30 Days of D/s,  Experience,  Opinion

Dominance – More than Meets the Eye

This post is #29 in my 30 Days of D/s series. If you’d like to read more, please visit my 30 Days of D/s page for the complete inventory of posts.

Dominance isn’t just a name. A person can call themselves “dominant” all damn day, but the traits of dominance are usually unspoken and can be both obvious and subtle.

I’ll use Mr. D as an example.


When I first met Him, he was sitting at a table with friends at a bar where we had planned to meet. He left His friends when He saw me and we sat at another table alone. He stood tall, leaned forward, looked me straight in the eye. The effect was instant.

Eye contact is a more obvious feature of dominance. It shows confidence and strength, and can even be used to take other seemingly dominant people to task…sort of a stare down approach, I guess. Whoever looks away first admits defeat.

Likewise, a submissive personality is likely to break eye contact more often, looking away or down in deference to the more dominant personality. Sometimes this is out of respect, other times, if the dominant personality is unknown, it is simply out of habit.

Mr. D can do a lot with eye contact. He can summon me, chastise me, question me, turn me on, just with the subtle things he does: widening his pupils, narrowing or opening his lids, closing one eye more than the other, winking. It is silent and powerful.


Dominant personality types tend to stand tall and move confidently. They lean forward, shake hands with a solid hold. As direct, decisive, and confident people, they don’t tend to stand back from the crowd unless they are the more observant type, which my Husband can be. They don’t need the acceptance of the crowd. They stand or sit with shoulders back, their posture a clear clue to their position in the group.

True dominants don’t need to be domineering. No need to lord their height or heft over others. They move with ease, comfortable in their natural place of authority.


Dominant personality types are assertive, intense, and ambitious in areas that they most care about. They are pragmatic, results-oriented, and are capable of quick, objective decisions. In daily activities, they are self-reliant resourceful, and self-sufficient, and prefer dealing with people in direct ways.They can be quite comfortable with conflict and can be very competitive. They have high expectations of themselves and others. Dominant personalities can motivate others and tend to lead easily and well.


Dominant personalities can be impatient, stubborn, and can respond negatively or aggressively when their position is challenged. They can feel a need to take all the responsibility for things and forget to delegate or share the load, which can cause them stress. With their strong results-oriented nature, they can sometimes discount the importance of people and emotions.


Business Owner
Military Leader
Law/Law Enforcement

There are levels of dominance, as well. Some people are more dominant than others and have a greater need to exercise their dominance. Just as some submissive personalities are more submissive than others and have a greater need to submit in order to find peace and happiness.

This type of personality has always been a turn-on for me. I’m a pretty strong-willed person myself and spend most of my day in a leadership position, but I bend to His will pretty quickly at home. And when I don’t, He has plenty of strategies to put me right in my place: a hand to the back of the neck, pinching my nipples, a spanking, a stern look.

Dominance makes me feel safe and protected. I guess that’s why He gets the nickname “Daddy” from time to time. He cares for me, guides me, encourages me, rewards me, and doles out consequences (much to my chagrin). And He is fueled by that role, just as I am fueled by mine.

I’m not a perfect submissive personality, so we do struggle from time to time. I can be a bit bratty and hard to control. I pout when I don’t get my way sometimes and I can become pissy when punished. But, I rarely fight back. I bite my tongue and suck it up (mostly). Why? Because He’s my alpha. And I like Him that way.

(Disclaimer: The opinions in these articles are simply that…opinions. These are my personal feelings on issues of D/s. It is important to note that I am and always have been in a consensual relationship, and any activities I partake of, I have done so with full consciousness and willingness. Also, on the issue of pronoun usage, I use HE/she pronouns, with the Dominant being the He and the submissive being the she. This is for ease of writing and because it is what I identify with. Pronouns are interchangeable, so feel free to fill in with those that work best for your situation. Be nice in the comments. I’m not here to be berated or argue the issues, I’m just here to explore my own feelings and opinions and share them with those that may find benefit in doing so.)

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  • Jupiter Grant

    Very astute. You are so right about dominant people being impatient and stubborn!! My gave my “sorta OH” his pet name based on how grumpy and grouchy he gets, although we aren’t really “full on” D/s! He certainly fits the bill of what you describe here!
    Ditto with the submissive traits. I always break eye contact etc. And, like you have observed in yourself, I am rather a control freak “IRL”.
    Jupiter Grant recently posted…Basking in my new basque….My Profile

  • missy

    This is a great post Brigit and I really liked the way you listed the characteristics. I shivered at some of it (in a sexy way) which I think shows that you hit the nail on the head. I think this will be useful to those trying to understand what it is that makes Dominance so attractive; it is always hard to articulate but you have done a great job 🙂

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