Pain

This post is #13 in my 30 Days of D/s series. If you’d like to read more, please visit my 30 Days of D/s page for the complete inventory of posts. 

Pain can beautiful. It can horrible, as well. And while, I wouldn’t say I’m a big fan of pain (I’m definitely not a masochist, though I have no judgement of those who are), I can say that there have been times when pain seemed to almost clear my vision or at least focus my senses in a way that was cathartic.

The first time I realized pain could be enticing and sexual was when I was 17. In the back of my tiny Geo Metro, I straddled my new boyfriend. He wasn’t what I was used to, as I’d recently broken up with my long-term love of two years, and I found him confusing and confounding in ways that had my head spinning. He was tall and lanky and intriguingly “feminine” in certain regards. He had long hair, long nails, and wore traces of make-up (which made my father insane, and therefore made the boy that much more enticing). He wrote poetry and played the guitar in a band. Looking back, I’d say he was likely pretty fluid, sexually, and after having been with the pitcher of the baseball team for a few years, he was definitely a change of pace.

In the back of my car, he reached his hands up my shirt and trailed his finger nails down my back. My back is sensitive, so it didn’t surprise me that it tickled and caused my whole body to arch. But, as we continued to make-out, and all of our clothes, except our underwear, came off, he dug those nails, with increasing force into my skin. Down my arms, up my thighs, on my calves, over my scalp. My body writhed like an agitated snake, and I’m sure I was probably pretty vocal. It was intoxicating, and I found my self so fucking turned on I could hardly hold back my orgasm. In fact, eventually, I did shudder myself to release at some point and was completely shocked and amazed that it was even possible to do such a thing without sex or genital contact.

The marks remained on my skin for a few days, and I had to cover myself up pretty good to keep my parents from seeing them.

That same boy was also a biter, and I had to hide bite marks on my shoulders and elsewhere on quite a few occasions. Funny enough, we only had sex once (and it was a little anti-climatic, but our make-out sessions were intense, and I found them heavily arousing mainly because of the pain.

Impact pain hasn’t had the same affect on me really, but I have a had a few instances during sex, in doggy-style position, when my Husband has cracked my ass a few good times and it has pushed me over the edge to orgasm. Mostly I think it does this because it snaps me into hyper-focus and shocks my system, forcing me to momentarily let go of any tension.

I know my Husband would love to include spankings and other sorts of pain play in our D/s repertoire, and I’m not against it. In fact, I’m open to Him training my body to receive this type of sensation, not only because He would like it, but also because I know that my body has reacted to it positively before.

But to say that I’m a pain slut or that I even crave or need pain, as I know some people really do, would be inaccurate. Up until now, I have only played at pain, or even avoided it. In fact, I really fucking hate the wooden spoon.

Besides, for Mr. D to really punish me, it does not take pain or spankings. It takes his disappointment only. That alone can crush me.

(Disclaimer: The opinions in these articles are simply that…opinions. These are my personal feelings on issues of D/s. It is important to note that I am and always have been in a consensual relationship, and any activities I partake of, I have done so with full consciousness and willingness. Also, on the issue of pronoun usage, I use HE/she pronouns, with the Dominant being the He and the submissive being the she. This is for ease of writing and because it is what I identify with. Pronouns are interchangeable, so feel free to fill in with those that work best for your situation. Be nice in the comments. I’m not here to be berated or argue the issues, I’m just here to explore my own feelings and opinions and share them with those that may find benefit in doing so.)