I’ve been keeping track of our sex life on a phone app that allows me to categorize types of sex, who initiates, etc. It’s helping me be more mindful and reflective about what’s happening (or not).
December wasn’t terrible…though it was far less than either of us would really like. We had sex five times, three of which were on the weekend, and I masturbated six times, all of which were in the middle of the week.
We had a rough January, sex-wise. We only had sex twice, once on a weekend, and once during the week. Both were towards the end of the month. And I masturbated eight times. All but one were during the week.
Our average sex frequency per week is less than once (.9), and He initiated 75% of the time. And there were only two D/s encounters.
The app tells me a lot more, but these things alone are plenty to deal with. They tell me February needs to do better.
And they also lead me to question (and face) why. We just started getting back on track in December around Christmas time, which makes sense, because that’s when things start to shift for me, energy and focus-wise. I turn the corner at work, and have a big winger break to breath and take stock. I have more time for everything I want to do and begin to feel more relaxed. That, of course helps. We both took those weeks off, so we had more opportunities for sex. Five of our six January sexual encounters happened after the 20th. My break started on the 20th. And I only masturbated twice during that time. No surprise on either of those. Both D/s encounters happened while we were both on break.
The rest of January sucked because we were both sick (back and forth). We only had sex twice. There were no D/s encounters. And I only masturbated four times. Sad. Sad. Sad.
A Lack of Privacy
We’re also running up against a privacy (or lack thereof) issue. Our son is old enough now to see and hear and understand a lot more than we are comfortable with. And that’s holding us back. Just yesterday, for example, we started playing with a few new toys that I’m going to review, and he came home from his grandparents’ house right in the middle of it. While we still managed to finish things off, the “fun” was definitely dampened and shorted and quieted because of his presence.
I love my son, but having an older kid in the house is definitely going to force us to be more creative about our sexy time.
Just yesterday, though, during our marriage talk, we discussed that evenings just aren’t so great for us. We both work full time, and by the time our son goes to bed (9 pm), neither of us is at the top of our game for sex. Normally, that’s the time I want to shoot for a quick release with a toy and go right to sleep. It’s not a great time for sex plans. But the one night we have without kids in the house is Friday night…and still, I’m pretty done and ready to get to sleep early. Saturday night would be better, but it’s not a night we have childcare most of the time. And besides…he’s really too old for “childcare.” If he spends the night at a friend’s, we get lucky, otherwise, we just have to be quiet, which is just not as fun as, well… not being quiet.
I know it’s a problem lots of people have. And we just have to get a bit more creative about things…maybe take a weekend away, encourage more sleep-overs, fit it in while he’s at sports practice…
We also talked about getting our D/s back on track, which, for me is really based in those daily rituals and routines which have sort of fallen by the wayside. It’s also my fault because I’m not a very active submissive. I need to do more to encourage His dominance.
Committing to More Sex
Keeping a sex life alive (especially as parents with kids in the house) takes work and dedication…and creativity…and planning. There’s no getting around it.
I know this about myself, though. Momentum builds. And I want more of what I’ve had. We had sex yesterday…and if we have it today, we’re more likely to have it tomorrow. I I’m more likely to continue thinking about it and wanting it and writing about it. Which will, in turn, lead to more sex, and more wanting it. And the hornier we both are, the more motivated we both are to keep the train going.
So that’s what I’m shooting for in February: more sex. Maybe sex every day! It’s an interesting goal, and I’d be interested to see what it could do for us mentally, emotionally, and physically.
This month’s Erotic Journal Challenge topic is Sensual/Sexual as these are feelings I want to continue cultivating in myself this year. Having sex every day would definitely build toward this goal, and I’d like to know what it would do to my mental state and our connection, both in vanilla and D/s terms.