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Restructuring
So we finally talked this morning, to reestablish our ground rules and boundaries. He began with, tell me what you’re willing to do. It was one way to start. But I opted to turn it around, in an attempt to keep him from editing his desires to accommodate mine. What do you want? We agreed that a D/s foundation is good for us both. He is a better person when he feels his Dominance is strong and respected. It fuels his self-esteem and makes him a happier human. I DO struggle with submission. Not gonna lie…I’m not a natural submissive, but I AM and always have been the more submissive…
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A “good girl” is always available
He came home an entered my office, where I sat, brain mired in law books and legal cases, writing a paper for school. I looked up at Him, knowing He’d expect me to come in the other room and remove His boots, as is our nightly ritual, but I could see a deeper expectation in His expression. I wasn’t ready to fulfill it. My mind was on my work and I didn’t want to stop. He knows me well, and I’m sure He could see that stress was bubbling to the surface. Before I Had a chance to put up any resistance, like the terrible sub I was being, He…
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Dominance and the Power of Command
I’m on Spring Break right now, which is heavenly. I have absolutely nothing planned, other than catching up on the mountain of laundry in my mudroom, writing, and reading. Mr. D, is at work, though, and sometimes it’s fun when He intrudes on my R & R. Like yesterday – He sent me this text… Send me a picture of your pussy with something in it…preferably something large. I immediately set to work trying to come up with something creative. I looked around the house…and honestly thought through every option that hit my eye: candles, bottles, decorations of various shapes and sizes. But I knew none of these things would…
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What is a Soft Dom?
If you’re new to BDSM terms, here’s a handy article that lays out some basic types of dominants and submissives. And here is an article I wrote awhile back: 14 Qualities of a “Good” Dominant. Recently I saw a post on twitter referencing “soft Doms,” and while I can make some reasonable assumptions about what the term means and how a “soft Dom” differs from a “hard Dom,” I decided to do a little research and see if I could define it more clearly…especially since I suspect this is the best term for my Husband’s style. Reddit’s BDSM community forum offered up this response: Soft Dom: asks you to obey…
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Seeking Perfection vs. Creating a Vision
I’m not a natural submissive. While I am more submissive than I am dominant, and I do like the power dynamic of Him being in charge and me following, I can honestly say it does not come naturally to me. I have to work at it. I used to feel guilty about that…like I was somehow defective in this regard. I also assumed at several points, that I probably would never really be able to enjoy a D/s relationship because of it. The thing is, though, we can create the life we want, and we can become the people we want to be. Sure it might take a bit more…
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New to D/s? Where should you start?
Probably the best guidance I have ever come across regarding D/s is that there is no one true way…no particularly right way to do it. And I believe one of the gravest mistakes people can make when new to D/s is assume that there is. Of course there are good rules of thumb and things one should do to protect themselves. But, in the grand scheme of things, as long as you are considering your safety and the safety of others, and everyone involved has given consent, it’s your show. There are things that many long-timers suggest, such as having a safeword and being clear on and outspoken about your…
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My “Vision” of Dominance
This is a follow-up piece to My submissive “Vision” I’ve always be drawn to quiet dominance in men…not the sort of loud, brazen “I’m in charge here” arrogance that can be mistaken for dominance. The type you can feel in your bones and see in His eyes. My Husband need not say a word for me to know that a switch has been flipped and things are no longer up for discussion. His eyes can tell me “No” or “Stop” or “Begin” or “You’re on thin ice” or any number of things without His words ever getting called in to play. The fact that I respond to this, willingly or no,…
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D/s as a Regular Show of Faith
Almost every weekend, Mr. D and I have a “marriage talk” — a sort of state of the union, if you will. It’s an opportunity to discuss things that are bothering us or things we’d like to change, and one of the things that came up a few weekends ago is that we’re seeing a marked rise in difficulty creating space for an adequate amount of “adult” time. Even though we recently moved into a house that moved our bedroom further from our son’s, he’s now at an age where he is more aware and doesn’t just sleep through everything. We’re having to be more careful and creative. We aren’t the…
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Fact vs. Fiction in D/s
We have ideas about the way things “should” be…the way we wish or hope they could or will be at some point. Even if we know those things aren’t completely possible, we can use them as “visions,” something to move toward. After all, the journey is more important than the destination, and even though we may never attain the vision, we are on a path toward something bigger, and that is progress in my book, even if the vision changes and the path changes with it. Revision is sometimes necessary, and that’s okay…maybe even preferable to “staying the course.” But, I think it’s important to discern between fantasy and reality…
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The Perfect Submissive…
…exists only in fiction and film. And fiction and film can be disheartening to those who wish to find an identity in the world of D/s. I may not be the one to give advice on submission, as I personally feel like I am wanting in this role, but I truly think it’s a journey of becoming; and if you are in a D/s relationship, it’s a journey of becoming together, which is even more complex. What works for one, may not work for another, and therefore, in my opinion, there is no perfect submission, no one better way to be submissive. In my own relationship, while I can honestly…
