Happy Friday! It’s #boobday! And it’s also time to catch up, since I’ve been away a bit this week.
I’m very much a planner,
probably to the point of being neurotic. And I get used to a set of routines to run my day by. When those routines change, it takes me some time to re-orient myself. The anxiety and stress run a bit higher during these times.
This past week or two, I’ve been out of the blogging habit a bit, as I’ve been writing mainly in the mornings, and after the A-Z Challenge, I was a bit spent, as far as writing is concerned.
I also finished a class and started a new one, so finding a stride with the homework expectations and balancing that with my other obligations, takes a bit, too.
Finally, my Husband’s schedule changed. After several years on a M-Th/8-5 schedule, He is now working F-M, which has thrown everybody off a little. The biggest issue, we’ve found, is figuring out when we’re going to have sex and spend time together. Our family actually spends pretty much every evening together, as the teenager isn’t to the age where he’s driving and off with his friends all the time. We eat dinner as a family every night and hang out watching our favorite shows together until bedtime. By the time we finish, I’m usually beat…too tired for sex. We’ve been relying on our weekends for a reconnect. The teenager goes to his grandparents’ on Friday nights, so we had Friday night for date night and Saturday morning when we could have sex when and how we liked (it’s nice to be able to have sex at full volume and not worry about traumatizing a young person).
Morning sex has suddenly become a bit more of a thing, and we are both really going to have to work to initiate early in the evenings. We still have Friday night, but Mr. D has to get up early the next day to go to work, so we can’t get too crazy. This may become a bigger issue when we consider having “a guest” over as some point…
He’s working diligently to connect with play partners. And we’ve been communicating better than ever during this process. The first few couples are still there, waiting in the wings, just simmering until restrictions (and our new schedule) make it possible for us to meet up.
The first woman we really became engaged with in conversation has sort of moved to the back burner. Health issues have made it difficult for her to exert herself. So…
Mr. D introduced me to the next possibility. She’s a trans woman, and conversations have been interesting. She has her own Sir and miss, but some of the conversations we’ve had in chat have shown me that she was hoping Mr. D would be a second dominant. This was not something Mr. D and I have ever discussed, but during chat, she asked me if I’d be willing to have another sub in the mix. I said yes, and, weirdly, I meant it, but as we’d never discussed it, I got my hackles up a bit. I worried that this was something they had talked about before bringing me into the conversation. Since it was late, though, I left it at that, and went to bed, making a mental note to talk with Mr. D about it the next day, to ensure we had a similar view of boundaries and where this thing was going. I then had a bad dream about Mr. D cheating on me with her. It basically was just my subconscious bringing up old fears, as I could see some similarities brewing between this situation and one from long ago that went very far south. Rather than sit on those fears, I immediately talked to Mr. D about them the next day, and found out that He wasn’t interested in being her dominant, and He promised to clear up the misunderstanding, which he did last night. We can still have fun with her, without making things bigger than intended.
There’s a third person that may come into the mix, as well. Someone Mr. D has been with in the past, with my permission, early when He was beginning to explore His bisexual side. Last night, as I lay beside Him, after a good spanking session and a lot of good fucking, He said, “If he comes over, you’ll suck his dick like a good girl, right?” And I told him I’d do whatever He asked me to do.
It’s a huge leap in behavior for me. Very submissive, with only a tinge of the apprehension I’ve had in the past. Normally, at this point, like a turtle, I’d pull all my extremities in and freak out. But I’m not. In fact, I’ve been wildly horny for the past several days…which is also not normal for me, as this is new moon time – when I usually go all ‘meh” about sex.
I actually asked for the spanking I got night before last…and I enjoyed it. His hand, the crop, the flogger. I hate the wooden spoon, but He used it on me anyway, because He can. And the wartenberg wheel, which sends me through the roof – especially right before and right after sex, when my skin is the most alive and sensations are high.
He’s been grabbing hold of His Dom side a lot more lately…and I like it. Without worrying much about my rules (because we’ve been off on maintaining most of these, anyway, for some time), I still know His expectations: that I do what He asks when He asks for it, that I not argue, that I open myself to my inner slut and let her out to play when she wants, and that I keep my damn gas tank full and quit leaving my keys in the door. It’s really as basic as all that. He really just expects that I follow His lead…and trust Him. So I’m doing that…and communicating when I start to feel any negative emotions, so we can immediately work through them.
My submissive positions and postures are mainly metaphorical or representative then. I don’t spend a lot of time on my knees or with my butt up in the air, but when He tells me to present, I do. And when He tells me to roll over so He can whack my ass, I do.
It’s a bit more laid back than I had first thought our D/s would be. But, it’s working for us. I fulfill His expectations (laundry, taking His boots off, not wearing panties on Friday…), and I follow His lead, trusting that He has me, and I do what He says. Easy, right? (I’m laughing, b/c it’s not always that simple…but…)
As a planner and organizer (re: the beginning of this post), I like to have lists of my expectations and calendared events. I like to know what it going to happen. But with Him, I’m not always going to know. He likes spontaneity. And He likes making me uncomfortable from time to time, to stretch me in new ways. It’s not a bad thing either, because it is within discomfort that we find growth.
I’ve also noticed that the hunt has bolstered His need for dominance, as has my active submission. Coming to Him with my needs and wants, partnered with the NRE (new relationship energy) and possibility of novelty and something different in our sex life, has brought out the “Daddy” in Him. And the Daddy in Him brings out the princess in me.
Things are pretty good right now. But if I had three wishes regarding my sex life they would be:
I’ll be able to hold on to this uptick in my libido: It really has a lot to do with our intimate connection and it does a lot to build Him up and help maintain our relationship. When my libido takes a dive (or disappears altogether), our connection slips. Of course, we have other ways of being intimate, but sex really is the touch point…and it’s the thing He needs to feel close to me.
I’ll be able to maintain my openness and willingness, following His lead without fear…trusting His choices and finding pleasure in the new. Since I’m usually not one for change or “different,” experimenting often causes me stress and anxiety. Right now, partially because my libido is high and I’m in a rather horny phase, I’m open to doing some things I might not normally be interested in. I’d like to keep hold of that momentum, staying open to trying new things and being a bit more adventurous and creative in our sex life.
That our play goes well…not only for Him, but for me. I’ve had some less than fulfilling experiences in the past. Nothing bad, but very few have been positive enough to create the desire to continue. I can count those on one hand…maybe two fingers. The more positive experiences I have, the more I will reinforce the desire for them. And that is also a win win. Since this is something He would really like to pursue.
I’ve been initiating a bit more, sexually. And the more I do it, the more I want to do it. It’s sort of like sex in general. The more sex I have, the more sex I want. In fact, the night before last, we had quite a session. And those kinds of nights bring out the “dirty” in me that He wants to see more of. Psych 101…it’s positive reinforcement.
I even asked Him to try fisting me, but His hand is just too big, He managed all four fingers, but it hurt. Three, however, felt divine. And I’ve found that those larger things, bigger dildos and more fingers, are the things that lead me to squirting. I mean, I’m pretty much always messy…but a full-on squirt? It takes something big to do that.
Anyhow, tonight is date night, even though it’s His Monday now. This is the day we have sans kiddo. And since I got a little extra sleep last night (for fuck’s sake, I went to bed at 8:00…guess that’s what I get for staying up late fucking the night before), I should be up for whatever.
Of course, it means I need to prep when I get home…a little shaving, a shower, maybe some sexy lingerie to greet Him at the door…