Libido: Motivation vs. Momentum

Last week, an article was presented to me that outlined the differences between motivation and momentum. In the article, it defined to the two concepts like this…

Motivation is a feeling that you experience when you desire something, which has a tendency to ebb and flow. (What’s inspiring you to make changes right now?)

Momentum is defined as “the strength or force that something has when it is moving.”

It then posited the following questions…

What if we focused on gaining momentum instead of relying solely on “being motivated?” What’s the first action you need to take to move toward a current goal? Think about what needs to happen for you to stay consistent with this action as you move forward. How can you set yourself up for success?

Though the article was specifically directed at issues of health and wellness, I couldn’t help but see that it also applied to pretty much every other area of life in which we set and try to attain goals.

I know that I am guilty of focusing more on plans than action. It’s what allows me to “talk a good talk” when my husband and I discuss improving our sex life.

For example, it’s easy to say – it is my goal to improve our sex life – or – I want to improve my libido. But anyone who has ever written a SMART goal before knows that motivation will only take us so far into the process and isn’t enough to get us much beyond the gate.

I don’t turn every goal I have into a SMART goal. That would be cumbersome and unnecessary. But, I will go through the process for the really important ones; and I would say improving my libido to help maintain our sex life is a pretty important goal, especially considering that without a decent sex life, my husband’s well-being pretty much splits at the seams and the whole building comes tumbling down.

Sex isn’t always as important to me, but that’s simply because it’s not how I define my intimate relationship with him. For him, sex is the way he connects to me. So without it, his connection is not as strong.

Anyhow…back to that SMART goal. Let’s apply the process to my issue.


What exactly needs to be accomplished? I hope to improve my libido. I’d want to increase my sexual desire, to spontaneously desire sex at least 2-3 times per week and initiate sex at least once per week. (I know it sounds clinical…but the goal has to be specific to be worked toward and met.)

Why do I want to accomplish this goal (MOTIVATION)? To improve our marital connection.


How will I know I have succeeded? I will feel the spontaneous desire to have sex a few times per week and initiate at least once per week.

How much change needs to occur? For months I have felt little desire to have sex. Recently, after implementing some health changes, I have been feeling the fleeting desire to have sex only occasionally (maybe once a week), and even when I masturbate, I’m not always able to climax. For example, last night, when I placed the vibrator against my clitoris, it felt good (and I was hopeful) at first but then quickly transitioned to a vague numbness. I knew it would lead nowhere, so I gave up.

What will I do to achieve the goal (MOMENTUM)? Currently, I am exercising for at least 30 minutes 4-5 days per week to improve energy and mood, doing yoga 2-4 days per week to relieve stress, maintaining a sleeping schedule (at least 6 hours/90 minutes sleep cycles), hydrating (64 oz.), taking prescribed medications for mental health (carbamazepine), taking supplements for wellness and digestion/immunity, and taking two natural products to specifically improve libido (Rae’s In the Mood and Apothekary’s Seal the Deal). I’m also watching my diet and trying to drink less alcohol (I’ll be honest…I don’t always do the best job with this one – but most nights I drink 2 drinks).


Do I have the resources to achieve the goal? Yes: treadmill, stationary bike, medication, supplements/vitamins, joined Noom for group support, and signed up for Fern’s 12-week workout challenge.


Is the goal worthwhile, and can I commit to it? Yes.


What is the deadline for the goal? This is a sticky one. But I imagine I should see some improvement within a few weeks…if what I’m doing is going to help. So, I’d say, by the end of June. And if what I’m doing is working, then I will continue, and maybe step up the exercise and continue to positively modify my diet. I will also continue using the natural stimulants, if I am seeing improvement.

When will I be taking action? I have already begun.

The idea here is to be really mindful of what is needed, why, how I am going to achieve it, and when…plus knowing how I will measure success or know that “I’m there.”

What can you apply this concept to in your erotic/sensual/sexual life? What do you have motivation to achieve but maybe haven’t yet figure out how you’re going to achieve it? Have you, too, gotten lost in the dreaming and planning and forgotten to simply ACT?

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