I’m the type of person who feeds off the rush I get from being productive. I’m good at planning and setting goals and, at least in my professional life, I’m good at accomplishing what I set out to do.
I am constantly learning and improving.
Last year and this year, I’ve been working on a degree to move into an administrative role. I’m in the internship phase now, with only 2 more classes to go. I’m a 3rd of the way through my portfolio. And then…well: opportunities.
I wish I was as good at this process in my personal life.
The benefit of this is a sense of competency, as well as the respect of my peers. The price is stress.
And in my line of work, it also means taking on the stress and emotional trauma of others. Secondary traumatic stress is a real thing. Today was one of those days. It was emotionally draining, and I had to come home and write my final paper for my current class. I could’ve cared less about it. It was so irrelevant to the reality of what I’m facing every day in the halls of my school that I wanted to send a scathing email of complaint. But I didn’t. Instead, I did the assignment, drank wine, and ate chocolate. And then I cooked dinner.
And now I’m just plain not capable of writing more than this. I can’t even face my own meme tonight. So no FFF for me this week. Instead, more wine, a hot bath, more chocolate, a few chapters in my book, and early bed.
I truly appreciate you listening to me dump all my feels tonight. You are my rock…my safe space, and your support means everything.
Tonight, I just needed someone to listen. Not to solve… but to empathize with how hard it is to work in a field where we see how horrible people can be to innocent kids…how that shapes them…and how we lose some of them because of it.
You get it. Because you work in this world, too.
People can be so shitty.
But in a way, that creates a clear foil for just how lucky I am to have you and to be raising our kid to be kind and good and loyal and loved.
You are a true partner in every sense of the word.
I tell you I love you every day, but I don’t say thank you enough.
So thank you…for being my person.
(I’m 13 words over for my challenge of 140 words for letter 14, but there is simply nothing I feel I can cut here, so I’m leaving it.)