Opinion
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Dominance and the Power of Command
I’m on Spring Break right now, which is heavenly. I have absolutely nothing planned, other than catching up on the mountain of laundry in my mudroom, writing, and reading. Mr. D, is at work, though, and sometimes it’s fun when He intrudes on my R & R. Like yesterday – He sent me this text… Send me a picture of your pussy with something in it…preferably something large. I immediately set to work trying to come up with something creative. I looked around the house…and honestly thought through every option that hit my eye: candles, bottles, decorations of various shapes and sizes. But I knew none of these things would…
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Emotional Health and Submission
Submission appeals to responsible, hard working and independent women, because it takes them to a world free from those pressures. Are submissive all hard working and independent? Have you found this statement to be true? Is submission a world without pressure? This morning, as I was doing my submissive reading/research, as I am wont to do on a weekend morning, I came across Lillith Avir’s prompt (above) and read a section of Luna K’s Submissive Journey, “Living as an emotionally healthy submissive.” I find some connections between these two sources, so I wanted to take a moment to reflect. First, I’ll respond to Lillith’s questions. I don’t believe all submissives…
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Aiming to Belong Instead of Trying to Fit In
I very much resist when people try to put me in a box…label me…tell me what I can or can’t or should or shouldn’t be. It brings the rage monster out in me. (Unless, of course, it’s my Husband…and it’s related to our D/s relationship…but that’s a whole different subject, entirely.) And it doesn’t need to be direct. It can be an indirect implication set by society or a group or an individual. You’re a ________, so you should be like this. This is how you should ________. Be friends with these people…but not these ones. Eat this…don’t eat that. Like this. Don’t like this. Believe this. Censor yourself to…
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5 legitimate ways to kick start your libido
The longer I live this “low-libido” rollercoaster journey, the more I learn. And because I know there are people out there on the same frustrating path, I’d like to share a few insights from my field notes. Over the years, I’ve found that a few things work more than others, and much like any health journey, it comes down to commitment and dedication. Just like when you want to lose weight, you have to change your lifestyle and improve your habits. There’s no quick fix or magic pill. Though some people go to extreme measures to find an easy solution (cleanses, surgeries, medications), it won’t stick if your habits don’t…
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What is a Soft Dom?
If you’re new to BDSM terms, here’s a handy article that lays out some basic types of dominants and submissives. And here is an article I wrote awhile back: 14 Qualities of a “Good” Dominant. Recently I saw a post on twitter referencing “soft Doms,” and while I can make some reasonable assumptions about what the term means and how a “soft Dom” differs from a “hard Dom,” I decided to do a little research and see if I could define it more clearly…especially since I suspect this is the best term for my Husband’s style. Reddit’s BDSM community forum offered up this response: Soft Dom: asks you to obey…
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Strong foundations allow for growth
I posted earlier on the topic of foundations. But today, as I was perusing other people’s posts, I came across one that got me thinking about foundations in relationships again and how important they are when it comes to growth and change and risk. When you have a solid foundation of friendship, commitment, love, respect, etc., you have the luxury of risk, experimentation, and failure without bringing down the whole building. A strong foundation allows a relationship to continually find its wings. When one partner messes up, that foundation holds things together while everyone heals. When one or more partners wants to explore something new and it fails, the foundation…
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Soul Mate
People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mate’s purpose is to shake you up,…
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24/7 D/s = just our way of life
Lillith Avir’s No True Way’s most recent prompt struck a chord with me, and I’ve been carrying it around in my brain for the past several days, letting it roll it around and smooth its edges like a river rock. The quote she refers to in her prompts is “Real D/s dynamics are 24/7.” I’m assuming this to mean that “D/s dynamics are only real when they are 24/7,” and “Real D/s dynamics are always 24/7.” Basically, all of that is crap. Real is what you say is real, when it comes to your relationship, and finite terminology like always, never, and only are simply dangerous in any circumstance. Your relationship is…
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Falling into place (types of submission)
Part of reclaiming my submission is falling back into place within our relationship. That means some changes that I’m used to and some changes I’ve never been good at. Service submission Thankfully, His main love language is Acts of Service, because I honestly believe that this is the type of submission I do best. Serving Him first at dinner, pulling off His boots at night, keeping my body ready for Him, keeping the house and my own appearance nice, running His errands without complaint, making sure He always has clean jeans and underwear, getting His drinks in the evening and at parties. I’m fairly good at attending to His needs…
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The Dominant/submissive Scale
D/s can be role play. Don’t get me wrong. Playing out a scene where someone is the Dominant party (like the professor) who ties up or spanks the submissive party (like the naughty student) can be perfectly satisfying. And there is nothing wrong with D/s being an occasional part of your sexual repertoire. But D/s can be more than role play. It can be a way of life. Dominance and submission are really just personality types. And there’s a sliding scale. I would wager that the vast majority of us are more or less one or the other (though it can be situational and can change in particular environments or with certain…
