Erotic Journal Challenge
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The Erotic Blueprint
But then, maybe that’s because I’ve already done quite a bit of reflection when it comes to my sexuality. I know I’ve still got a lot to learn, though. That’s the beauty and fun of sexuality…there’s always more to uncover and more to experience. We change as we grow older. Our partners change, too. And so the landscape is, much like the real land, always in a state of becoming. Sure there are certain recognizable features, things that return or remain steadfast. But, there is always something that has been overlooked, something new that has grown while weren’t paying attention. Why, just yesterday, I went into the yard and found…
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Setting boundaries (for the blog) and making plans (for the EJC)
I’ve been struggling, I’ll be honest. My motivation and energy have been low. My libido has been asleep. I’ve basically been hibernating and working on autopilot. I mean…I know that I do this, but it’s hard not to judge myself and be hard on myself…like…fucking get your head out, already…you’ve got shit to do…you’ve made commitments…you’ve got projects…and you’re failing at them…and you just keep getting stuck in this cycle. That’s how kind my inside voice is. And she’s right. I haven’t finished a book this year, even though I said I’d read at least one per month. I kind of bailed on The 💯 Story Challenge this past week.…
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Valentine
Heart-shaped sentiments wrapped in plastic sit on shelves, waiting to be purchased– given in stead of unpolished words: the real gold and diamonds, hidden beneath silence in the darkness of that knowing space between us. These feelings cost nothing… cannot be found at the checkout, an afterthought among the magazines and candy bars. Love does not need a holiday. It needs every day. Every breath. Every heartbeat.
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Finding joy
Joy is a slippery emotion. I’ll be honest, while I’d consider myself content most of the time these days (it’s been a blissfully long time since I had a truly low and lengthy dark patch with my mental health), joy is not an emotion I think I feel often. And it isn’t an emotion I’d really ever consider using in context with sex. However, since this IS the Erotic Journal Challenge…I guess that’s the challenge, right? So what brings me joy in the context of my relationship? When things are spot on with us, when we’re connected, and usually when energy is high because we are doing something fun and…
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What are you hungry for?
I’m hungry for that feeling I get when He takes me by surprise, kissing me deeply…when I lose myself and my body begins to boil beneath the skin…rumbling vibrations from the core. And my eyes close…plunging me into the dark behind my lids, that dance of colors that expand like lava. The deepening of breath, the melting into him, the letting go. He can still do that to me. And it takes very little to do, if I’m receptive, present…available… …and not distracted. A kiss can weaken me, derail me, wipe me clean. A kiss in the morning before work…not the daily peck on the lips, the distracted, absent, habitual…
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Bookmarking: a strategy for prioritizing intimacy
So I kind of continued down my internet rabbit hole from yesterday, moving from mindful intimacy to the consideration of presence and freedom, within the context of connection to a partner and/or lover. I know I need to be more mindful and more present in the most important areas of my life. To plan less so I can do one more of what matters. It means not letting my schedule get away from me…because time is the key. It also means maintaining energy, because even when I have time, if I don’t have the energy to do things, I won’t have the motivation and I won’t be able to focus.…
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Mindful intimacy
Recently He asked me, re: our relationship and sex life, “what do you need…what do you want…and what can you put up with?” That last may sound really resigned and negative, but what it really gets at is that major difference between our desire (or lack of) for including others in our sex life. For Him, that is in the want or need category. For me, it’s meh, unless something happens organically. It’s not that I don’t desire anyone besides my Husband. But, who I desire is so much a matter of circumstance that I have zero interest in swiping right or left and trying to make it happen. But…
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A passionate marriage
So yesterday, I got a bit off track by looking up the definition of passion. Really, the focus of the question should have been…what makes you feel passion? What ignites you? Not “what turns you on?” We’ll get there soon enough. What makes a passionate marriage? That’s the ticket. Because that’s what I want. And we have one, on occasion, so I know what elements I find “passionate.” It’s the opposite of complacent. Deeper, longer goodbye kisses. Stronger, tighter hugs. Holding hands. Sexual touch. A quick make-out session behind closed doors, between dinner and family time. Sex we’re yearning for. Grabbing, squeezing, needing. Deep conversations about our hopes and dreams and…
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The definition of passion
As I searched for a definition of passion to begin today’s reflection, I found this article that made me stop and reconsider it from a different angle: The Real Meaning of Passion. (It’s short and worth the quick read if you’d like a little surge of inspiration.) In this article the author refers to the original definition…the willingness to suffer for something you love. At first, when I saw this definition, I discarded it as the more negative and leaned toward the more positive sounding “intense, driving, or overmastering feeling or conviction.” This article posits the question: What are you willing to give up to have the things you really want?…
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Soul-sharing
“Each of us literally chooses, by his way of attending to things, what sort of universe he shall appear to himself to inhabit.” William James Reality is very much a product of personal experience. How I process events, what I remember, what I forget. And I have a tendency to get lost in a moment, keeping only snippets, feelings, thoughts, smells. This is part of the reason I journal so regularly and write things down. I forget specifics and details. But the ones I do remember, I needle on. I’m a big picture girl, who obsesses about things that often don’t matter, and doesn’t pay enough attention to the…
