In the early morning quiet, the clock ticked without competition from other sounds. The sunrise seeping through the gap in the curtains created a halo surrounding his sleeping silhouette, his body gently expanding and resettling with each breath, and I let my eyes trace the soft hairs on his arms.

Beneath the thin motel blanket, my hand lay timidly on his hip. Like a rabbit, hyper-vigilant of my situation, I felt a bit on edge, knowing that any moment, his phone might ring, and if it did, he wouldn’t find the strength to tell her no.

No matter how much I wanted to convince myself, I didn’t believe he would stop loving her.

I woke from each stolen night feeling guilt and fear and hope like a rock in my gut.

But, I just couldn’t stop.

He was weak and unhappy, running from boredom and hurt, and I offered him something she couldn’t give. Kneeling before him each night, taking his cock fully into my throat, begging him to spank me until I cried. She would never be this, which left him hungry and searching and not quite whole.

But, I didn’t make him whole, either. He needed both of us for that, but she would never accept me, and he foolishly thought he could live without her…for a moment. For a moment, it was me. But, now he knew I wasn’t enough…on my own.

This was going to end. He would go back to her. He would leave me. Every time…he would leave me…choose her…want me…need her…crave me…. But every time, he would go back to her. And eventually, he would stop. Even if it broke his heart. Even if it broke mine. Even if it broke hers.

I ran my fingers along the small of his back, a sad smile taking hold of my lips as I felt the fine hairs at the base of his spine. He moved just a bit in response, and I continued to move my hand toward its mark, following the crease between his cheeks to the base of his backside, the point where his thighs met his ass. Barely awake now, mechanically willing, he spread his legs just enough to allow my hand between, where I softly grazed his scrotum and palmed his growing cock.

“Stop,” he whispered sleepily. He wasn’t one to allow me an upper hand, and I wasn’t one to seek it.

Normally, he would have rolled over, pulled back the covers, and offered me his erection with expectation. But, this morning was different, tinged by a decision he’d yet to share.

He didn’t push me away physically. He didn’t have to. I knew. I felt him leave before he had the chance. An almost imperceptible pulling away.

I got out of bed, showered, and dressed, my hair still wet, and my face free of make-up. I wanted him to remember me this way, undone.

“Take me home,” I said. I couldn’t even look him in the eyes as I said it, but at that moment, I let him go.

This week’s prompt for Wicked Wednesday was: Another Song

“Some weeks ago we had the prompt ‘song title‘ and back then I knew this was a prompt we would revisit, as there are so many beautiful songs out there, that has different meanings for all of us. Some sparks sad memories, other sexy ones, and sometimes it just ignites a feeling that puts you right back in your frame of mind of ‘back then’. This originally was an idea of Molly Moore…”

I’ve had a story idea in my head for some time in relation to this song, well before I knew about my Husband’s infidelity. The first time I heard it, it brought tears to my eyes, because I can sympathize with the woman singing. Human’s do all kinds of things to seek comfort, even when those things are wrong, and they can also find strength at their weakest of times.

This fictional story seemed especially apt in relation to a recent post I wrote: “He Cheated…and I Forgave Him,” because I have empathy for the “other woman” in certain circumstances. I don’t know the details of my Husband’s infidelity, and despite initially (and foolishly) asking Him for them, I don’t really want to know. It was a long time ago. And while I’ve only just learned of it (which makes the pain fresh and real for me…even if it isn’t for Him), there is no reason (in my opinion) to dig up bones.

This story is fiction, but I guess it’s sort of a weird tribute to the woman He didn’t choose. How different our lives would be if He had, or if I’d found out back then. Time has a way of healing and subduing emotions, even if it can’t erase them.

Lyrics to “Stay” by Sugarland

I’ve been sittin’ here, starin’ at the clock on the wall
And I’ve been layin’ here, prayin’
Prayin’ she won’t call
It’s just another call from home, and you’ll get it
And be gone, and I’ll be cryin’
And I’ll be beggin’ you, baby
Beg you not to leave
But I’ll be left here waitin’
My heart on my sleeve
Oh, for the next time we’ll be here
Seems like a million years, and I think I’m dyin’
What do I have to do to make you see
She can’t love you like me?
Why don’t you stay?
I’m down on my knees
I’m so tired of bein’ lonely
Don’t I give you what you need?
When she calls you to go
There is one thing you should know
We don’t have to live this way
Baby, why don’t you stay?
You keep tellin’ me, baby
There will come a time
When you will leave her arms
And forever be in mine
But I don’t think that’s the truth
And I don’t like bein’ used, and I’m tired of waitin’
It’s too much pain to have to bear
To love a man you have to share
I can’t take it any longer, but my will is gettin’ stronger
And I think I know just what I have to do
I can’t waste another minute
After all that I’ve put in it
I’ve given you my best
Why does she get the best of you?
So next time you find you wanna leave her bed for mine
Why don’t you stay?
I’m up off my knees
I’m so tired of bein’ lonely
You can’t give me what I need
When she begs you not to go
There is one thing you should know
I don’t have to live this way
Baby, why don’t you stay?

11 Replies to “Stay”

  1. I saw Sugarland live several years ago ( 2012-ish… maybe 13(?), before they split… though now they’re back together) and Jennifer Nettles is a Sound To Behold. The emotion in her voice when she sings Stay is raw and real and comes from a place of pain. I don’t know the story behind it, but I have no doubt that there *is* a story.

    I’m not a fan of cheating songs, generally speaking, but this one gives me goosebumps. And your treatment of the ‘other woman’ character does the song — the whole song, not just the title — justice.
    Mrs Fever recently posted…“That’s not my kink,” I said. And my vagina just laughed…My Profile

  2. I’m sitting here with a lump in my throat. This is beautiful, Brigit, the story, and your empathy for the other woman. I know you hurt now. I think it’s only natural to hurt. Still, you are so strong. Strong to forgive him, strong to see the other side too, that of the other woman. This is a beautiful post.

    Rebel xox

    1. Thanks, Marie. While this IS fiction, writing is how I process my feelings about real life. Giving myself a situation in which I can see everyone’s humanity is healing.

  3. Oh Brigit, I wish we could take all this pain away for you. Everytime I hear this song is cry. I wished I was enough for him. I wished he was enough for me, but we aren’t. We can’t expect one person to be our everything, but if we are lucky we can find that one person to be enough.

    I remember when you posted that your husband wanted to try a poly lifestyle again. I think I understand where his head was at. Poly doesn’t fix anything, it doesn’t heal hurts, it doesn’t save a marriage. It’s actually harder to maintain. Maybe he thought that it would fix things, he could get what he needed from you and ‘her’. The one thing he didn’t account for was that trust has to be rebuilt and strong to handle the poly life. If it’s not and communication is broken it is just cheating.

    You did something cathartic here… You gave her a voice. You showed us that she is human and has feelings too. When we are the ones in the middle of pain we fail to see that. She couldn’t take him away from you, he was already one foot out of the door. But that other foot, the one still inside of the house (your marriage) is the stronger one.

    I’m sorry for being long-winded, you got me in my feelings early in the a.m. ❤️

    1. Thanks, J. Lynn. The thing is, He has always been poly. And I understand that. I’m not, and it poses a problem for both of us. The woman this story is based on, was a submissive and offered Him something that, at the time, I did not. Even now, when I do, He would love to peruse a three-way poly relationshio. It’s His preference that I be involved. But, just as I can’t make Him be mono, he can’t make me be poly. We have to find compromise. And though the crack in trust does make that a little more difficult, it’s not impossible. I love Him and want us both to find what fulfills us in some way.

      1. It’s always possible ?. This may sound silly but have you both sat down and made a list together of the things you both would want IF another person was added to the dynamic? I realize this makes it sound like they would have to be perfect but the goal behind this is to satisfy his need as well as yours. Finding someone that could fulfill him in a kinky sense and be a good friend for you.
        Just a thought.

        1. Good thoughts, J. We’ve talked ad nauseum. Really, I think the only way it would truly work is if it just organically happened. I really am, honestly, too jealous to make it work any other way, I fear. Which is weird, because I know I am the most important woman in His life. It’s not a matter of insecurity…it’s a matter of time and priorities. And I don’t think another woman would be willing to put up with the amount of time our family (and I) require of Him. But maybe… The list might be a good idea.
          Brigit Delaney recently posted…Punishment’s Emerging Role in our RelationshipMy Profile

  4. Oh Brigit, this about done broke my heart 🙁 I’ve been there. I’ve been both these women. It’s hard and awful and unfair and impossible and I’m sorry for whatever part of this may be autobiographical or metaphorical. Aside from heart-wrenching, it’s beautifully written and I’m grateful you shared.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Age Verification

By clicking enter, I certify that I am over the age of 18 and will comply with the above statement.

Enter

Or

Exit
Always enjoy responsibily.
%d bloggers like this: