There are a lot of great quotes and poems out there about the positives surrounding the dark. It is the only time we can see the stars, for example. The winter clears the branches and let’s the light in.
Darkness appears to be necessary in many ways, even though it often gets a bad reputation for being negative and destructive.
I live much of my life in the dark, both literally and metaphorically, but I also, therefore, spend a lot of time emerging…waking up…and learning from the dreams that only make themselves known when my eyes are closed.
In the dark, blindfolded by my own ignorance, I search for light switches that are not there, but honestly even if I found them, I’d still have to remove my own blindfold to see. Much of my darkness is self-imposed…and it is that darkness I must deal with now…so I can see the stars and the moon and all the deep shades of black and gray and blue that exist even when there is no sun.
Even in the dark, blindfolded, I can feel him there. But if I unncover and open my eyes, I can see the trace outline of his face, the glow of moonlight igniting the white in his beard and sideburns, the soft nightlight of his skin guiding me.
Last night, he told me he’d been back on his medication (testosterone) for 3 days. He had decided to let himself feel again. To want.
In bed, his words made it clear that he is ready.
“…I want to lick you, your breasts, your clit, your asshole…because it makes you uncomfortable enough to squirm…but deep down, I know you like it, because you come every time I do it…”
There were other things said, but what is most important is we were wrapped together and talking about desire, rather than distant and hurting and accusing one another for our pain.
It was still dark…but in the dark, we could see. We could just barely see the outline of each other’s bodies…
We could just barely see the path back to each other.
Now we just need to take it.