Sex Therapy Update

So I feel like we are finally moving past the introductory-style meetings with our therapist, where discussing history, communication, dynamics, etc. is the focus, and we are getting to the point where our sex life is taking the front seat.

That’s not to say that there hasn’t been an undercurrent of that all along. It’s the reason we went to him. But our “homework” for our next session is the last of the work to be assigned from Gottman’s 7 Principals for Making Marriage Work.

From the assignments in this book, we’ve pretty much solidified that our friendship and partnership are not the problem (which we already knew, but it’s important for a therapist to realize this is really the case, as well). We do have some baggage that tends to crop up and rear its ugly head, and it does affect how we perceive things from time to time. But, we don’t fight like we used to. We’re much better about rationally discussing things and waiting for better times to talk. And we’re a long way from divorce.

Both of us have stopped drinking (him completely, me…mostly). That makes a huge difference for us in the evening, since that is when most of our arguments/confrontations begin.

By our next session, at the beginning of February, I will also have my testosterone level results, and I will have been on the progesterone/estrogen for several weeks.

And we’ve just received our first shipment of The Fantasy Box…so I’m looking forward to trying that out! I opened it as soon as we got it, but we aren’t allowed to dig in to it until we’ve read the instructions and have a period of time to follow them. So…we’ll have to wait until the kiddo is out of our way. And while I’d gladly do an unboxing, part of the fun of a box like this is the surprise, and I wouldn’t want to ruin that for anyone. I’ll let you know what we think after we work our way through it, though.

I think the biggest things for us right now are getting ourselves on the same page (or as close as we can) with sex drive, getting our power dynamic back on track, and seeking some ways to add some spice and adventure back into our marriage.

That’s hard, but not impossible, with the lockdown restrictions. But, it sure does seem like there is a bit of hope reigning on the horizon in that regard. Soon, we might be able to throw a bit a swinging into the mix, meeting up with and having fun with some open-minded folks who have fewer boundaries than our vanilla friends. It will also present us with more options for just us…the ability to go out to dinner, listen to live music and dance, travel places, take a class together.

But, overall, things are much better for us right now.

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    • Brigit Delaney

      I will definitely share, once we get a chance to use it. With a 3 day weekend this weekend, I’m sure we will have a chance to dive in.

  • Dr. Dawn

    Thanks! It’s also interesting that in therapy, people also learn to cope with symptoms that may not respond to treatment right away. Research shows that therapy teaches people skills to address symptoms on their own. Stay healthy! 🙂

    • Brigit Delaney

      This is exactly what we are doing…learning to address the fantasy part of our sex life, which seems to be a part of our issue. Since He desires more novelty and adventure and I desire more D/s. Meeting those needs makes us both more sexually content, and then we have fewer problems elsewhere in our relationship.

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