My EJC Responses

Submissives have needs, too

“The paradox is that the needs of the master are not, in fact, superior to the needs of the submissive. Rather, they share equal importance.” – Kacie Cunningham

All humans have basic needs: sustenance, rest, shelter, love and belonging. And most of us have needs for things like entertainment, purposeful work, and community.

But each of us has specific needs. And within us, each of our parts has needs. For example, I have needs as a wife, as a mother, and as a friend. All of these needs are different…and some even contradict the needs of others parts.

As a submissive, my needs are as follows:

1. I need to feel valued, loved, protected, and adored…maybe even a bit spoiled.

2. I need to be controlled softly…not with a harsh hand or through punishment or denial..

3. I need to be reminded of my submission on a regular basis, through the actions and words my Dominant.

4. I need to be put into subspace by an outside action or force.

5. Aftercare is essential.

Every side of my personality has its separate needs, desires, and goals. And every part of me adds to the whole. When at least some of the needs of every part are met, I feel more stable, happy, and energized. When one or more parts are ignored, denied, or left wanting too much for too long…that is when I fall apart.

So knowing my parts, and what they need, is essential to my mental health. And I think it is important that the right people be aware of our needs…because we are worthy and deserve to have them be met.

Likewise, we must be aware of the needs of the important people in our lives, and do our best to meet their needs, as well.

Active submission: My plan today is to ask this question of my husband…”What do you need as a dominant?”

It’s not as if I don’t already have some clue. But we are ever-changing beings. Our needs and desires change over time, and sometimes, when we ask, we are surprised by the responses others provide us.


(Visited 29 times, 1 visits today)

Let's Keep in Touch!

I don’t spam! Read this privacy policy for more info.


  • MrsK

    I’ve used this pyramid chart in so many of my instructions across numerous industries over the years and never once thought of it in my submission. Thanks for giving me some enlightenment 🙂

    • Brigit Delaney

      I know…I use it all the time, too. But in education. I actually hadn’t thought about it either, until I was looking for an appropriate image for this post, and it just made sense!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Are you 18 or older? This website contains material that is not suitable for readers under the age of 18. Please verify your age to view the content, or click "Exit" to leave. Content Warning: If you are sensitive to content referring to dominance and submission, please proceed with caution.
%d bloggers like this: