I’ve done a State of the Union post at the beginning of the year before. Just a description of where my sex life and marriage is today…to get the lay of the land, so to speak.
It’s hard to decide where to go next if you aren’t fully aware of where you are now and where you’ve been…and we’ve been a lot of places.
Currently, we’re getting back on the horse, after a long stint of slowly falling apart. I’ve only recently reviewed that, so I won’t rehash it here.
But, we are currently doing okay 👍.
We’ve had sex a few times (instigated from both sides) and have agreed on some basics going forward (namely that Dominance and submission will continue to be a part of our relationship – though what we call it and what that looks like may be different…and that we’ll still pursue to non-monogamous extracurricular activities). A big part of all this is continued communication, so we’ve re-committed to our twice-weekly marriage talks.
I’ve taken ownership of our fizzled D/s and my lack of involvement in our non-monogamous extracurricular activities. I’ve apologized. And I’ve promised to do better. Again.
Call it lunacy, our willingness to keep doing the same thing, expecting different results, but that’s where we’re at.
Our basic sex is good, though. We know each other’s buttons well. So, the sex we’ve had has been healing, especially the one lucky morning without a kid in the house, when we could fuck at full volume (good God, that’s freedom!).
I know we will need to move beyond basics, if we are to truly compromise. That will come with communication and experience.
Our goal is to find a common ground we can both live on, where I step out of my comfort zone from time to time to meet him halfway, but also where he doesn’t feel like he is stifling his sexual desires to the point of unhappiness.
I know it is possible.
So I guess I’d say the current state of our sex life is the state of rebuilding after a storm.
It’s like living on a tiny island that is always ravaged by storms, but being unwilling to move somewhere safer because…dammit…this is home. And when it isn’t storming it’s beautiful and perfect and far away from the rest of the stupid world.
In other news, my list of #whatfeelsgood is growing. I guess my daily gratitude practice needed this small face-lift to redirect my thoughts a bit.
Here’s the beginning of today’s list.
1. Getting a good night’s sleep.
2. Getting up early, knowing I have more time to do the things I want.
3. How I feel after I exercise.
4. Watching a snow storm or rain storm.
5. Listening to the rain on the roof.
6. Sitting in front of the fire.
7. The quiet of morning.
8. When my creative brain is busy and inspired.
9. Reading a good book.
10. Writing a good story or post.
11. A good orgasm.
12. When He explodes inside of me.
13. Making Him cum.
14. Making Him smile.
15. Hearing Him call me good girl or telling me He loves me, or I’m beautiful, or He’s proud of me.
And for good measure…another matched set:
More black. It’s the most common for me. In fact, I made myself throw a few biege sets in my wishlist for the coming months because I’m running out of things to wear under white t-shirts and sheer things. White is just so hard to keep white!
As I’m showing off my matched sets, I’m also cleaning out my lingerie drawer. I’ve thrown out two white sets already, and a few that are simply uncomfortable or don’t fit right or feel good under my clothes.