A feeling of freedom, for me, is mostly about time and safety. Having the time to relax, enjoy, melt.
And feeling safe allows me to trust and let go, which is what I need to really be present…or better yet, lose myself, sensually, to a situation.
It may sound counterintuitive, but safety also means boundaries, limits, knowing where the edges are and steering clear of them.
I’m not a risk-taker. And when I stray toward the lines I’ve set, consciously or no, I tense, and presence is lost.
Maybe that makes me a chicken.
I gain a sense of safety not only by planning and knowing, but also by not being alone. I do best as part of a team…right below the top. Not the leader, per se, but a co-leader or vice.
I am not a lone wolf.
The implications for my sex life are that, I don’t like to lead, but I also don’t like to be pushed. I like a clear sense of expectations. Trust. Communication of where I am going and what we are doing.
I don’t like to just let go, unless I am letting go into the known.
Even with someone I trust, I need this safety to be fully present.
That isn’t to say that I can’t experience things that make me uncomfortable. Or that I won’t try something new. It just means, when I am on edge, I am in fight/flight mode, rather than swimming in a void of freedom and light.
There are times when it makes sense to do one or the other.
Because trying new things expands and/or shifts boundaries. This is the only way for me to do that, because thinking about them and planning for them isn’t enough.
It’s a continual ebb and flow:
try something new
*feel nervous and on edge*
learn from the experience and either avoid it or try it again based on the results
*feel better the next time*
What are you hungry for?
What brings you joy?
What turns you on?
What turns you off?
What do you seek in others or a lover?