So we finally talked this morning, to reestablish our ground rules and boundaries.

He began with, tell me what you’re willing to do.

It was one way to start. But I opted to turn it around, in an attempt to keep him from editing his desires to accommodate mine.

What do you want?

We agreed that a D/s foundation is good for us both. He is a better person when he feels his Dominance is strong and respected. It fuels his self-esteem and makes him a happier human.

I DO struggle with submission. Not gonna lie…I’m not a natural submissive, but I AM and always have been the more submissive personality in our relationship.

We promised to up our game when it comes to communication regarding our D/s practices. We need to improve at stopping right away when one or the other of us doesn’t fully enjoy, like, or feel right about something so we can investigate the why’s and how’s of what is happening. And he agreed not to let D/s overpower our sex life. Because while I enjoy a bit of roughness and force and a spanking now and again, I also enjoy sex that is not D/s. I suppose it is a balance game, like anything else. Of course, my promise is to maintain consistency. So, routines will need to be kept (i.e. work boot removal, no-panty Fridays, getting his drinks, serving him first, capitalizing He/Him when I write….beginning now.) Being His submissive is an active way to continually remind myself to prioritize His needs and desires. Not doing this is the exact cause of our problems when they arise.

We also discussed non-monogamy. He has a taste for the *new*. And while, I don’t share this taste to the same level, I’m not opposed to it. I don’t love the search, though. The logistics are difficult for me. I likened it (in our conversation) to eating at a Thai restaurant. I never know what to order, and I usually order wrong. So, looking at a menu is useless for me. He knows my tastes and what I like and is always more successful at ordering something I will enjoy. Swinging is something like that. Unless I am left to my own devices at a buffet table, in person, where I can sample and experiment in an organic way, planning and set-ups are better left to Him. He enjoys the hunt. I do not. I also do not enjoy the build-up or the wait. I tend to overthink things and talk myself out of stuff when I have too much time for reflection. Better to simply be taken along for the ride and presented with opportunities as they arise.

I can be a willing partner.

We’re leaving it at that. No need to overplan or make things bigger or more complicated. These are our two big areas anyway.

D/s is foundational and personal, and while it can and does provide spice and variety, it is more about creating context, boundaries, and stability. Non-monogamy, then, is the icing on the cake. It isn’t necessary, but it allows Him an opportunity for *new* and pushes me to leave my sexual cocoon.


  • Missy

    I think consistency is always really hard to achieve in terms of long term D/s. We definitely have the same issue. Foundations are important though and they do give the sense of routine and of ‘doing it’ which allows your build upon it with new experiences so I see where you are coming from. I am interested to see how your non-monogamy goes with this new approach x

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