Part of reclaiming my submission is falling back into place within our relationship. That means some changes that I’m used to and some changes I’ve never been good at.
Thankfully, His main love language is Acts of Service, because I honestly believe that this is the type of submission I do best. Serving Him first at dinner, pulling off His boots at night, keeping my body ready for Him, keeping the house and my own appearance nice, running His errands without complaint, making sure He always has clean jeans and underwear, getting His drinks in the evening and at parties. I’m fairly good at attending to His needs and making sure He is taken care of.
But I don’t have to be terribly vulnerable to do it, and that is probably why.
This is actually where it all started, and it’s really what I originally thought all submission was. This is certainly the type of submission most commonly written about in novels and shown in films, so I’d argue it’s likely the type that draws most people to D/s in the first place.
I am definitely more sexually submissive. I like to be told what to do. I like Him on charge and in control. Holding me down, tying me up, spanking me.
We all have our likes, dislikes, and limits when it comes to sex, but sexual submission is mainly about one person being in control and the other doing what is they are supposed to, either by command or by silent expectation.
This is the type of submission that involves most BDSM. Though not all BDSM has to involve sex, most participants gain some sort of sexual satisfaction/gratification from it.
Forced Coaxed Submission
While forced submission is a thing, and a consensual thing agreed upon by all parties, I’m not much for being pushed in to anything most of the time. There is such a fine line, and while there are times I’m in the mood to be roughed up a bit, held down, and taken “against my will” (I’ll be honest, I’ve even had a few rape fantasies), I don’t really like to be forced unless I’m the one who invites it. He’s not a really forceful kind of guy, either, though there are times when He likes to lord His power over me, to remind me that He can if He wants, brute force is a strategy in His Dom toolbox that He only brings out on rare occasion.
I’m more of the “coaxed” submission type. If He wants me to do something He knows will make me uncomfortable (which basically includes anything new or unplanned – because I’m that kind of person…who hates surprises and any type of change), planting small seeds beforehand and drawing me out slowly like a feral cat is really a much more successful way to get me to do things He wants me to do. It’s an art form that involves a lot of patience, I realize, but it provides much more successful results than brute force when I’m not ready for something. Nobody likes a resentful, pouting sub, and that is exactly what forcing me to do things I don’t want to do will lead to. It’s no good for anyone.
When you live it day in and day out, your level of D/s and dedication to it can wax and wane with life’s other demands. The idea is that you know who you are, what you want, and why you want it, so you can always return.
Our marriage and friendship come first. D/s is just a blanket we cover ourselves with to keep us warm. It is not absolutely necessary, but it seems to bring out the better qualities in us both and focuses our connection with each other in a way that builds Him up and provides me with an essence of freedom.
There are many types of submissive. To read more about that, CLICK HERE.