Kate: I’m feeling horny…(devil emoji)
Jim: Excellent. What does that mean for me? (smiley emoji)
Kate: Don’t know yet…something like a blowjob…
Jim: Something LIKE a blowjob?
Kate: Well…no…an actual blowjob.
Kate: Well, first, I’d unzip your jeans, but I’d keep eye contact the whole time…I love it when you just stare into my eyes…
Jim: Uh huh–
Kate: And I’d reach in and touch you through your briefs. I love to feel the warmth and softness of you through the fabric.
Jim: Yeah? Keep going–
“Mom, when’s dinner?” Emily looks over at her mother with pleading eyes, as if she might fade away into starved nothingness at any moment if her mother doesn’t produce sustenance immediately.
Jim begrudgingly looks up from his phone with a dramatic sigh. “Order pizza.”
“Oooh, yes! We haven’t done that for ages! Can we rent a movie on Amazon tonight, too?” Jacob chimes in, his 8-year-old eyes lit up like Christmas. It takes so little to please these kids.
“Why not, it’s early enough you’ll still both be able to get to bed on time.”
Both children squeal with delight, and Emily runs for her phone.
“What does everyone want?”
Once the pizza is ordered and the kids were situated on the couch, movie rented via Amazon, dogs and cats piled into various corners of sofas and chairs, Kate looks back at her phone.
Kate: I’d rub you through the fabric…slip my fingers inside the flap and touch your skin…
Jim: Keep going–
Kate: I’d kneel before you while you stood, unzip and unbutton your jeans, pull them down over your hips to the floor and let you step out of them, and then I’d bury my face in your crotch, inhaling your scent, the salty musk of your heated creases and folds.
Jim: Really…creases and folds? Isn’t that what you have?
Kate: Men can have those. Shut up…this is my story…
Jim: Alrighty then–do continue–
Kate: And then I’d pull your briefs down with my teeth…
Kate: Oh stop it…
She stops just long enough to pass him a look on the couch.
Jim: No-no-I love it–keep going, please–
“Mom, can I have a soda?”
“No. It’s too late.”
Kate: I’d cup your balls in my hand and take the head of your cock in my mouth…let it slide in, feeling its smooth tightness with the inside of both cheeks…
Jim: My head’s not that big–how are you going to feel it with both cheeks?
Kate: It’s a back and forth kind of thing…
Jim: So you’re going to shake your head back and forth?
Kate: Why are you making this hard?
She rolls her eyes at him.
Jim: I’m not making it hard–you are–
Kate: No I’m not.
Jim: Yes you are--you’re making my dick hard with all this ball-cupping and head-shaking–
Kate: Oh, goodness…
Jim: Keep going–
Kate: Quit being juvenile and I will…
Jim: Okay–I’ll stop–please–continue–
Kate: Where was I?
Jim: You were massaging the head of my rock hard cock with your sensuous mouth.
Dogs barking…cats springing from comfort…
“Pizza’s here!” Jacob scrambles from his bean bag chair in front of the TV, and Emily heads to get Kate’s purse.
Kate digs out a few 20 dollar bills and gives them to Emily and tells her to let the delivery person keep the change.
Jim: They can feed themselves—what are you going to do to my dick…I need to know…I’m losing my half-stiffy.
Kate: Is it even right to have a hard-on with your kids in the same room?
Jim: That’s how I got kids–so fuck yes–what they don’t know won’t bother them. Get back on track, woman!
Kate: I’d take you into my mouth, sliding the length of you all the way to the back of my throat, letting your girth stretch my lips, trying hard to keep my teeth from grazing you too much. And then I’d suck you in, and let you go, lubricating you with my saliva. Back and forth, in and out. I’d twist my head right to left, holding you inside me, sucking and releasing, rolling my tongue around and up and down, teasing your head and the vein that runs from the base of your cock to the tip.
Jim: Do we really need to watch this movie?
Jim: Are you even hungry?
Kate: Yes…but not for pizza (devil emoji)
Jim: Maybe we could convince them we need a nap–or a shower…or to do our taxes or something–in the other room–???
“Hey, kids? We’ll be back in a few.”
Neither of them look away from the screen.
“Okay…” they say, in unison.
Jim sets down his phone and then takes Kate’s and sets it beside his.
“We won’t be needing those.”
Her raised eyebrows and crooked smirk ask him to elaborate, but he simply takes her hand and pulls her behind him up the stairs.
We parents have to take the moments we can find. Just because we have kids doesn’t mean we stop being sexy…or stop flirting…or stop sexting…or stop acting like sex-crazed teenagers. We just get better at hiding it.