I fell behind a bit when The Submissive Advent Calendar, but I’ve written down a few I skipped so that I could come back to them at a later time. This one in particular keeps niggling my brain:

When are you most aware of being owned/submissive?

At first, I wasn’t really sure, but these past few weeks, Mr. D has slowly been stepping back into his Dominant role, and both of us have wordlessly been reaching out to one another through little D/s actions. This is how I realized there are definitely a few things that immediately put me in a submissive headspace. All of them are simple, and yet all of them are so damn deeply complex and have taken us years to get just right. All of these are easy things to add to a relationship, but none of them will work if the underlying connection isn’t what it needs to be for both people to truly feel their place when the actions are taken.

The Gaze

There is a look that he gives me, when his blue eyes turn dark and the pupils take over. It is both hungry and commanding. A look that says, I am and You will all at once. Sometimes the gaze comes from across a room, a silent reminder of where we both stand. Other times, it precedes a command. And still others, it is a part of some other D/s action. When he gives me the look, I am overwhelmed by the size of him, as if he has risen to an impossible height. And I feel small and at his mercy.

The Grip

When he grabs me, wraps his hand around my throat, gropes and fondles, or when he slips his hand around the back of my head, fingers looping through the hair at the base of my neck, and grips…pulls…I am pretty much undone. The sheer strength of his hold. It is so different from a “normal” touch, hungrier and more insistent. Much like the gaze, it is a silent reminder that This is mine…all of this…is mine. And while I sometimes complain or squeak or try to wriggle free, I know my actions are futile.

Restraint

This is similar to the grip. When I am held down, my arms above my head, wrists immobile, or when I am tied in some way, I am at his mercy, to be done to or used as he pleases.

Spanking

This one probably goes without saying, but when he spanks me, I definitely am reminded of my place. Sometimes he does it without warning, shocking me in to the realization…other times, the spankings are deliberate and methodical, intended to free me from myself. My preference is his hand, because I find the contact so much more intimate.

Words

Admonishments, praise, dirty talk during sexual play…a well-placed “good girl,” or a “you like that, don’t you” can send me over the edge.


In my opinion, creating and maintaining a D/s relationship is something like learning an instrument. Some people are more “inclined,” though anyone can learn. And those who do, must acquire an ear and a feel for what works. They must practice constantly, strive to learn and grow and improve, learn new skills and techniques. And they must truly enjoy it.

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