Reviews,  Sex Toy Reviews,  Sex Toy Sunday

The Zumio S: Pleasure or Pain?

This was a tough toy for me to review, so I’m just going to be brutally honest.

I don’t love it. 

But with that out there in front, I still want to explain what it does and how, because it might just be me…and it might have its uses, even in our bedroom, though I’m sure they won’t really be as the company intended.

The product came to me in a nice box with its own little charging station, which sort of made it look like an air pick sitting there on my bathroom counter. The whole notion of it confused me a bit. It fit my palm well, but that little pointy end? I wasn’t completely sure how that was gonna work out. So, I gave it some time and space to charge, and then came back to it a few hours later, filled with curiosity and confusion.

I’ve used the toy three times now. That initial test drive was exactly that…a test. I turned it on and buzzed it against my fingers, my nipples, my clit, and around the inside of my labia and opening of my vagina. I really just wanted to see what the sensations were like. My first impression was “annoying,” and I couldn’t figure out exactly how I was going to improve the experience.

Now it may just be me, as I said, and my preferences for sexual stimulation, but this little thing has a concentrated vibration in a small, hard beaded tip.

I suppose if your sexual enjoyment is gained mainly from stimulation to your nipples or clitoris, this could be perfect. And I do think this could be used as a “warm-up” tool. When my Husband used it on me (test drive #3), He buzzed it around my nipples (which definitely woke them up), and around my clitoris (which was pleasurable, I’ll admit, as long as he didn’t directly hit it). But when He pressed it against the opening of my vagina, it actually hurt; and when He inserted to see what it would do against my g-spot, it was downright painful. That’s when we moved on to other toys.

I’ll admit that it does exactly what it promises. I can orgasm in less than a minute, and it’s quiet. So if you are looking for a quick, descreet get-off, this may be the tool of choice!

Test drive #2 was me alone in the bathroom. And since it was the only nearby toy, and I was seeking a quick release, I thought it might work, as clitoral orgasms are usually my quickest (if not most pleasurable) orgasm. Since I can’t handle it as a direct contact to my clit, I pressed the whole vibrating end between my slit, with the bead end closer to my vaginal opening and the base of it closer to my clit. I found that when you press too hard, it automatically slows the vibration, as I’m pretty sure it isn’t meant to be used this way. But I did manage to get off.

It does boast the style of vibration I prefer (a simple power button with an up and down speed adjustment with no patterns or pulses).

But, in the end, I just wasn’t impressed enough to make this a top-shelf choice, especially with such a hefty price tag, I think there are other toys that cost much less that can give you a similar or better orgasm (basically any bullet vibe). When I asked the Mr., however, whether I should throw it in the discard drawer or add it to the torture devices, He opted to keep it. After all, it does pretty much send me through the roof when applied directly to nipple or clit. So, it does have its uses, even for us. I’m sure Zumio didn’t intend for it to be used as a torture device, but then…

I’m sad to say that I did like the toy very much. It appears to be well made and was different from anything I’ve tried before. I’ll be honest…I was approached by the company to do the review, and was pretty excited because it was seemed so unique, in a sea of same, same, and more of the same. I didn’t visit their website until I almost finished this review and had no idea this was a $140 product. Having received the toy free for my unbiased review, I felt a little guilty because I was writing an rather unfavorable review. But I thought deep and hard and realized that every review is worthwhile because every person is different. Not everyone is going to love this toy. If you have a really sensitive clit (and/or nipples), this toy might not be your cup of tea. Even the S model (which I reviewed here) was too intense for me. But I also hate the Hitachi wand…so…there’s that. Maybe I’m weird. My Husband also mentioned that if you (or your honey) are into urethral play, this is the perfect size for that. He tried it twice, and while He found that the sensations just aren’t for Him, it may be an interesting (if unintended) use for this product.

In the long run, this is not a toy I would add to my favorites drawer. I really do appreciate the chance to review it and do thank Zumio for sending the product to me.

Check out the Zumio website for products, reviews, and buying options! They are a women-owned company and obviously have women’s pleasure in mind.

From their website:

The Desire for Different

A busy single mom wanted a better way to shift gears and experience pleasure when she had some precious me time.

She had tried other sex toys but wanted something different. Something that mimicked the natural, circular motion of a fingertip. Something discrete looking. Something that would arouse her quickly. Something she could explore with.

Click HERE for videos on how to use the Zumio, product features, and warranty information. They have a pretty great website.

*** I have used this product since…. Because it is amazing at providing a fast, intense, and quiet orgasm, it’s actually not a bad go-to for a quicky in the bathroom or right before bed. I still prefer a regular vibrator with a larger, softer, more blunt-shaped head, but none of my other vibrators are this quiet. That quality alone may keep this in arm’s reach (or the bathroom drawer, at least). I also think that keeping it on the lowest setting and using it to tease – by not actually touching any pleasure points directly – could be a valuable use.

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