It may be a deceitful title…as you are likely expecting something much sexier than what you are about to read…but…


I’ve not been writing much on the blog as of late. My work life has taken me down a road I never planned nor wanted to travel, and now I am online much of the day, planning, writing emails, attending virtual meetings. It’s laborious and leaves me wanting nothing to do with the computer after I am done.

Yesterday, I got out the magnetic poetry…just to get away from the screen for awhile…and in an effort to find a way to create in a non-digital atmosphere. I piled those little tiles into nouns, adjectives/adverbs, verbs, etc. and then just played.

It felt good.

But, I’m also not in a great place with Mr. D. As my job has infiltrated my life in a wholly new and astounding way, I’ve undergone a resurgence of the kind of stress I normally only see at the beginning of the work year. That stress has seen me working long hours and focusing too much mental energy on work and not enough on my marriage.

We had it out last night…late…just like we have promised we wouldn’t.

This poem is a result of my feelings surrounding that interaction.

Day 10 Topic (yes, I’m terribly behind and haven’t kept up): “I” – Intense

23 Replies to “I Swallow”

  1. I hope things settle down some. Working from home has many downsides as you can’t always separate work and home. I hope that balance is restored for you.
    Cara Thereon recently posted…JekyllMy Profile

    1. It is definitely a steep learning curve for me. I easily become a workaholic, even when I can leave work physically behind. Now that I am surrounded by it, it is difficult. But I will get better at it. I have to.

      1. This was a challenge for me when I worked from home as a virtual admin for a couple years and as the web manager for my company just before this job. I recognized it was an issue, but I loved my job…it was only after I left and started working in an office that I realized it had taken over my life. Now WFH is totally different. Our CEO is absolutely adamant that we not work more than our 37.5 (tho because they organization relies so heavily on my team (web content/email communications) that isn’t very realistic. Still, when I walk away from the (work) computer for the day, I don’t go back – I’m not allowed to. It’s been working so much better than before, even if the world sucks is why I am WFH now.

        1. I think I need a work computer and a play computer…and I should only work in my office and close the door when I am through. My boss just doesn’t realize how much work this whole mess is.

  2. I am a fan of mixed media and multi-form artwork. Your magnet creation is visually evocative of frustration – especially with the red/orange coloration – in a way that the words alone may not necessarily be.

    While I don’t envy you the argument that caused it, I am in love with what you’ve created.
    Mrs Fever recently posted…“Relative” QuestionsMy Profile

    1. Thank you, Feve. Sometimes magnet poetry, or magazine poetry, allows me to express myself in a way that I cannot normally. It provides the words, and all I have to do is arrange them in the way they feel most right. This was one of those times.

  3. It can’t be of great pleasure to know that stress is affecting areas of your life that you don’t want it to. We try to get around, adapt to changes but it doesn’t always work out, and that fine. I wish that this is only temporary in the scheme of things for you.

    1. Me, too, PS. It’s like being a first year teacher again. Very stressful. And I’m fully aware that my priorities are off, but right now I’m just not sure how to change it.

  4. Stess can definitely push us to act in ways we don’t normally do—and in ways we actually find abhorrent. I hope you are able to relax and leave work behind each day. I know how easy it is when working at home to just work anytime. Perhaps you need to set some form hours after which you won’t go near your work computer for any reason. Stay well!
    collaredmichael recently posted…Woo Hoo! Twice In One Weekend !My Profile

    1. I’m trying to do that. But then I don’t blog either, which makes me feel guilty. I may just have to take a blogging break in June to get through the rest of this school year.

      1. Don’t feel guilty about blogging. It should be done for your pleasure. We’ll still be around when you come back. Blog when you feel like it. Write about what you want. Be safe!

  5. I’m sorry to hear this working from home thing has such an influence on your life, lovely. I hope you can work it out, how to get everything in balance despite the ongoing situation. Please take care.

    Rebel xox

  6. I’m sorry you’ve gotten caught by the stress when that’s not usually something you have to worry about by this point of the year. I like what you did with the poetry. I always find it a lot of fun to just cut up sentences and shift words around like that with physical pieces of paper

  7. I am sorry to hear that it’s tough for you. We have been finding the same as it’s shifted things within our relationship. I think when you are D/s the balance works through the structures and routines and when they change it can be hard to access the same mindset. For me it has worked like that at least, so some of the connection is lost under all the new focus. I can also understand the feeling of being a new teacher again. It is all so strange. I love this poem though. It is so raw and there is so much there in the words you have chosen. I know of expresses frustration but it communicates with the reader so well. 😊

    1. Thanks, missy. You get it in a way some others cannot. I keep thinking I’ll get my feet under me and find a workable routine, but it takes time to do that with all these new expectations and roadblocks. All my normal shortcuts don’t work right now, and things that usually took minutes take a lot longer as it is all being done through email. But I’ll get there. Every week seems easier. Its hard for the people I live with to see that, though. One wants a new, nicer teacher who doesn’t take jmhis video games away…and the other wants his wife back.

      1. Oh gosh it sound really hard. Are the expectations for you self-imposed or coming from outside. I think that people are tying themselves in knots trying to do the same when you can’t do the same. Perhaps the emphasis is different here. I feel the weight, the responsibility and the frustration enormously but as a staff there has been a realistic expectation so that has really helped for my perspective. Teacher is important but so is wife and mother. And so is Brigit ❤️

        1. Some are self imposed…I have high expectations for myself…but it’s also a steep learning curve with technology. Our administration is doing great, though 👏…very supportive!

          1. That is good. Hopefully it will all work out. The expectation on us has not been to do it all thankfully. It’s not homeschooling it is providing some online resources for those who want them. That has made it a lot easier for us but I think it’s different in different places. 😊

  8. I’m sorry that you are finding yourself in a stressful place. I hope that things settle down and that you can find a balance, and perhaps even say “no” to some of the work pressures that are being piled onto you. 🌹

    1. I’ve never been very good at saying no. It is one of my weaknesses. I do need to get better at that.

  9. Magnetic poetry is fun. I’m sorry you’re experiencing hard times right now.

    I hope you and yours are staying safe and healthy during this difficult time.

    J Lenni Dorner~ Co-host of the #AtoZchallenge, Debut Author Interviewer, Reference& Speculative Fiction Author
    J Lenni Dorner~ Co-host of the #AtoZchallenge, Debut Author Interviewer, Reference& Speculative Fiction Author recently posted…Zero Lies #atozchallengeMy Profile

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