30 Days of D/s,  Experience,  Opinion

D/s Doesn’t Always (or Ever) Have to Be About Sex

This post is #20 in my 30 Days of D/s series. If you’d like to read more, please visit my 30 Days of D/s page for the complete inventory of posts. 

Tonight, as I looked at my new workout video and talked out loud about what I need to do to really lose weight, I told Mr. D that it would help if he told me I had to do it…if he’d add a Saturday and Sunday workout to my rules.

Snap. Done. Just like that.

And yes, in my mind, it instantly became a “have to” rather than a “maybe I’ll give it a try.”

When I have to ask to spend money, or wait for an allowance…it means I have to be more conscious about what I buy and why. If I can’t (or don’t want to) explain it, then it’s not worth it. If I want it bad enough to call and ask for it, then maybe it is. Of course, He could always say no, but I don’t buy a lot of things, so He usually doesn’t if He knows I really want it.

I also have some bad habits, like forgetting to plug in my phone or turn on the volume…losing my keys. Those habits can be better established when He has a particular expectation that I do them.

Of course, as a married couple, our D/s DOES include sex and sexual activities. He expects that I stay clean-shaven, that I take care of my appearance, and that I be sexually available.

Basically, we have a pretty traditional old-school marriage. While he may cook, which would normally be a woman’s job, I do all the other “women’s work” and defer to Him on pretty much everything. I do hold equal sway in the raising of our child, and I work outside the home (good God, I’d go insane if I didn’t). But, for all intents and purposes, we have a pretty cliche 1950s Household dynamic…just naughtier…and I’ve traded in the heels and pearls (most days) for yoga pants and a Fitbit.

But, even though sex IS a part of our dynamic, it isn’t the sole function of our D/s. For me, D/s is more about my mental and emotional well-being.

The boundaries afforded my by this dynamic provide me a sense of safety with reward and consequence for my compliance. I don’t have to think too hard about what is expected of me, because He comes up with that. I just have to perform to a certain level by maintaining my appearance and making sure He is happy.

Sometimes, of course, making Him happy involves a blowjob, or sticking my ass out there for a spanking, which, while it isn’t my kink, it’s not NOT my kink (if that makes any damn sense at all).

And no, I’m not ALWAYS in the mood to do what He says, and sometimes I fuck up royally or throw a tantrum. I pay for it…or He occasionally gives me a pass, depending on circumstances.

But, all in all, I’m perfectly happy to leave things to Him.

Some D/s relationships are all about service, or all about mental or physical improvement. And still others are about ONLY sex.

For us, it’s a blend. Sex is definitely a big part of it, but it isn’t all of it. D/s is about growth, whether it be sexual, mental, physical, spiritual, emotional, or a combination of some or all.

(Disclaimer: The opinions in these articles are simply that…opinions. These are my personal feelings on issues of D/s. It is important to note that I am and always have been in a consensual relationship, and any activities I partake of, I have done so with full consciousness and willingness. Also, on the issue of pronoun usage, I use HE/she pronouns, with the Dominant being the He and the submissive being the she. This is for ease of writing and because it is what I identify with. Pronouns are interchangeable, so feel free to fill in with those that work best for your situation. Be nice in the comments. I’m not here to be berated or argue the issues, I’m just here to explore my own feelings and opinions and share them with those that may find benefit in doing so.)

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