And the first session was actually surprisingly good. I’ll be honest, after 4 crummy marriage counselors who just didn’t get us, it was refreshing to have one who had no trouble focusing on our problem, rather than “attachment issues.” We are plenty “attached.” But we do have issues with trust, resentment, communication, libido, and intimacy. And this guy grabbed those things right away in our individual sessions with some very pointed questions.
He then used our joint session to craft a plan of attack.
As a type A girl who loves lists and productivity, I was happy to leave with a collection of things to do over the two weeks until our next session.
He asked us to buy two books and read the first 5 chapters of the second, take a few quizzes about anxiety and depression, and do the mood logging described in the book:
The 7 Principles of for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman
The Feeling Good Handbook by David D. Burns
He referred me to a specialist to discuss hormones and medications, and asked me to make an appointment ASAP.
He encouraged me to experiment with particular strains of marijuana to improve libido.
He asked us to sign up for a class together…something fun we could learn together.
He suggested The Fantasy Box.
He encouraged us to begin treating each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, rather than husband and wife, focusing on pleasing each other more, dating, and romance.
He told us to have sex. Duh.
He wanted us both to stop drinking.
And he told me to workout.
Quite a list! But we left feeling hopeful and motivated. He’s a nationally acclaimed sex therapist, and we walked away feeling like we were in good hands.
As soon as I got in the truck, I ordered the books (they aren’t here yet). Within days, I’d purchased a few different types of pot, we ordered the fantasy box, tried to find a class (nothing was available in our small town, what with Covid and all…and we couldn’t find anything we loved online), I made an appointment with the specialist (can’t get in until January), I determined to stop drinking, except when we go out, and we’ve had sex 4 times. Good sex. Really good sex.
I’d say we are pretty decent pupils! I know we have a lot of work to do, but we are all in, and this time I think we have a much better guide.
We go back next week, so I’ll keep you updated.
congrats i hope it stays positive and only gets better
I like all the advice he gave you! 💙
I am so happy to read you have taken this step, and hope it brings you everything you both want. I look forward to read more about your progress 🙂
~ Marie
I’m glad, too, Marie. It is definitely expensive, but the guy doesn’t fuck around. Not a minute of our time is wasted in those meetings.
Good advice and smart people for taking it. I hope this turns things around for you two.