30 Dirty Questions,  EROBLOPOMO

Love Languages and Sex

It’s been awhile since I took the Love Languages quiz, so I retook it for this post, and found that my results have changed a bit over the past few years. The last time I took this quiz, my top result was “Quality Time,” but probably due to experience, it has shifted to “Acts of Service.” (Which is kind of funny, since I’m supposed to be the submissive in this relationship.)

Here’s what the site had to say about this particular result:

“Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.”

It makes sense that it has changed, because this is the thing that has brought me the most grief over the past months. It’s the button he knows to push when he wants to piss me off. Stop helping. Sit on the couch. Do nothing. That will really piss her off.

Actually, I’m pretty sure he hasn’t been doing it consciously. But we’re connected enough, subconsciously, to just “know” how to get at each other. Obviously, once he broke his foot, it wasn’t really his fault, but it did add pressure on me to do everything (and then some) around the house…which created more stress…which absolutely murdered my libido and topped off my “resentment cocktail.”

Anyhow, here are my current results:

30% Acts of Service
20% Quality Time
20% Physical Touch
17% Words of Affirmation
13% Receiving Gifts

How do these related directly to my sexuality?

Acts of service – When I’m less stressed, I’m more apt to feel it. Having his help around the house lightens my load and makes me feel important. Feeling important, makes me feel loved. And feeling loved leads to more positive sexual feelings. So, yes…when he does stuff he is supposed to do, I appreciate it. And when he does more than he is supposed to do, I feel it. But, acts of service go beyond chores and obligations. I enjoy acts of service in bed, too. Massages, oral sex, having things done to me, being the center of his sexual attention.

Quality time – I love being with him. And it doesn’t have to be anything fancy…though dates and romance are at the top of my list for reviving our sex life. I like it when he goes above and beyond and plans something different. Time alone is imperative to keeping our sex life alive, and that has been pretty difficult since the pandemic began.

Physical touch – I rated higher on this language this time around, but it doesn’t really surprise me. Touch is definitely my central sense. I love being touched…hand-holding, hugging, cuddling. Those things make me feel connected. And, they bring me closer to him, which means I can smell him. And that is my second most important sense, especially when it comes to sex. His scent.

Receiving gifts – I won’t lie, I do love a gift from time to time. Especially those that come from the heart and don’t cost a lot. They don’t necessarily turn me on, but they make me feel important and loved, and when they only happen from time to time, they make my day special, causing my thoughts to remain on him long after the gift has been given. These gifts can be as small as a note, or a coffee brought to work, or a flower plucked from a field.

Words of affirmation – I like to hear that he is proud of me for something I have accomplished, or when he thanks me for all of the work I do around the house…or even better, when he calls me “good girl.” That one really gets to me at a primal level.

So what’s your top love language?
Take the quiz here.

Related post:
Love Languages in D/S

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  • Jenna

    The first night I met Simon, he told me about the five languages of love. I was fascinated.
    I just took the quiz…and I realized at the end that it is about I like to receive love, because strangely I show love in different ways.

    • Brigit Delaney

      I think how we show love and how we like to be loved can be different. I often show love the same way I like to be loved, which doesn’t work for him, and tends to make him think I’m being a selfish lover, when really I’m just off course, not keeping his love language in mind. That is where it’s at…loving someone the way they need to be loved, and being loved the way we need to be loved. 💘

  • slave sindee

    Thanks Brigit i have heard about this for may years. i took this and thee were my scores:
    13% Acts of Service
    30% Quality Time
    37% Physical Touch
    20% Words of Affirmation
    0% Receiving Gifts
    Not surprised because i am a cuddler.. Something my ex didn’t really care for. She was into gifts and act of service. As a sub i served but She moved on any way. Thanks for sharing

    • Brigit Delaney

      It is important to know these things about ourselves…but even more important to know them about our loved ones, I think. We have to know how best to love them. I have noticed things change over time, too. So retaking the quiz every few years might be smart.

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