We’ve been sort of a mess. And I’m not sure what triggered it, really. I’d like to blame the lockdown, and honestly, that is probably a big part of it. Like the first domino, it’s the likely the catalyst that set the rest of the things falling.

March 13 – The world around these parts stopped turning.

March 16 – I had to completely shift my career from one that happens mainly in person to one that could only occur online. It meant hours of planning and prepping and creating.

And that caused the stress. And the mania…and the inevitable crash.

Which probably sent my already fragile libido into hibernation.

We had sex every weekend in March, and I was masturbating fairly regularly. By the second week in April, after the mania began to wane and my energy started to run out, I hit a wall. Sex stopped and self-service started to fall by the wayside, as well. We went three weeks without sex, and just when it seemed like my desire for it might return, it all took a turn for the worse. Another four weeks when by without any sexual activity at all. Just dead-space in the land of nooky.

It’s super hard on Mr. D, as that is how he connects with me. So when our sex life is on the rocks, so is his mental, emotional, and physical well-being.

I started doing a bit of research, looking for every way possible to bring back the spark.

Stress

Stress is a huge libido killer for me (and a lot of other people). I’m not one of those people who seek release between the sheets – though that would certainly be more helpful, as I’m pretty much an anxious ball of exposed nerves most of the time. I know there are things I can do to decrease my stress, so I’m working on that: reworking my schedule to include down-time, self-care, fun, etc.; exercising; eating well, hydrating, and getting enough sleep.

Schedule 

I’m a time-blocker, and sometimes I have to refresh my routine to shake things up and add a bit of flavor so I don’t get bored. Other times, I need to re-evaluate my priorities and re-work things to make sure I put more emphasis on things that matter (when work and chores and errands start taking over my calendar). So, I did that. I took stock of what things HAD to happen each day, put boundaries on my time (from work – which is tougher now that work has followed me home and I am now “accessible” pretty much around the clock), and made sure to prioritize things that help me to stay sane and happy. I still have a pretty full schedule (very little white space on weekdays), but I’ve forced some necessary things into my day.

Yoga/Exercise

I’ll be honest…I hate exercising. But, I know I need to do it to lose weight, have extended energy, and feel good (physically, emotionally, and mentally). So, I’ve scheduled time to do both exercise and yoga each day. It means I have to get up earlier, and I have to move meetings and work to accommodate, but I think it’s worth it. To motivate myself and hold myself accountable, I’ve joined Noom and have signed up to do Fern’s 12-week Workout Challenge. We’ll see if it makes a difference. I’m currently the heaviest I’ve ever been, and I’m far from happy about it…sooo….

Health

I’ve set goals for myself in the areas of exercise, sleep, water intake, and nutrition. I’ve also started taking a few supplements (Rae’s In the Mood blend and Apothekary’s Take Me Higher set). I’m not sure if they’ll work, but I’m hoping with the combination of everything, I’ll manage to stabilize…or better yet…IMPROVE.

That’s where I am for now.

Constant adjustments.

Mental health can be hard to manage in the best of times…at times like this, well…we do the best we can.

6 Replies to “The truth is…”

  1. In the past two months I have been battling with my mental health, and also with my libido. Now I am in the ‘lucky’ position that my husband’s libido is also low, so no problems there, but the frequent panic attacks are really tiring, and worrying too. Like you I am trying to break things into different sections and add a lot of self care to those sections. We will get there, Brigit, both of us. Sending you lots of love and strength.
    ~ Marie xox

    1. This is a weird time, for sure. I’m already an anxious, emotional person, but this has really fucked with my sense of well-being. The world seems a mess right now…but you are right, Marie…we will get through this. I try to focus on the things that really matter, and try very hard to let the rest go.

  2. sadly I think your story is the hidden truth of many right now. The idea of being stuck with your partner available 24/7 is far from the reality. for social creatures that thrive on multiple contacts a day suddenly being isolated from the world it causes great stress and that causes a crash. Thank you for sharing this

    1. I feel for those who are isolated AWAY from their partners, too. We are all living in less than ideal circumstances.

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