30 Dirty Questions,  EROBLOPOMO,  Opinion

What are your thoughts on PDA/kink in public?

I’m of two minds on this topic, moreso one than the other…so I’ll start with that one:

I’ve never been one for affection in public. Not only does it make me uncomfortable to engage in it, but it also makes me uncomfortable to see it. I’m not talking little kisses and hugs…more like couples who make out and feel each other up on park benches, people who bring their kinks into public, and especially those people who feel it is their right to force their physicality on others.

I believe my physical relationships are private, and I don’t like doing physical or sexual things in front of others (unless that is the name of the game – like at a club or something, where everyone involved knows what’s up and is okay with being a part of it, even if just as a spectator).

Because the name of the game here is CONSENT. If I have not consented to watching you grope your partner in public, I should not have to witness it…and my child should surely not have to. I get that it’s a free country and all, but there is such a thing as going too far. And if I can’t comfortably explain what is happening to a child, then the behavior is likely not suited for public.

Some might say, “If you don’t want to see it, then don’t look.” But, I’d argue, that’s on par with saying, “If you don’t want to breathe my second-hand smoke, then hold your breath.”


I get that risking exposure can be super sexy fun, and the possibility of being caught doing physical or kinky things in public can be an enticing turn on. I’ve read plenty of fabulously hot stories about a Dominant requiring a sub to doing something in public (like wear a leash and walk on their hands and knees or dress in a very revealing way – even going so far as being nude in public). The idea is the stuff of fantasies, and I guess if you can pull it off without getting caught, it would be fine. But, I’d hate to be the one who bared my breasts when someone’s 8-year-old rounded the corner and caught me with my husband’s cock in my hand.

“Public indecency” is a thing for a reason.

So, I’d suggest keeping the kink indoors, or at least confining it to kink-friendly venues. And for run-of-the-mill PDA? Just keep it PG.

I chose this question for today specifically so I could also link up to Lillith Avair’s No True Way meme. Her topic was the same for this week (no intention of stepping on toes…I just wanted to make it easy for myself and others to link up to more than one meme and “kill two birds with one stone,” so to speak.)

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  • Jenna

    I agree with the idea of comparing what is ok in public with what is ok for a child to see.
    Most children would see their parents show some forms of affection like kissing or holding hands.
    So generally I think they are fine in public. But if for example Ben and I were with a friend who is single, we would take them into consideration and hold off from PDA. But once we are in a group with other couples, then the PDA is natural.

    When it comes to other kinks – I question the motives of anyone who would want to do something in public that they know is going to upset some people. To me intimate physical acts between two people, no matter where they are on the kink spectrum should have some sort of mental/emotional/spiritual connection to them. But I don’t think that is always the case (for a variety of reasons). But I don’t understand a couple wanting to thrust an unwanted performance in front of an audience that could be made up of children, older people who grew up in a different culture sexually to us, people of many other cultures. I think it would be purely selfish for people to thrust anything outside of what it is ok for a child to see in front of others.

  • Lilly

    As I was reading your post, I had a thought. You bring the example of one person groping their partner in public. That is something one often sees. And it makes very uncomfortable, especially when it’s in a very direct way. The image that I have is that of a man groping his girlfriend/wife/date. And every time I wonder how she must not like it. I assumed there was no consent. But maybe there is.

    Anyhow. Thank you so much.
    And there were no toes stepped on.

    • Brigit Delaney

      And the lack of consent for those who had to view it…that’s the thing. I think often people are very wrapped up in their personal right to be or do something, without thinking about how it affects the world around them. We have rights. But we do not have the right to step on the rights of others in the process. And that is a conversation that gets a lot of people super fired up…on both sides.

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