I’m tired.

I spent too many minutes on social media today…something I’m just not supposed to do (according to me) because all that negativity brings me down. More than anything, I have trouble with the fact that it makes me feel silenced. I can’t share my opinion without bringing a shit storm of insanity back on myself, so instead, I hide what I think and feel because my sometimes unpopular opinion is not welcome in this narrative.

It’s not that I can’t say what I want. It’s that I can’t say it without encountering anger in response. And really…it doesn’t matter what I say – there will be people who come back at me to argue and blame and point fingers.

I’m an American citizen, and I deeply value the protection and promise of the first amendment, but in today’s world, it seems that only certain voices are allowed to be heard (even though our Constitution intentionally protects unpopular opinions so that every voice is heard). And ironically, they are the voices who complain the loudest about other people’s voices being silenced. I am politically moderate, and I often feel caught between a rock and a hard place.

We all have personal reasons for our emotional reactions to things…personal reasons that others have no idea about. Stories that nobody knows. But those reasons don’t matter when all you have is 140 characters to share. And so I don’t. I post yet another picture of my cats and hope to see a few pictures of my friends’ kids amidst all of the soapboxes.

I’ve muted quite a few of my friends and family members and acquaintances over the past few months…even more in the past few days. It’s not about creating an echo chamber, it’s about sparing my personal sanity. I know what is happening in the world today. I don’t need to be constantly confronted with it every time I check my facebook or twitter feed.

I believe it’s mindful and responsible to set boundaries when it comes to social media. I know this isn’t a sexy post…but it’s the best I could do tonight.

Because I’m tired.

I know there are those who will say I I have no right to be tired, given the current circumstances of the world. That my fatigue is a luxury of my privilege.

And that’s fine, everyone is entitled to their opinion.

But they don’t know me…or my life…or the people I love. And therefore…they have no idea. No fucking clue.

And that’s where I’ll leave it. For now.

6 Replies to “Silenced”

    1. Thanks, missy…I’m angry and frustrated, but I’m measuring my words, which is hard…so hard.

  1. I live in UK, you have echoed many of my thoughts that I’ve also silenced.
    I’ve been on the receiving end of unprovoked anger.
    If Muting/unfollowing/snoozing those people *is* the only way to protect ourselves, I’m all for it.

    You make a lot of sense and I’m sure you’ve helped many feel more confident from not screaming and argumentative to strangers using social media.

    You’ve shown your strength by voicing your thoughts.
    Best Wishes
    Swirly

    1. Thanks, Swirly…I was actually even nervous to post it on my blog. Any time I’m not with the vocal majority, which is a lot of the time, I feel uncomfortable sharing my opinion online. I dislike confrontation, but moreso, when reading body language and true discussion are not possible. Comments out of context can be provocative…and there is usually so much more to a person’s opinions that what we see in a few posts.

  2. Taking care of yourself is so important. I don’t think you’re the only one who feels silenced and a bit hesitant because of the responses you might get. These times are difficult and you can’t properly support anyone or anything if you’re not doing ok to begin with

  3. I am so with you on this, Brigit. I am silenced and silent too, all because of self protection as my mental health is not what it should be. I need to be silent, to mute, to withdraw, to protect myself. Just writing this and thinking of all that has happened and is still happening, makes my head feel heavy with panic.
    Take care, Brigit. Sending lots of love.
    ~ Marie xox

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