This post is #14 in my 30 Days of D/s series. If you’d like to read more, please visit my 30 Days of D/s page for the complete inventory of posts. 


It begins with an offering
of submission.

And
…if a Dominant accepts
the ball begins
to
roll.

We’ve been here before.

But,
as You have duly noted,
my submission has yet to be
fully…
unconditionally
offered.

Consider this such
…here…
                                                 …now…

Because I’m ready to offer it
all,
every bit of
my vulnerability
and
trust
(I’ll find my knees later,
when I can,
when the world allows…
not because it is inconvenient
at this moment, but because
You are not in front of me
as I write these words).

Of course…
…You are wary,
as we have tried and failed before…
…more than once.
And I am somewhat nervous that
You may actually say
no.

But, if I know You…
and I believe I do…
I expect Your deep desire and need
to take control
will be stronger than

Your fear.

I’m asking… 

…that You decide what You want from me…Your wishes and dreams turned into goals and steps that are communicated as clear expectations…

…to take it slowly…not too many things at once…a slow and steady trickle as I get the hang of Your requests and demands…

…for Your guidance and training to achieve the relationship that we both want…

…for the freedom to ask questions and voice concerns throughout the process….

…for consistency (just as You will demand the same from me)…

I am not judging the times before or us for not having done it “right.”
I am simply opening myself to the possibilities of this time.

I know that training involves reward and consequence:
punishments, affection, and gratitude.

I know that the goal of training is routine that affords us both comfort, pride, and deeper connection.

And I know that we can adjust over time, as our relationship grows and changes.

It begins with an offering of submission
and if a Dominant is interested…


Today’s 30 Days of D/s prompts was “Rules” and “Training,” but after listening to a podcast or two and mulling it over the whole day, I felt that discussing rules just wasn’t where it was at for me right now. I’ve had rules in the past, but writing about the rules I want felt like doing the work that the Dominant does…and it feels like I should know what He wants before I start submitting a list of my needs.

The second topic in today’s prompt was training, and I don’t feel we’ve ever really managed that part as well as it could be managed. In fact, I’d say His inconsistency in upholding expectations and my resistance to discipline have both basically done us in (though I’ll take a bigger part of the blame for my bad attitude about consequences and punishment). I think I have a better grasp on the necessity for rewards and consequences and the imperative need for training than I have in the past.

I also understand that this is a very personalized journey that cannot be taught or found in a book somewhere. Kayla and John’s podcast on “Training a Submissive in a D/s Relationship” did give me some direction, however, and I think that there is a lot we can learn from the paths others have traveled before us.

With that said, it’s really up to Him (and us) to determine the rules. I’m not about to do that in a post on my own before I’ve even been assured that He truly wants to go there (no matter how many casual conversations we’ve had about it over the past weeks). It’s jumping the gun, and I don’t think that’s my place. Sure…I should be involved in the decisions, and my consent is necessary for us to continue with anything He decides, but, the initial rules? Well…that is His domain, as is the training (along with rewards and consequences). It’s a lot of responsibility. Which is why…

It begins with an offering….and only continues with an acceptance of that offer.

(hitting publish on this is just a tiny bit nerve-wracking)

 

5 Replies to “It begins with an offering of submission”

  1. Brigit,
    I am deeply moved by this post. Enough that, like you did on my blog, I did some reading back to try to understand your relationship, where it was and how it got to where it is. Your “synopsis” post was very helpful, btw, and yes, I need to create one.

    Having been around the block a few times, there is probably a lot of advice I could have given, but really, whaat do I know about your individual journey? Part of the beauty of the journey is to discover those things yourselves, and learn what makes it work for you.

    I’ll be following along on your story eagerly though. You can count on that.

    Best,
    Jade
    Jade recently posted…#AtoZChallenge – N is for NoMy Profile

  2. Thanks, Jade. It’s both a big change and a small change, but that shift from “being submissive to…” to being “a submissive” will change things for us and make our dynamic more central.

  3. Beautiful, considered and emotive words Brigit, your heart wide open and such strength in your vulnerability, I’m really rooting for you in this change from ‘being’ to ‘a’…or more ‘his’ submissive xx

Leave a Reply to kisungura Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Age Verification

By clicking enter, I certify that I am over the age of 18 and will comply with the above statement.

Enter

Or

Exit
Always enjoy responsibily.
%d bloggers like this: