30 Days of D/s,  Experience

Rules in My D/s Relationship

This post is #17 in my 30 Days of D/s series. If you’d like to read more, please visit my 30 Days of D/s page for the complete inventory of posts. 

Friday night, He handed me an envelope. I felt a flutter of anticipation in my chest because I hoped it would be something to do with His expectations for me as His submissive, which it was.

It began with a list of precepts.


I will obey His commands to the best of my ability.

I will strive to overcome feelings of guilt or shame, and all inhibitions that interfere with my capability to serve Him and limit my growth as His submissive.

I will strive to maintain honest and open communication.

I will reveal my thoughts, feelings, and desires without hesitation or embarrassment.

I will inform Him of wants and perceived needs, recognizing that He is the sole judge of whether or how these shall be satisfied.

I will strive toward maintenance of a positive self-image and development of realistic expectations and goals.

I will work with Him to become a happy and self-fulfilled individual.

I will trust Him to determine proper rewards and consequences.

I will work against negative aspects of my ego and my insecurities that would interfere with advancement of these aims.

This was followed by a list of rules, some having to do with basic service, others having to do with sexual expectations, and others having to do with my own general behaviors or health (including mental).


1.I will maintain my journaling and mindfulness; there is never to be a day that passes (aside from Fridays) that I do not journal and/or meditate without my Dominant’s permission;

2.I will keep my blog going, writing even about the parts I do not want to; I will not neglect Brigit;

3.I will attend Yoga classes twice a week; I will ask beforehand if I am to absent. Other exercise may be substituted for Yoga;

4.I must act upon sexual thoughts, finding and embracing my inner slut;

5.I must ask my Dominant to masturbate and must send a photo whenever I masturbate when He is away;

6.During masturbation I will practice my ability to squirt; at some point in the future I will need to demonstrate this ability to my Dominant when He asks me to do so. I will share my progress with my Dominant weekly, either through writing or orally;

7.I must sleep naked anytime my Dominant is in the bed with me;

8.I will keep myself clean shaven at all times;

9.Friday is “no panty day” and no lower undergarment may be worn on this day, even at work; my Dominant reserves the right to disallow a bra, as well;

10.I will send pictures and/or videos, of a sexual nature, to my Dominant at the rate of at least one per week. This clause is not connected to my duty to send a photo when I masturbate; under this I need only send a photo or video that I think my Dominant will enjoy. The source of the media may be whatever I choose (homemade or not);

11.I will, as an act of sexual service and self reflection, find ways to chip at my existing sexual inhibitions. I will place myself outside of my comfort zone once per month. The acts need not be monumental and singular, but they should be well-planned and a product of my personal sexual growth and introspection;

12.I must keep my phone charged, on my person at all times and answer it, the only exception being for professional reasons;

13.On days when my Dominant is home in the morning (and awake) I will make Him coffee. On days when my Dominant is home during the evening I must ask to fulfill His drink request.

14.I will begin serving under this contract by making a checklist of the weekly and monthly requirements so as not to forget or neglect any of them;

15.I will maintain my appearance with proper hair, makeup, and nails; I will grow my hair out.

16.I will keep the house in clean, orderly fashion;

17.I must respect my Dominant’s wishes when He tells me to stop being domestic and to sit;

18.I will be issued a weekly allowance, with the amount varying to reflect account balance and behavior;

19.Any time I make a purchase I will present the receipt to my Dominant, without fail, no exceptions.

It might look like a lot, but many of these rules are things that are already pretty much a part of our every day life and will not require any effort on my part. Others…(5, 6, 9, 10, and 11) will push me a bit. And still others…like the one about the phone or the receipts are likely to earn me a consequence or two, as I am terrible about these behaviors (hence their being on the list).

We talked about the rules and clarified and revised until we got to the point that He was happy with them and I consented (this morning).

And now…the training begins.

Actually, it began last night when I requested that we re-institute our weekly “state of the marriage” talks so we’d be able to discuss how all of this D/s stuff is going (along with any other marital or family issues that come up).

What came out of my mouth was, “We should bring back our marriage talks once a week, to talk about all of this stuff.”

What he replied was, “Why don’t you rephrase that as Can we? And you should also use please and thank you.”

So, I rephrased it, “Can we please bring back our marriage talks?”

He told me to try again tomorrow. He wouldn’t even answer me. Of course, there were a few more things He said to me about remembering this and that He didn’t think I’d be easy to train. I’ll admit, it made me a bit pouty. But this morning, when I texted Him from the bathroom to ask Him to fuck me (we had a kid in the living room, so it made an open request a little problematic), I made sure to add a please. I even said thank you after we fucked. And when I re-asked Him about the marriage talks, I said, “Can we please re-institute our marriage talks?”

The consequence wasn’t big, but it was still effective.

The written document does not include any mention of consequence or reward. The last “contract” we designed was very formal and lengthy and included very specific rewards and consequences for each subset of expectations. This time, we’re keeping it much simpler. It’s just a list of expectations. And I trust Him to make decisions about reward and consequence.

As described above, sometimes the consequence need only be a refusal to answer a question and a demand that I think about something and try again. He knows I am impatient, so this was, in addition, an exercise in practicing patience for me.

Training can be a complicated responsibility for a Dominant. Maintaining rules and being consistent is a demanding obligation, so keeping it simpler for Him, too, is imperative for success (at least for us).

Anyhow, that’s where we’re at, for those inquiring minds that want to know.

This is a bonus post for my 30 Days of D/s challenge. Click on the badge below for other posts in the series:

This is also a response to the prompt for:

Click on the badge to read other great responses to the prompt!

Some related posts:

Contracts & Negotiation in a D/s Relationship
Discipline & Punishment in a D/s Relationship
Consent: The Difference Between Abuse and BDSM


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