Experience

What do you seek in others (turn-ons & turn-offs)?

My top 5 turn-ons

Intelligence, humor, confidence, compassion, and sexual dominance (though I’m a bigger fan of soft dominance than hard)…these are all characteristics I am drawn to.

Intelligence: I seek those who seek knowledge. Those who continue to learn and aim to better themselves. Not the know-it-all or the arrogant ass, but the one we all go to for feedback, advice, honesty…answers. The one we know we can trust to tell us the truth, even when it’s hard. The one who knows more than we’d guess. The one we’d want on our Trivial Pursuit team.

Humor: If I can’t laugh with you, my relationship with you isn’t likely to go very deep. And if I can’t laugh with you about inappropriate shit, if I have to censor myself or worry about offending you at every turn, we might be able to be friends (because hey, I know how to socialize in polite circles), but we can never be more than that. Humor is also pretty tied up with intelligence. I am drawn to wit. To dark humor. To biting social and political commentary (from the right person and when it’s done with fun in mind).

Confidence & Sexual Dominance: I like people who know what they want, know what they are worth, and aim to get it. I’m not talking about entitlement (because that shit passes me off). Confident people inspire. They make better leaders. They draw people in because they make them feel safe. And while not all confident people are sexually dominant (I’m certainly not), to be sexually dominant, one must be confident. I’m not going to go into great detail about sexual dominance here. So if you aren’t sure what that really means, do a bit of research on the topic. I don’t like pushy people or those who think we owe them allegiance. There’s a big difference between cockiness and confidence.

Compassion: It’s important that people be considerate and you know…human. Caring for others in some capacity is important. In this context, I don’t expect people to be nice to everyone…or even to be kind. Quite honestly, not everyone deserves it, in my book. But having respect for others, being civil, making an effort to understand others, and listening…that’s a must.

 

I found this cute list of turn-ons and turn-offs based on astrological sign. Mine is pretty spot on. Go to lipstickalley.com to find yours!

 


What are your top 5 turn-ons?


 

The Senses

Most of us have one or two senses that we rely on or that seem to affect us more than the others. For me, it’s smell and touch.

Smell: Probably my biggest sensual turn on is scent. The right smell, which can be natural or perfume/cologne, can melt me…and the wrong one can sour me instantly. Chemistry is highly important. I’ve seen people online, thought them attractive, even written and spoken with them before to build a connection, and then met, only to find that there is something off about their scent.

Touch: Massage, playing with my hair, His lips or hot breath against my neck or ears, the vibration of his voice close to my skin, holding hands, hugs…you get the point. Touch is big for me. It’s an unspoken connection that says more than words have the capacity to communicate.

 


What are your “preferred” senses?


Turn-offs

Uncleanliness, arrogance, dishonesty/untrustworthiness, hypocrisy, pettiness, laziness. Not to say that I can’t be a slob from time to time, or even a bit lazy for short periods, but I’m talking as a prolonged personal characteristic. I’m also not a fan of smoking (my sense of smell is strong, and I hate the smell of cigarettes/weed). As I age, drunkenness also seems to be bothering me more and more. Being a bit tipsy, getting loud and having fun – not a problem! But slurring and falling down? Yeah, no. I’m over it. Many of us find ourselves in that position from time to time, but people who make this a habit? No, thank you. I’m not judging (though, if this describes you, you might want to get some support), I just choose not to be around it. I think it represents, for me, a general lack of self-control. And since I value safety/feeling safe, it causes me anxiety. I worry about others…and I’m annoyed by a lack of respect for others.

 


What are your turn-offs?


 

I can look past a lot. And I find a wide spectrum of people attractive. So, I wouldn’t say I have a type. Men, women, non-binary, straight, bi, lesbian…thin, thick…younger, older…none of that really sways me one way or another, specifically.

At the core, I look for a good person. An interesting person. An open person. A connection and kinship.

 

 

 

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