Blogging & Writing,  Experience

Stories Matter

I’ve been blogging for alotta years.

I started back in 2007 with a simple blogger site where I wrote poems and rambled on about daily happenings. I was a new mom, struggling with managing my multiple roles, and I enjoyed the platform as a place to organize my thoughts by tags and categories. As a life-long diarist/journaler (is that even a word?), I found this process comforting. But, I also found myself getting lost in design and the tech aspects of blogging, spending hours learning HTML and adding images and widgets, rather than focusing on my thoughts and actually writing them.

I must have started and abandoned five or six blogs before I settled on The Lustful Literate. And even then, I redesigned and moved platforms and reinvented myself so many times, LL became sort of a schizophrenic mess. It was headed in the right direction, of course. At least I’d found my niche.

But then “pornocalypse” began. I’m not gonna spend a lot of time defining that term, and I’m not positive who came up with it first, but I heard it first from Basically, it was the vast crackdown on erotic content seen as elicit across the internet. Blogging platforms like blogger and wordpress started shutting us down and social media giants started censoring content. At the urging of Molly Moore, and in an effort to protect my content (which represented hours of my precious life), I moved to self-hosting.

By this time, I’d taken on the persona/pseudonym Brigit Delaney. So, when I moved to my own address, that’s what I became.

My new digs were lovely (thanks to the help of Michael Knight), and after hours of planning and organizing and creating, I was pretty sure what direction I wanted to go with the site. I haven’t changed my mind about that direction, really. But, as with any roadtrip, there are about a zillion ways to get there, and I’ve taken a few too many wild “off the beaten path” routes that have muddled up my goals.

When I began blogging years ago, it was in more of a diary format. I didn’t read too many other blogs, as I didn’t even know this wide and varied community of writers existed. Then I found others (or maybe they found me), joined their popular memes (my first were Wicked Wednesday and Masturbation Monday), and began writing content that swirled around the prompts of others. I didn’t lose my voice in this process, I honed it. But I also spent the majority of my blogging time either writing to prompts or reading other bloggers’ posts so I could comment and be a thoughtful member of a growing community.

I’ve lost narrative continuity by doing this. Rather than telling my story, which is what the blog was originally meant to do, I began piece-mealing thoughts together and my blog became a puzzle of unrelated topics and genres. A mish-mash of emotions and considerations. Though worthy, it’s just not what I intended when I set out to create this blog.

This isn’t necessarily bad, but like any project that has grown to this level, I am at the tail end of a blogging identity crisis. They happen on a regular basis and often begin with a blogging block (a general malaise for writing), thoughts of giving it all up, fears about giving it all up, and then regeneration.

I’m in that final phase. And as such, I’m beginning to redefine what I want this site to become (as we are always in a state of becoming). The changes are not big, though they feel so to me, and they invigorate me as a writer and as a person.

This website (and persona) are such a huge facet of my personality. This is the place where my insides play at coming out, the place where the parts of me that cannot dance openly in real life begin a slow tango and sometimes build up to a wild explosion.

I want so much to support others, to build them up. So I give into writing for every meme on the planet (I even feel guilty when I don’t) and run out of time or energy or thought to devote to the parts of this blog that would create the continuous flow of story that I initially set out to create here.

I’m taking that back. And of course…the best and easiest way for ME to do that is to create a routine/schedule that ensures the things I want for the blog happen.

A few things I do not plan to let go of are: The Erotic Journal Challenge, The Erotic Poetry Challenge, and Brigit’s Erotic Bedtime Stories podcast.

I’ll still write for memes on occasion, though I’m paring back a lot in that regard (even more than I already have). If the meme fits, I’ll post, but I’m not going to write TO the meme prompts as much anymore.

Instead, I’m going to focus more on a continuous narrative of my story.

Why? Well, first, it’s why I started blogging more than 10 years ago. AND, in this mess of hundreds of blogs, the reason I keep coming back to the blogs of others is their story. The blogs I find myself most drawn to are those that allow me a glimpse into another life.

I can look up posts that answer my questions about libido or polyamory or gender fluidity. But, when I come across a PERSON in those posts…their struggles and worries and thoughts about life…that’s when I connect. And connection was what this was always all about. The blogs I follow by email are not slick, professional things. They are not erotica-only, author blogs, review sites, or “lifestyle” blogs filled with advice and opinion. They are peoples’ personal accounts of their everyday.

And that is what I plan to go back to here. This site was always supposed to be about me, however narcissistic that might sound. And while it has allowed me to reach out and connect with others, I have turned my back on it’s roots a bit to pursue actions I thought necessary to do so.

I still plan to make those connections. I have made true friends on this journey and hope to make even more. If I didn’t want that connection at the heart of this venture, I’d go back to journaling for myself only.

This is bigger than that…because I honestly think stories heal. And I think stories matter. Mine. Yours. Everyone’s. The more we share them, the more empathy we spread. And really, I think the world could use a lot more of that right now.

Anyhow, you might notice a few changes around here in the coming weeks. I hope you enjoy them.

Related link: Brigit’s Submissive Journal

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  • molly

    Yes I agree, those blogs where I felt able to get to know someone, to find some connection with their words are the ones that I return to time and again


  • missy

    I agree with what you are describing here and I have been through a similar loss of direction where I feel I have sort of diluted what I set out to do by trying to fit a style or type which didn’t suit. I can understand wanting to take it back to meet your own need but also the feeling of letting others down by not commenting or participating. I have to say that despite how you feel about the way your blog has developed, I do visit for your voice and your story and always have done. I also enjoy your energy and your creative ideas. Over the time I have followed you, there has been a commitment to a number I’d different personal projects and so I have found inspiration as well as a life-minded spirit. And thank you for adding to Tell Me About … 😉

    • Brigit Delaney

      I appreciate that, missy. I’m always in a state of development, buy I suppose if I wasn’t, I’d stagnate.

  • The barefoot sub

    I have really enjoyed this ppst, its nice to see that someone whose work i admire so much has had similar struggles (perhaps meanderings is better) as myself.

    I look forward to seeing your blog develop.

    • Brigit Delaney

      Excellent…that is definitely one of the main reasons I blog…to share my struggles so others can see they are not alone.

  • Jae Lynn

    You’ve said many things I’ve only begun to toy with and feel. I wanted to belong to something special so I tried to write for as many memes as I could and I burned out very quickly. So back to the basics!

    I’m very happy to hear that the EJC is staying! I’ve always enjoyed reading your posts as well as the others that contribute.

  • sass c.

    This current blog of mine is relatively new; I just started it in January. However, in the short period of time, I’ve also gotten a bit confused about my voice.

    I appreciate your rawness and ability to write about things that may not seem so sexy (body hair post…haha).

    • Brigit Delaney

      It is really easy to get confused. I have gotten off track dozens of time for dozens of reasons. I advise myself regularly to write for myself first…to know my “why” and then figure out my “what” and “how”.

  • Marie Rebelle

    I have come to a crossroads and am going back to writing for ME. I will still support memes as much as I can, but I might just start combining more. I need time for myself. As for finding a person in a post… yes! From the moment I started reading your blog, I felt a connection, and I still do, so will definitely keep on following 🙂
    ~ Marie

    • Brigit Delaney

      Looks like lots of us have chosen to do the same thing. It’s a healthy change, even if it was an unhealthy situation that was the catalyst.

  • Francesca Demont

    We all are a story waiting to be written. I wonder how we all emerge from the times that we go through. There is a theme here, what was fun and a helpful outlet during ‘normal’ times, has changed its character during the past months. Be yourself, Brigit; it helps others to stay true to who we are, not become some fictional character behind an entertaining blog. xoxo

  • Posy Churchgate

    Hey Brigit, I found myself nodding to all the points you make.
    When I wrote my plans for 2020 I identified then that I was letting the tail wag the dog regarding writing for memes, and reading the related posts. I needed to find a balance – both writing for me and reading for me (because reading novels really improves my story construction).
    Maybe this pandemic has applied similar pressures to many of us who create, because there is definitely a ‘theme’ with bloggers of late – a wish to go back to our roots and remember our original goals. I hope this works for you because I enjoy visiting your blog to read your PoV.

    • Brigit Delaney

      Thank you, Posy. I agree! I spend too much time maintaining and not enough enjoying or actually writing. Balance can be difficult, but not impossible, to achieve. And that is my goal.

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