“The paradox is that the needs of the master are not, in fact, superior to the needs of the submissive. Rather, they share equal importance.” – Kacie Cunningham
All humans have basic needs: sustenance, rest, shelter, love and belonging. And most of us have needs for things like entertainment, purposeful work, and community.
But each of us has specific needs. And within us, each of our parts has needs. For example, I have needs as a wife, as a mother, and as a friend. All of these needs are different…and some even contradict the needs of others parts.
As a submissive, my needs are as follows:
1. I need to feel valued, loved, protected, and adored…maybe even a bit spoiled.
2. I need to be controlled softly…not with a harsh hand or through punishment or denial..
3. I need to be reminded of my submission on a regular basis, through the actions and words my Dominant.
4. I need to be put into subspace by an outside action or force.
5. Aftercare is essential.
Every side of my personality has its separate needs, desires, and goals. And every part of me adds to the whole. When at least some of the needs of every part are met, I feel more stable, happy, and energized. When one or more parts are ignored, denied, or left wanting too much for too long…that is when I fall apart.
So knowing my parts, and what they need, is essential to my mental health. And I think it is important that the right people be aware of our needs…because we are worthy and deserve to have them be met.
Likewise, we must be aware of the needs of the important people in our lives, and do our best to meet their needs, as well.
Active submission: My plan today is to ask this question of my husband…”What do you need as a dominant?”
It’s not as if I don’t already have some clue. But we are ever-changing beings. Our needs and desires change over time, and sometimes, when we ask, we are surprised by the responses others provide us.