It begins with an offering
…if a Dominant accepts…
the ball begins
We’ve been here before.
as You have duly noted,
my submission has yet to be
Consider this such…
Because I’m ready to offer it
every bit of
(I’ll find my knees later,
when I can,
when the world allows…
not because it is inconvenient
at this moment, but because
You are not in front of me
as I write these words).
…You are wary,
as we have tried and failed before…
…more than once.
And I am somewhat nervous that
You may actually say
But, if I know You…
and I believe I do…
I expect Your deep desire and need
to take control
will be stronger than
…that You decide what You want from me…Your wishes and dreams turned into goals and steps that are communicated as clear expectations…
…to take it slowly…not too many things at once…a slow and steady trickle as I get the hang of Your requests and demands…
…for Your guidance and training to achieve the relationship that we both want…
…for the freedom to ask questions and voice concerns throughout the process….
…for consistency (just as You will demand the same from me)…
I am not judging the times before or us for not having done it “right.”
I am simply opening myself to the possibilities of this time.
I know that training involves reward and consequence:
punishments, affection, and gratitude.
I know that the goal of training is routine that affords us both comfort, pride, and deeper connection.
And I know that we can adjust over time, as our relationship grows and changes.
It begins with an offering of submission…
and if a Dominant is interested…
Today’s 30 Days of D/s prompts was “Rules” and “Training,” but after listening to a podcast or two and mulling it over the whole day, I felt that discussing rules just wasn’t where it was at for me right now. I’ve had rules in the past, but writing about the rules I want felt like doing the work that the Dominant does…and it feels like I should know what He wants before I start submitting a list of my needs.
The second topic in today’s prompt was training, and I don’t feel we’ve ever really managed that part as well as it could be managed. In fact, I’d say His inconsistency in upholding expectations and my resistance to discipline have both basically done us in (though I’ll take a bigger part of the blame for my bad attitude about consequences and punishment). I think I have a better grasp on the necessity for rewards and consequences and the imperative need for training than I have in the past.
I also understand that this is a very personalized journey that cannot be taught or found in a book somewhere. Kayla and John’s podcast on “Training a Submissive in a D/s Relationship” did give me some direction, however, and I think that there is a lot we can learn from the paths others have traveled before us.
With that said, it’s really up to Him (and us) to determine the rules. I’m not about to do that in a post on my own before I’ve even been assured that He truly wants to go there (no matter how many casual conversations we’ve had about it over the past weeks). It’s jumping the gun, and I don’t think that’s my place. Sure…I should be involved in the decisions, and my consent is necessary for us to continue with anything He decides, but, the initial rules? Well…that is His domain, as is the training (along with rewards and consequences). It’s a lot of responsibility. Which is why…
It begins with an offering….and only continues with an acceptance of that offer.
(hitting publish on this is just a tiny bit nerve-wracking)