Lacking Privacy is Hard on a Sex Life
Sex Tracking
I’ve been keeping track of our sex life on a phone app that allows me to categorize types of sex, who initiates, etc. It’s helping me be more mindful and reflective about what’s happening (or not).
December wasn’t terrible…though it was far less than either of us would really like. We had sex five times, three of which were on the weekend, and I masturbated six times, all of which were in the middle of the week.
We had a rough January, sex-wise. We only had sex twice, once on a weekend, and once during the week. Both were towards the end of the month. And I masturbated eight times. All but one were during the week.
Our average sex frequency per week is less than once (.9), and He initiated 75% of the time. And there were only two D/s encounters.
The app tells me a lot more, but these things alone are plenty to deal with. They tell me February needs to do better.
And they also lead me to question (and face) why. We just started getting back on track in December around Christmas time, which makes sense, because that’s when things start to shift for me, energy and focus-wise. I turn the corner at work, and have a big winger break to breath and take stock. I have more time for everything I want to do and begin to feel more relaxed. That, of course helps. We both took those weeks off, so we had more opportunities for sex. Five of our six January sexual encounters happened after the 20th. My break started on the 20th. And I only masturbated twice during that time. No surprise on either of those. Both D/s encounters happened while we were both on break.
The rest of January sucked because we were both sick (back and forth). We only had sex twice. There were no D/s encounters. And I only masturbated four times. Sad. Sad. Sad.
A Lack of Privacy
We’re also running up against a privacy (or lack thereof) issue. Our son is old enough now to see and hear and understand a lot more than we are comfortable with. And that’s holding us back. Just yesterday, for example, we started playing with a few new toys that I’m going to review, and he came home from his grandparents’ house right in the middle of it. While we still managed to finish things off, the “fun” was definitely dampened and shorted and quieted because of his presence.
I love my son, but having an older kid in the house is definitely going to force us to be more creative about our sexy time.
Just yesterday, though, during our marriage talk, we discussed that evenings just aren’t so great for us. We both work full time, and by the time our son goes to bed (9 pm), neither of us is at the top of our game for sex. Normally, that’s the time I want to shoot for a quick release with a toy and go right to sleep. It’s not a great time for sex plans. But the one night we have without kids in the house is Friday night…and still, I’m pretty done and ready to get to sleep early. Saturday night would be better, but it’s not a night we have childcare most of the time. And besides…he’s really too old for “childcare.” If he spends the night at a friend’s, we get lucky, otherwise, we just have to be quiet, which is just not as fun as, well… not being quiet.
I know it’s a problem lots of people have. And we just have to get a bit more creative about things…maybe take a weekend away, encourage more sleep-overs, fit it in while he’s at sports practice…
We also talked about getting our D/s back on track, which, for me is really based in those daily rituals and routines which have sort of fallen by the wayside. It’s also my fault because I’m not a very active submissive. I need to do more to encourage His dominance.
Committing to More Sex
Keeping a sex life alive (especially as parents with kids in the house) takes work and dedication…and creativity…and planning. There’s no getting around it.
I know this about myself, though. Momentum builds. And I want more of what I’ve had. We had sex yesterday…and if we have it today, we’re more likely to have it tomorrow. I I’m more likely to continue thinking about it and wanting it and writing about it. Which will, in turn, lead to more sex, and more wanting it. And the hornier we both are, the more motivated we both are to keep the train going.
So that’s what I’m shooting for in February: more sex. Maybe sex every day! It’s an interesting goal, and I’d be interested to see what it could do for us mentally, emotionally, and physically.
This month’s Erotic Journal Challenge topic is Sensual/Sexual as these are feelings I want to continue cultivating in myself this year. Having sex every day would definitely build toward this goal, and I’d like to know what it would do to my mental state and our connection, both in vanilla and D/s terms.
13 Comments
May More
U did make me smile as i started reading this about keeping track of your sex life via an app – 😉 u are so organised compared to me – but if u don’t keep a note u won’t know.
Sex every day is a tough one – but go for it and good luck!! can’t wait to hear about it and will defo try and be organised enough to join in with the erotic challenge this month! x
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Brigit Delaney
It’s more anal retentive and OCD than organized, but I’ll take it as a compliment. I’m pretty sure every day is too much to ask, but goals are just goals, not promises.
Jae Lynn
We seem to run into the lack of privacy as well. Kiddo is getting older and a lot more curious which makes alone time difficult. I wish you luck this month.
collaredmichael
Been there with the kids but as we’re almost empty nesters a lot of the time, things are getting better. Still I know the problems of fatigue and it’s interference.
On another note, what is the app??
collaredmichael recently posted…What Drives My Submission or My Queen’s Super Power!
Brigit Delaney
I wrote a post for Monday all about it, so stay tuned. I figured someone might want to know a little more about it!
Julie
January is a difficult month. We have no excuse re: privacy, but for one reason and another haven’t had much sex during January. Morning sex works better for us, but we have the time. Great and interesting post Brigit. xx
Brigit Delaney
We considered mornings, too…but, I get up at 5 and leave by 7, it’s hard to fit it in.
Marie Rebelle
Keeping track of your sex… now my interest is piqued! And yes, adult children in the house… I know, that can definitely ruin a good orgasm!
Rebel xox
Naomi
I can imagine. We now have to close the doors on yo the verandah after getting watched by my granddaughter! The noise is the worst issue. You’re so funny with an app for it! We laughed at that. But, you know, it’s not silly. If it’s a priority then keeping a track is a great idea! Otherwise it just gets caught up in life…and before you know it a month may have gone past! Haha with me it was a decade! But who’s counting!!!
Brigit Delaney
Ha! I bet that horrified her! But how excellent for her to know that grandma still has a sex life.
Celine Wright
I personally can relate to no privacy. We have no kids, but my father stays with us. Now with lock down and the virus out there, its sexual lock down as well” At least that’s how it feels. The idea of the app appeals to me. Never thought of keeping track of our sex life. Makes good sense.
PS. Before lock down: ” Amazing orgasms ” My Husband and I are very open minded and love exploring.
Brigit Delaney
Hey, welcome Celine! Love the name of your website! I’ll definitely be checking you out…it is nice to have a new reader!
Celine Wright
Thank you. love what you do. Following you and waiting in anticipation for your next blog 😉