Lillith Avir’s No True Way’s most recent prompt struck a chord with me, and I’ve been carrying it around in my brain for the past several days, letting it roll it around and smooth its edges like a river rock.
The quote she refers to in her prompts is “Real D/s dynamics are 24/7.” I’m assuming this to mean that “D/s dynamics are only real when they are 24/7,” and “Real D/s dynamics are always 24/7.”
Basically, all of that is crap.
Real is what you say is real, when it comes to your relationship, and finite terminology like always, never, and only are simply dangerous in any circumstance. Your relationship is yours to define. And that means your dynamic is yours to define.
I just started reading Joshua Tenpenny’s Real Service. Here’s a short excerpt that relates to Lillith’s current topic:
Some people have so much enthusiasm for their fantasies, or find in them such deep expression of their core self, that they choose to make space in their lives for their favored roles on a day-to-day basis. When people in the scene say that “24/7” M/s relationships aren’t possible, or aren’t practical, or never work in the real world, they are thinking about doing this kind of role-play all the time.
Now, for Mr. D and myself, we use the term 24/7 D/s only because our way of being is always infused with our power dynamic. We live with traditional gender roles (for the most part). He is the head of the family and makes a majority of decisions for the family. He’s is the protector and last word on most issues. I respect Him as such, and have chosen for Him to inhabit this role, just as much as He has risen to it. It is how we are both most comfortable. He is almost always dominant, and I am almost always submissive to His will. This does not mean that we are always in “scene” or “play” mode. In fact, we actually rarely engage in D/s sexual role-play. There are occasional spankings, hair-pulling, restraint, etc., but our power dynamic is more about who we are as people and how we engage with and for each other, regardless of sex.
But that’s just us, and I would never try to label someone else’s relationship or argue that the labels they have chosen are wrong.