This post is #19 in my 30 Days of D/s series. If you’d like to read more, please visit my 30 Days of D/s page for the complete inventory of posts. 


I forgot to mention this in yesterday’s post, so I decided to do an addendum post today rather than move on to the new topic. (As you can see, I’m taking my time with this and the 30 days will take me well in to May.)

This is a tough topic, but I think it’s important to deal with in any discussion of 24/7 D/s. As subs, we’re not always going to be in the mood to comply with a Dom’s requests/demands/expectations. Sometimes we’ll be irritated or annoyed. We’ll resent being interrupted.

In these cases, we have some choices…and I’m going to borrow from my yoga teachings, as I have done a few times before (The Yoga Sutra and D/s, Yoga and D/s Revisited).

When I am wrapped cozily in a blanket, happily reading, and I am asked to retrieve Mr. D a drink, as is my responsibility, I can give Him a look of utter irritation, make Him feel like a nuisance, and then stomp in to the kitchen, do my duty and thrust the drink down onto His coaster. I can sigh dramatically, roll my eyes, and tell Him to get it Himself. Or I can breathe into the challenge, find the places of resistance, and find somewhere I can soften.

This actually happened just last night. I was busy catching up on my book club book (which is amazing, and I highly recommend it – This is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel…the story of a family raising a transgender child). It was nearing my bedtime (I’m trying to get to bed by 9:30 these days, since I get up so damned early), and He asked me to refill His drink. I was in the middle of a paragraph, and my gut reaction was to sigh and be a child about it.

But I stopped myself. I breathed in and reminded myself, this is how I serve Him. This is what I want. This makes Him happy. And it only takes a moment.

I set my book aside, walked calmly to the kitchen, and made His drink.

I was back to my book in less that three minutes.

This is not just about Him training me, it’s about me training myself. And it isn’t just about Him, it’s about my reactions to everyone around me.

If I can reign in my negative reactions…my irritability…my annoyance over simple requests with Him…

then I can do it with anyone.

And that’s a large part of what this whole thing is about: making us into better versions of ourselves. Targeting and working on those traits that tend to create the most trouble for us. Modifying behaviors that don’t suit our goals.

Maybe for you it isn’t irritability. Whatever your negative reactions (if you have them…and if you’re human, I can’t imagine that you don’t) maybe D/s can help you learn to manage them.

I’m not going to promise that I’ll never sigh dramatically and pout and end up with a consequence for my behavior. It’s very likely to happen, actually. Behaviors built over 40+ years are not corrected over night. And some negative emotions are a by-product of other mental health issues (for me, the irritability can be part of bipolar disorder…right along with anxiety, depression, and mania). Even then, however, awareness is the first step of change. And anyone can change. Anyone.

(Disclaimer: The opinions in these articles are simply that…opinions. These are my personal feelings on issues of D/s. It is important to note that I am and always have been in a consensual relationship, and any activities I partake of, I have done so with full consciousness and willingness. Also, on the issue of pronoun usage, I use HE/she pronouns, with the Dominant being the He and the submissive being the she. This is for ease of writing and because it is what I identify with. Pronouns are interchangeable, so feel free to fill in with those that work best for your situation. Be nice in the comments. I’m not here to be berated or argue the issues, I’m just here to explore my own feelings and opinions and share them with those that may find benefit in doing so.)

4 Replies to “When Sub Duties Become Irritating”

  1. Another great post Brigit, and I know for me the mindfulness around my own default behaviours has really improved with our D/s. Just bringing awareness to the moment (very much like with yoga) and adjusting or noticing the inbuilt reaction and questioning what it serves is hard to do and maintain but so valuable in making all sorts of improvements personally and in the relationship and dynamic. Thanks for sharing x

  2. I really felt this part:
    “If I can reign in my negative reactions…my irritability…my annoyance over simple requests with Him…

    then I can do it with anyone.

    And that’s a large part of what this whole thing is about: making us into better versions of ourselves. Targeting and working on those traits that tend to create the most trouble for us. Modifying behaviors that don’t suit our goals.”

    It seriously spoke to me. D/s had changed the vanilla me SO MUCH!

  3. I should have read this post last night, then I might have reacted differently. You are so right, we all can change and I am definitely trying to find a ‘new normal’ but it’s not easy. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this… it makes me reevaluate what I do.

    Rebel xox

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Age Verification

By clicking enter, I certify that I am over the age of 18 and will comply with the above statement.

Enter

Or

Exit
Always enjoy responsibily.
%d bloggers like this: