Blogging & Writing,  Experience

Yes and No

“In the degree that we remember and retell our stories and create new ones, we become the authors, the authorities, of our own lives.” – Sam Keen

 


 

I think about the purpose of writing quite often.

To communicate, to document, to keep track. Those are the obvious ones.

When I wrote my masters thesis, a large part of my focus was “writing to learn.” That is often what I think journaling is all about…or at least what I believe it should be about. Not just documenting what happens, but digging. Writing until we uncover. Processing things as we go. Finding out what we think by writing our way there.

From there, we can also write to plan ahead, to imagine, to paint a picture of something that does not yet exist. To create a world which we can then inhabit, if only in our minds.

Writing, can be so much more than words on a page. It can be whole worlds. Especially when we tell stories…our own stories in our own words, meant for our own interpretation and reflection.

You may wonder then, why I do it so publicly. Quite honestly, because of the accountability and connection.

Stories matter. Yours. Mine. Ours.

And this blog is a running record of the life (or at least one part of it) that I have lead, the life I continue to lead, and a consideration of what I want my future to be like.

I only focus on sex and marriage here. I give hints of other parts of my life as they relate to that (health, work, parenting, etc.). But, as with any story we choose to tell, we can’t include every character or setting or idea we’ve ever had.

This is one part of my story. A part that I feel, sometimes, the least in control of, which is probably why I never run out of things to write about here.

I mean, I could write about work or parenting or health or my hobbies. I could easily keep a journal or blog about any of those facets of my life. I hold off writing about those things here for a few reasons. First, I don’t want to bore anyone. Second, anonymity. Third, any time I’ve ever tried to turn this into more of a lifestyle blog, it’s seemed to unravel. It feels disjointed and “all over the place.”

So, I tell myself no a lot when it comes to writing for this blog.

 

*****

Wow…I really headed in a very different direction with this post than I intended. And isn’t that the beauty of reflective writing? Setting out without a plan, following the path my brain wants to take, and seeing where we end up? When I finally hit the “aha” moment of a journal entry (which I just did), it’s like making it to the top of the mountain, looking down across the valley. I gain a bit of perspective and now have the opportunity to take it in. You might wonder, then, what kernel of worth I just came across…so let’s get back to it.

*****

 

I’ve had several blogging friends tell me to just write about what I want and not to worry if it fits a theme. This doesn’t have to just be a sex blog. Or just a relationship blog. It can just be a blog.

I guess my worry is that, if people come here for the sex, they’ll be turned off by anything else. And maybe they’ll move along. They say we must find a niche in order to find our audience, right? They…that notorious they that seems to do a lovely job of binding us and labeling us and forcing us into a category.

Which isn’t necessarily true. The folks I follow don’t always write about sex, and I don’t care at all. In fact, I like knowing more about their lives. So why wouldn’t it be the same for me?

And anonymity? I always worry about that. I don’t want to be “found out,” and the more personal connections I make, the easier it might become to put the pieces together. So I hold back.

And expansion? Opening up the blog to more of a “lifestyle” feel? The times I’ve done it have made me feel purposeless and lost. Like my blog somehow lost its identity.

This blog tells a particular story. It could tell any story I want to any audience that comes. But I’ve chosen to tell the story of my sex/love life. I’ve opted to open that part of my brain for my own examination and my reader’s entertainment.

I don’t need to tell myself no as a writer. I can write any damned thing I want. About any topic or facet of my life. So maybe this is the year of more yes. The year I slowly begin to pull the pieces of my life together in one place. Because reflecting on all of it (or at least, more of it) may give me a clearer picture of the whole. Sort of like when they added color to The Wizard of Oz. It changes things. And little details I might not have seen come to light.

So let’s leave it at “open.” I’m not saying yes or no…or even maybe. I’ll just let this play out and stop censoring myself quite as much.

 

 

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8 Comments

  • Julie

    It’s really interesting how we are ok with reading other people’s work and it not being about sex etc. But think no will want to read what we say if it isn’t about sex.

    I’m struck also about the way in which like you, I often start with one thought as to how a post will go and suddenly it’s gone off elsewhere. Perhaps that’s part of the beauty.

    Great post!

    • Brigit Delaney

      Yeah…exactly!

      And yes…I think letting the writing or idea take the wheel is part of the fun. We aren’t bound, as we are not being paid for it. So we can let it take us where it will.

  • Mrs Fever

    I’m all about un-censoring. I think sometimes we convince ourselves that we “should” censor — in the opposite way ‘regular’ bloggers would — but it’s a bit like only ever consuming one kind of food. I love pizza but it’s not the only thing I ever eat, right?

    And I follow plenty of writers who are “all over the place.” I suppose my blog is a bit all over the place too. *shrug* People will read it anyway — sometimes different people than the norm, which I see as a Good Thing — and I feel more ‘myself’ for the variety.

    As for the question of the “sex readers” not reading the non-sex stuff… Maybe, maybe not. But I read the non-sex stuff on “sex blogs” pretty regularly. I enjoy getting to know people in a more multi-faceted way.

    • Brigit Delaney

      This is my conclusion, too. Sometimes I hold myself to a standard that I don’t hold others to. And it isn’t because anyone else has that expectation of me. I have to check myself.

  • Mark

    You have drawn the right conclusion from your reflections. Just as it is impossible to write about one “pure” sex without touching on anything else, so the description of life without sex will be incomplete. This is an essential part of our life, no matter what anyone says.

    • Brigit Delaney

      I’m glad to hear you say that. While I don’t always let the idea of an audience sway me, I’m cognizant of it, and it’s nice to know that readers will follow me down various rabbit holes…even if it doesn’t lead somewhere sexy.

  • Marie Rebelle

    My blog started out as a place for my erotic fiction, then I added sex stories from our life, and then came a time when I just started writing about life. Yes, I have wondered sometimes about being “discovered” by colleagues or friends, but am way past that. If they find my blog, they went out looking for it. One colleague found my Marie Facebook, and I’m okay with it. I didn’t tell him it’s me, and I don’t know for sure if he knows. As for writing about other stuff, please do. You have a good reader base, and I am sure people will return over and over to read, even if there isn’t a mention of sex in your posts 🙂
    ~ Marie xox

    • Brigit Delaney

      That’s kinda my plan. I’ve often tried to keep myself to a niche…a theme. But why? I mean, it’s a blog…it can be whatever. It’s not like I’m making money from it. It’s just an exploration…a playground for my creativity and reflection.

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