Fairweather submissive

I’m sorry to confess it, but honestly, I’m a fairweather submissive.

I’m up for it when it’s easy, when I have the energy for it, the time for it…when it doesn’t ask too much of me.

I have been such for a long time, and I’ve tried (sort of) time and again to be better. Often enough that some might say I should just give up, that it isn’t for me, that I’m not really a submissive.

And yet, I am. Or at least I’m some semblance of one…on my way to becoming one.

No matter how poorly I demonstrate it or live up to my own expectations (or His).

That’s the thing about identity. We are what we say we are, what we feel we are, even if no one else sees it yet.

We are even more what we demonstrate.

Because I can feel like a submissive…identify as one…and yet, if I do not show it through actions, I am not His submissive…to be such, I must live up to our shared expectations.

Right now, I live up to the ones that are most convenient for me…the easiest. I fight or dismiss the ones that I find abhorrent or difficult.

I top from the bottom.

I’m not proud of it. I want to be better. And I guess that’s a beginning. But, looking at my rules and at my vision, I know that there is much work to be done before I can truly say that I am His submissive.

I am a work in progress, I suppose. I am not the best version of myself…yet. But, I’m working on it.

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  • PurpleSole

    We are always looking to improve and it’s better to want to improve than think it’s all going fine. I think it’s important to know it isn’t all smooth sailing all the time, but you’ll get there. I do think it’s easier in summer months though.

  • missy

    I think we are all works in progress and I think also that there should be less comparison. Labels seem to give us something to measure up to but often it is to a false ideal and when you look into it, others aren’t always doing what you think anyway. I think that submission can be a part of you but there will always be other parts to so it’s about owning your own brand of it and finding one which balances with the Dominance that feeds you. Not sure if that makes sense but I think I know what I mean lol ❤️

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