Experience,  Photography

Compliments

#SubmissiveAdvent

I’ve gotten much better at taking compliments over the years…mainly because I’ve become more confident and aware of my strengths and more accepting of my weaknesses.

No one is perfect, but we are all good at something. Out job is to find what that is and capitalize on it.

I may not be thin. My body may be giving in to gravity. But it is strong enough and healthy enough to get me around. And the important people find me attractive.

I’m intelligent and good at my job. It doesn’t mean I don’t always have more to learn…in fact, that is one of my strengths: the capacity to accept professional and creative criticism and use it to improve. I collaborate well. And I’m learning to be a better listener.

I struggle with consistency. I’m often impatient. I overplan and tackle too many things at once, quickly wearing myself down. And then I withdraw.

But I’m always growing, changing, and reaching for better.

I’m a good wife in some ways and a terrible wife in others. But, I’m still here.

Commitment is a strong point for me. So is loyalty. And love. And honesty.

I’m mostly kind.

I genuinely care about what I do.

I already shared this list that I keep on my phone for daily review:

Breathe. It will all be okay.
Focus. Do one thing at a time.
Prioritize. Do less, better.
Restore. You need rest to function well.
Connect. Put people first.

Hydrate, eat well, move, sleep, relax.
Read, write, reflect.
Do fun things.
Love.
Embrace vulnerability (and intimacy).
Stay curious.

These are the things I know I need to work on.

I think the biggest compliment I’ve been given recently is that I seem to have it all figured out…that I always seem so confident and prepared. It was a student, and when I told her that I’m often a hot mess and that I am not even close to having it all figured out, she seemed surprised and relieved. We talked about stress and dealing with frustration and anger. I admitted that I lose my temper, that sometimes I have to cry it out before I can brush myself off and face what I have to do, and that I sometimes suffer from imposter syndrome.

Because, while I’m not always great at being vulnerable in marriage, I am actually quite good at it at work. Because I know that the strongest way to lead is by example.

I’m better at things I feel I can control. It makes me feel safe. So it may seem counterintuitive that I consider myself submissive in my marriage. And that submission makes me feel safe. At work, I love to call the shots. In love, I like to be led.

But even then, I’m not always great at giving up control and letting go. There’s a balance to achieve, and I haven’t quite found it.

I’m rambling tonight. And I need to get out of the bath before I prune any more than I already have. So I’ll leave it here.

#loveletter

I’m skipping again tonight. I had to supervise a school event, and therefore got home late. But…I heard this song this morning and thought of you: God Gave Me You

#UnwrapMe

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7 Comments

  • Tom

    Good morning. I envy you and your writing skills. Your ability to write, spark thoughts, tease, excite and turn on is the reason I come back here. Yes the unwrap photos are arousing, stunning and gets the blood pumping at 4 am. Nice way to start the day. Thank you for that. You seem to take so many words and feelings out of my mind which I cannot find the proper words to express. The confidence at work and the feeling and strength it gives to me only to question myself at home as I struggle in a relationship. I too try to be best/perfect, I pack 10 to do things into a time frame that allows 4 only to end up frustrated. I love to plan adult play time/intimate/erotic evenings only to find it’s a night of news and staying up late alone and frustrated. I will stop there as I can go on. Just wanted to let you know you pull out my thoughts and feelings into your page, I’m not alone, I try my best and I try to be the best husband far from perfect by I try. Thank you for your writings, your honesty and your stunning photos. This reader wants more and is greatful for being along on the ride. Thank you for your help.

  • Marie Rebelle

    You said you were rambling, but I love this post, and I love reading your reflections, and read how you have grown, and the things you do and concentrate on to continue growing and finding that much needed balance.

  • Mary Wood

    I often come across texts in which the authors write about the need to be able to give up control and let go of the situation. But this is a complex process of spiritual work, which is far from always and not everyone succeeds. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t strive for it.

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