I do so love a tracking app! It really puts things in perspective to see things as numbers and visuals, rather than relying on my own interpretation of things, which is sometimes woefully off the mark from reality. My memory is terrible, and when I add emotion to the mix, well… Keeping track of my sex life in a purely scientific way is useful, because it helps me see it as “just the facts,” which cannot be refuted.
I was taking a quick peek at my Sex Diary (the app I use is called Sex Life) stats for January (not so great this month), and then I swiped the arrow to see all of 2020, something I hadn’t done until today, mostly because I hadn’t realized I’d been using the app that long. How satisfying to have a whole years’ worth of results to analyze.
(The bottom numbers are 37 orgasms and 0% protection.)
We had a rough summer. Those post-Covid outbreak months were rather depressing, and my Husband sustained an injury in August that had him laid up for 3 months.
We started seeing a sex therapist at the end of October, and you can see the instant rise in activity after.
We had about 3 months off of sex in 2020…a serious slump for us, even in the worst of times. But then last year was a dumpster fire all around.
Here’s hoping that this year’s stats improve in some way. I’m certainly not putting pressure on it. Tracking it really just keeps me aware and helps me to see when things need to change in some way.
This month has also not been great. Interestingly, it hasn’t been me this time (it usually is). Both of us have hormone issues, and His have quite likely been a bit off recently.
I’ve also noticed that there is usually little to no sexual activity during new moon weeks, and a spike during full moon weeks. Likely, this is a sign of my cycle.
Keeping track doesn’t add pressure. It just helps me to stay aware and keeps things on my radar: When was the last time I initiated? Is He doing all the work? Are we off? Have I lost touch with myself, literally speaking?
And when we have a good week or month, it’s cause for celebration and reflection. What made it great? What was working? How can we do more of that?
It’s all about awareness, I guess.
When we were first together, I didn’t need to worry about all of this. Our hormones were racing and things were new and exciting and delicious.
They are still delicious. But, our lives are much more complicated by responsibility. And we are getting older. Our bodies and minds seek comfort…and complacency is always lurking in the shadows.
Long-term relationships take care and work and commitment. And for me, awareness is a big part of that.
Stats tell a story. Not the whole the story, but a part. Memory fills in the spaces between the bars and lines and numbers, heart lends emotion, and mind offers logic. Together, in reflection, it all comes together to create a picture of something. In this case, my sex life, which is a much more dynamic thing than these two images present. But it’s a good place to begin asking questions and seeking answers. It’s the skeleton of a story that I must flesh out with my own thoughts and keep writing with actions based on what I have learned from the numbers I have collected.
And it’s always a work in progress.