Opinion
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New to D/s? Where should you start?
Probably the best guidance I have ever come across regarding D/s is that there is no one true way…no particularly right way to do it. And I believe one of the gravest mistakes people can make when new to D/s is assume that there is. Of course there are good rules of thumb and things one should do to protect themselves. But, in the grand scheme of things, as long as you are considering your safety and the safety of others, and everyone involved has given consent, it’s your show. There are things that many long-timers suggest, such as having a safeword and being clear on and outspoken about your…
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How do you revive foreplay? (20 Ideas)
I LOVE foreplay. I’d say it’s my favorite part of a sexual experience (and honestly sometimes it has been better than the actual sex), but that’s not always true. The thing I like about foreplay is the build up. Foreplay can happen all day long…comments, texts, phone calls, glances…anything that assures or hints that sex is or could be on the way…at some point. It’s like waiting for the climax in a book or a movie. And my body reacts in the same way, faster breathing, widened pupils, tingling, muscle tightening. Of course, the climax of “the story” is wonderful, too…but it doesn’t last as long (usually), and sometimes there…
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What are your thoughts on porn?
Moving Images: I don’t watch much porn. I find it mostly disappointing, probably because of expect too much of it. But it certainly has its purpose, and I fall back on it in times of need, when I can’t summon the necessary fodder in my own imagination (which doesn’t happen all that often). I’ll be honest, too: I have a slim voyeuristic streak, and watching amateur-style videos on places like youporn can be an inspiring tool for masturbation. I’ve watched a few full-length movies, but let’s face it…no one watches porn for the story or the acting, and that is probably where I go wrong, expecting those things should exist in…
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What are your thoughts on PDA/kink in public?
I’m of two minds on this topic, moreso one than the other…so I’ll start with that one: I’ve never been one for affection in public. Not only does it make me uncomfortable to engage in it, but it also makes me uncomfortable to see it. I’m not talking little kisses and hugs…more like couples who make out and feel each other up on park benches, people who bring their kinks into public, and especially those people who feel it is their right to force their physicality on others. I believe my physical relationships are private, and I don’t like doing physical or sexual things in front of others (unless that…
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The Pros and Cons of Labels for Sexual Identity
When I was in college, I remember studying the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis, the theory that language determines thought. The hypothesis explains that we must draw from the lexicon we have, adding body language and tone to fine tune the messages we intend to communicate. If this hypothesis is correct, then our thoughts are bound by our vocabulary. In other words, we can only think thoughts for which we have words. Now…I know we can encounter and think about things we have no words for, because even those things for which we have no words can be categorized with other similar things for which we do have words: Hmmm…that is round and…
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Blue
“Each band or level, being a particular manifestation of the spectrum, is what it is only by virtue of the other bands. The color blue is no less beautiful because it exists along side the other colors of a rainbow, and “blueness” itself depends upon the existence of the other colors, for if there were no color but blue, we would never be able to see it.” – Ken Wilber Given the theme for this month’s Lingerie is for Everyone, I found this quote to be especially thoughtful.
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Masturbating to Relax
There are a million and one good ways to relax, but I must say that masturbation is one of my top ten. Here are my top three reasons… It Helps Me sleep I usually find myself seeking it out right when I go to bed. It takes me less than 5 minutes to climax (10 on a particularly tough night), and then boom, I’m off to the land of nod, mind cleared, daily stress minimized, and body-tension released. It’s not magic. In fact, it’s quite easy to explain how it works. I have a basic vibrating dildo, but I rarely use it internally. I know that every woman’s body is…
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It’s hard for me to write this…
Having a public blog is somewhat like being in a relationship. In the beginning, it is tenuous and exciting. There is so much promise and hope and confusion and emotion. So much to build. However, it’s young, and if it doesn’t work out, there might be a few tears, but it can be rebuilt. The foundation is fluid. If you manage to set some roots in solid ground and gain some followers…it’s harder to start over, change, or let go. Because there are expectations. Even if they’re just your own. I’ve been blogging since sometime around 2008. I started with a few poetry and lifestyle blogs, but I didn’t have…
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Zero Fucks Given
I’m not afraid to speak my mind or share my opinion. In person, face to face, I’m willing to debate and stand up for controversial ideas and unpopular (or popular) beliefs. I’ll even gladly defend my opponent’s right to disagree with me. That’s what freedom of speech is all about. Make no mistake. I will take a stand for what I feel is right. At work. In my community. And at home…I’ll let my opinion pour forth unbidden and without worry. But online? In social media? On my website? I used to be stupid enough to expend precious energy doing this. But then I realized that I only have so…
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Smut Marathon Round 4 Feedback
For this round of feedback, I chose to use a “teacher” strategy called “2 Stars and a Wish” — that’s two things well done and one suggestion or question or critique. I’ll admit, I did have to work a little hard to find two stars on some than others. As I read, and tracked my thoughts, I also marked stories with a “*” or “**” when they really stood out to me. Somehow, I got lucky enough to end up with just the right number of double-star entries. Then, it was just a matter of ranking them. As with previous rounds, what I looked for specifically were well-written pieces (grammatically…
