Experience,  Opinion

Dominance and the Power of Command

I’m on Spring Break right now, which is heavenly. I have absolutely nothing planned, other than catching up on the mountain of laundry in my mudroom, writing, and reading.

Mr. D, is at work, though, and sometimes it’s fun when He intrudes on my R & R.

Like yesterday – He sent me this text…

Send me a picture of your pussy with something in it…preferably something large.

I immediately set to work trying to come up with something creative. I looked around the house…and honestly thought through every option that hit my eye: candles, bottles, decorations of various shapes and sizes. But I knew none of these things would actually fit (I mean….without some major work and probably days of practice), and I didn’t want to fall back on a dildo or sex toy (boring and expected). I did try a beer bottle, after thoroughly washing it, but I couldn’t get past the neck because it was too hard.

And so, I opted to lube up and give my *whole* hand a try.

I sent Him a video of me hand-fucking myself. And He sent me a very well-received “Good girl.”

I love it when He gives me directions. Because, while I might not come up with these ideas well on my own, His prompting pushes me to try new things. That’s the kind of guidance I need as a submissive.

Those little commands put me right into a submissive headspace.

That’s a lot of power, actually. And He wields it with aplomb.

A successful Dominant/Domme knows when (whenever they damn well feel like it) and how to use the power of command. They don’t ask. And they don’t accept any answer but some variation of “yes, sir/ma’am.”

I’ll admit, I’m not always quick to comply. When I’m busy or irritable, I can be grumpy about following directions. But guess what? I still do it. Because His commands don’t really imply a choice, regardless of my mood. After all, He’s the Dominant and I’m the submissive. That’s how this whole thing works: I note my willingness in the beginning, we broker our boundaries, and then (with ongoing communication), He takes the reigns. That puts Him square in the seat of power, and we all know that…

And it does. I mean, sure, a Dom/me can have a lot of fun with their power – but they’ve got the emotions, growth, and desires of another person in their hands. That can be stressful, especially when the Dom/me and sub are in a long-term relationship, like a marriage, that goes beyond the Dom/sub connection.

It calls for a lot of “reading between the lines” and careful analysis of body language. This isn’t a really flattering way to explain it, but it works:

It’s like a master and their dog. Dogs get ornery sometimes, right? They test their masters early on (and maybe occasionally throughout). A master can handle that a few different ways. They can fear it, and then the dog takes control – which is bad for everyone: masterless dogs are nervous and unpredictable, because they seek and thrive under a loving and disciplined hand. Dogs feel safe and calm when there is order in their world.

Some masters, either out of fear or meanness, use harsh punishment out of turn to try and control the dog. This makes the dog, similar to the master, either afraid or mean.

But a good master knows how to command, when to praise/reward, and when to punish. It creates balance for both the master and the dog. And balance leads to positive feelings of regard and a sense of well-being for everyone involved. The dog knows its place…and it is happy there.

Maybe this is simplistic, and I’m sure it doesn’t apply to everyone’s vision of D/s. But for me, while I may bristle a bit knowing I am analogizing myself as a dog, it’s very much the way I see D/s in my own life. A confident leader leads to calm and happiness. And my Husband is a confident leader. I feel safe, protected, and cared for.

And so, even when I don’t want to *fetch that fucking ball again*, I will, because He wants me to, and I love Him, and I like to make Him happy.

And I really like to hear, “Who’s a good girl?”
“I am.”
“Yes…yes, you are….”

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  • Mike

    That’s funny. I send similar messages to my wife during the day. She works, but I know there is a private, one person restroom near her workspace. I tell her to send me a picture or video of some kind. Sometimes she will protest, I ignore her or tell her something like, “You’re a smart girl, figure it out”. Sometimes she says nothing until I get what I asked for, but she will always do it. I do read her day and level of stress from work. But, when the time is right, I give her a task and she seems to love it. Not all the time, but just enough to throw her off sometimes and keep things interesting.

  • Marie Rebelle

    I remember the days Master T would ignore me getting grumpy when I got directions, and it’s because he is the Dominant, and I the submissive, that he ignored that and I did what was expected of me. I miss those days, and hope they will return. In the meantime, I love reading your experiences 🙂
    ~ Marie xox

  • Missy

    I do know what you mean by this and it works well for me too. I think the issue is HL being consistently in a headspace where he does this. He tends to slip out and then I find it less easy to comply because i have settled into my own terms. Missy x

    • Brigit Delaney

      I totally get that. When He isn’t on that place, things do start to unravel for us. I need Him to be there, but being there all the time is hard for anyone. It’s a lot of pressure, even for someone who is naturally a Dominant personality.

  • Lisa Stone

    Creative person. You did not fulfill the banality that first came to your mind, but began to look for a non-standard solution. Even if it took more time to implement it. Good girl 🙂

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