The full moon occurs in days, so it’s telling that the last poem I wrote was near the new moon in April.

It’s been a tough few weeks.

The malaise has set in.

Being “trapped” at home, working hours from a chair, social media insanity…it has brought me down and led me to recede, as I am wont to do when the world proves too much for me to bear.

Like a turtle (probably my spirit animal in more ways than one), I just pull my limbs and head and take a breather.

Unfortunately, it happened half-way through my self-imposed poetry challenge, so I’m a little disappointed in myself. I gotta let that go, though, as there isn’t much I can do about what is already past. I can, however, pick back up where I left off and share the final pieces I had intended to share for the challenge (this and another – which I will share another day) that I was too afraid would wreak havoc considering the social climate on twitter these days).

I love magnetic poetry for a lot of reasons. It frees up the mind from having to think of words, as they are already provided, but it pushes the mind in new ways to put words one might not have thought up into patterns that work to create something new. So it is an interesting mix of “boundaries” and “freedom” in creativity.

A gift I would love is a whole wall of magnetic board and several more sets of magnetic words to add to those I already have. I find playing with the words to be relaxing and meditative. It takes my mind off of other things and engages parts of my brain that often don’t get flexed during the day (and are, in fact, sometimes stifled).

And during times like this, when I’ve sort of been stunted and forcibly squashed into a new pattern of working and living (haven’t we all?!), any little respite is appreciated.

I don’t know about you, but Covid-19 has fucked shit up for me. I’m lucky enough not to have any friends or family who have come down with the illness. And most of the people I know are in fairly decent shape, otherwise. More than anything, it’s the stress and anxiety of so much change coming so quickly. On March 13, I went to work, fairly certain we’d not go in to any sort of lock down. But March 16th we were told not to come back to work. We didn’t have time to create a true game plan for how we would do our work remotely, so we have been “building our plane in the air,” so to speak, since then. We’ve been pretty successful, actually, but the politics surrounding what we are trying to accomplish have been mixed. And between the social media related to that, and the social media shit-storm in the sex-blogging community, the best I’ve been able to do is simply avoid it all and do the most important things: rest, spend time with my family, and do my job to the greatest of my ability.

I’m not gonna lie. There’s been a lot of wine…and whiskey…and TV-watching…and a whole fuck-ton of doing absolutely nothing (no big amazing projects and mass productivity in isolation for me!) as I try to find a “new normal.” It doesn’t help that there is talk that our current “mission” may extend into September. It’s causing a lot of internal – and community – angst, I’ll admit, even though I don’t have any control over it, and I know I should just roll with it and take the changes as they come. That’s just not how I tend to do change. Nope. I close my eyes and stick my fingers in my ears and sing lalalalalalala, and then eventually, after days or weeks of self-talking myself out of a tree, I might finally begin to creatively plan for the new reality. I might even become a little positive about the opportunities that the forced change has created. Necessary growth can be painful.

I’m slow to adapt. But it doesn’t mean I can’t…or won’t.

11 Replies to “New Moon”

  1. Your poem is beautiful and I love the idea of magnetic poetry and a whole board of words. You are so right, this situation looks to just go on and on and sucks the very life out of you. Finding the new normal involves mourning for what we feel we have lost, because who knows when of if we’ll get it all back. Stay safe and well xx

    1. You are so right…grief is often part any major life shift. I feel like many of us have gone through the stages of loss…and only now are some of us coming to acceptance.

  2. So much of this resonates with me. I’m still trying to find my new ‘normal’, to find balance, while frantically educating myself on several subjects to help me find that new ‘normal’. We will all get through this, one way or the other, for better or for worse. Take care, my friend, and stay safe.

    Rebel xox

    1. It’s a sharp learning curve for some of us, but evolution is bound to come of this. Thanks, Marie…

  3. It’s good to hear you and those close to you are still healthy. That seems to be the most important thing right now.
    I’m sure you’ll find your way eventually. Do whatever you can accomplish, no matter how small.
    I actually need to remind myself that these times are stressful, and yes, it’s okay to eat some extra chocolate or take that extra glass of whiskey. Let’s continue to take good care of ourselves ☺️

    1. I’m much harder on myself than others are. It’s a daily struggle in the best of times…but your are right, now, more than ever, we have to give ourselves some grace.

  4. I love your magnetic wall idea and I think I might try to plan for one of those. I think that I am quick to try to ‘do’ something. I often see similarities between us and I think I saw you being hard on yourself when I was feeling positive and as if I might actually be in control. Haha. I think maybe I was just a few steps behind you though because for the last few weeks the pressure has been huge and I am really struggling with the responsibility for trying to achieve the impossible and the emotional overload which does along with it. The constant shifting sands and the fact that nothing is as it was creates a huge need to adapt and accept that every single day, everything that you do will be new. I understand your exhaustion and your despair. 😊

    1. Thanks missy. I keep thinking that one of these days I’ll find my feet and create my new normal. I think the problem is that the world around me keeps trying to make “the way it was” fit into this new place. It doesn’t work. Coming up with a new normal means letting go of some stuff that wasn’t working. In a way, it’s an opportunity, but so many above me are so attached to the old ways that it is proving difficult to be creative in problem-solving. I think we will get there (or at least I will). I have a bad feeling that this is going to impact my work into next year, and I want to be ready for it.

  5. excellent post. yes this has changed many lives with the virus. Of course some of us have had to duck and cover for our own sanity. glad you poked your head out to join us

  6. The times we live in have changed life for so many of us. I’m having an amazing amount of success in my career as I’m now busier than I’ve ever been on that front, and it’s caused my personal hobby, my writing, to suffer from neglect. I feel your pain, but we have to allow ourselves to not succeed at all times, forgive ourselves, and get back on track.

    I look forward to more poetry.
    My Naughty Ideas recently posted…A Little Hotel FunMy Profile

    1. Yes…we do need to forgive ourselves. I’m not very good at that, but I’m continually working on it.

      I definitely need to come up with a way for poetry to be a regular occurrence on my blog…

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