I do not use my mouth in the ways I often should…or as effectively.
Though I run it incessantly (communicating with others is a large part of my job), I rarely find the words to speak my needs or wants, and I tend to shy away from saying I love you to the people who probably need to hear it most (aside from my Husband and son – I tell them every day).
I use my fingers instead.
The language in which I prefer to receive love isn’t the same language that I speak it. My native tongue is the written word. It always has been. I can find my voice with a pen and paper, or a keyboard and a glowing screen. I have time to think, consider, see my thoughts as they float across the page…amend, revise, cut, and shape, until my words manage to actually convey a semblance of what my brain is thinking and my heart is feeling.
My mouth has no trouble shaping my knowledge into vast quantities of words to share at work and with friends. Light banter, jokes, how’s the weather and debriefing our day. But, when I am asked to answer a difficult personal question, or formulate a vulnerable feeling into phrases and sentences and whole paragraphs…my mouth goes dry. My lips twist and bend and curl, my tongue licking them nervously.
I crave time and distance and space to blossom my convoluted ideas into something that will make sense to someone else.
I don’t like being misunderstood. So I spend a lot of time worrying about clarity and making sure that others understand what I mean to say. And if I don’t feel that is possible, I’m likely to say nothing…to resist, refrain, recede.
But there are many ways that I do use my mouth that don’t require words or thought and rarely lead to any sort of misunderstanding.
Ironically, it is when I use my mouth without words (at least with my Husband) that I am most likely to be understood. The clarity of my needs and wants comes through just fine, when I run my lips against His bicep, snuggling up against Him while we watch TV. And when I hold His cock between them, my mouth a warm pocket to hold Him, my tongue exploring His skin. The soft moans and squeals and non-linguistic sounds tell a much clearer narrative of my feelings than my words probably ever could. And thankfully, He understands.
Likewise, when His mouth is on me, doing the magic that it does, or when our mouths find each other, we share a complex combination of chemicals and micro-organisms…the true chemical essence of who we are. When we kiss, we trade genetic information, and we learn more about each other in an instant than we ever could consciously…and definitely more than we could ever compose in syllables.
The alphabets of our souls are not bound by letters. And maybe that’s why I need so much time and space to compose my thoughts. I’m having to translate an internal world that cannot fully be translated. Sometimes there are just no words for what I feel.
But there are always ways to show it through touch. A look.
The body has its ways of communicating the most complex of feelings and emotions and needs and desires. We have been fully equipped with the ability to speak volumes with saying a word.
I was a bit late to the game on this prompt, so I missed the link-up. It took me a while – ha ha – to find the words. But I want to give credit where credit is due…