working nights at the beginning of September, and I went back to work full time, started my internship, and went back to school. It’s meant more on my plate at home and as a parent, as well. I taxi my son from sport to sport pretty much every week night. I finally put my foot down on Fridays, so I’d have a chance to get drinks with friends. But my…
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Breaking Bad Habits & Finding Motivation
This isn’t going to be a sexy post…but it’s related to sex in a certain way. Which I’ll get to. Over the course of the last stupid pandemic year (I should have just titled this post How Covid Ruined My Health and Made Me Fat), I’ve pretty much let my health go. In the beginning, it wasn’t so bad. I was feeling pretty motivated, stuck at home, because it was “new.” My yoga studio went virtual, and I was doing yoga every weekday at 10 am, because it fit into my new at-home work day. I was monitoring and controlling what I ate during the day, and I drank enough…
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Emotional Health and Submission
Submission appeals to responsible, hard working and independent women, because it takes them to a world free from those pressures. Are submissive all hard working and independent? Have you found this statement to be true? Is submission a world without pressure? This morning, as I was doing my submissive reading/research, as I am wont to do on a weekend morning, I came across Lillith Avir’s prompt (above) and read a section of Luna K’s Submissive Journey, “Living as an emotionally healthy submissive.” I find some connections between these two sources, so I wanted to take a moment to reflect. First, I’ll respond to Lillith’s questions. I don’t believe all submissives…
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Without Color
It’s been awhile since I shared an image. I haven’t been pleased with what I see in the mirror lately…for more than one reason. I also haven’t felt terribly sexy or sensual. Mostly, my life has been sports bras and functional, comfortable cotton. I haven’t shaved or buffed or scrubbed or polished. I’ve showered, and worked, and escaped into TV and books, and slept. It’s about all I can manage. Sometimes, depression sneaks up on me like this. I’m so good at compartmentalizing and functioning on autopilot that I don’t realize the monster has taken me until I find myself in bed at noon on a Saturday, unable to muster…
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An Overcast Fall Day
It’s an overcast fall day. I’m sitting in my truck, spiced-chai eggnog latte steaming in the cupholder, typing this entry while my son gears up for a soccer game. I’m alone in the quiet…the only sounds the tapping of keys, the whoosh of passing cars behind me, and the yells of kids and coaches in preparation. These are my Saturdays. On the surface, my plaid/jeans/scrunchy winter socks/ankle boots/cable-knit hat facade is calm and smiling. A supportive soccer mom just waiting for the game to begin. Happy with my lot. And honestly, I mostly am. But my marriage is a mess, friends, and being here, as the rain begins to tap…
